Falling for Death

Memories

Ace

I'm kissing her.

Her lips are one mine and mine are on hers. I'm doing the one thing I told myself I wouldn't do.

But how could I not?

I shouldn't be but I am. She's too stubborn to understand that I'd only hurt her. I don't want to hurt her but it's only a matter of time before I do.

Then do it. Her voice rung through my mind.

"If that's what you want." I mumbled against her lips as I kissed her harder.

She tastes so sweet. I can't get enough.

This is so wrong of me to do this to her, she told me we were friends but I sure as hell want to be more than that.

I've never felt like this before for anyone, except her. I've never wanted to be 'in love' and all that bullshit because love, in my world, didn't exist. I've never felt it. Never wanted to. I've never saw myself being that vulnerable with somebody but she's slowly getting to me.

And it doesn't bother me as much as it should. 

But I hope she realizes that I'm not a safe option for her.

She was so hurt when I ignored her today but I'm not someone she should be hanging around, she should be embarrassed to be seen with me.

I mean look at me then look at her.

I'm nothing compared to her. It doesn't make any sense as to why she'd even want to be near me. Let alone call me her friend.

I don't think I could ever treat her the way she deserves to be. She deserved so much better.

I've already hurt her once.

She means so much to me. Though it scared me a lot, I don't see a future without her. I don't ever see myself not with her. Every time I think of something, my mind always drifted off to her.

That's why I tried to ignore her today. I know the only thing I'd ever do to her is ruin her. I thought I'd help her by staying away. But obviously that didn't fucking work.

I tried. I really did. I tried to save her from myself and the lifestyle I live but it's too late. I'm in too deep. And so is she.

I told her I could never be more than a friend to her because I can't let her fall for me.

She was so sad that I left. The look in her eyes when I saw her in class this morning. That's when I knew, we're both fucked.

I regretted doing that. I just wanted her to know she shouldn't be around a guy like me but I can't keep trying to push her away.

Because that won't work.

I also regretted leaving her this morning. When I woke up and found myself in her arms. It was pure bliss.

A feeling I've never thought was possible to ever feel.

Well, at first I was confused, trying to remember how I got there in the first place but the memories of what happened came back to me and I was a bit embarrassed that she saw me in that state.

The things I said to her.

I was completely wasted. Last night, after the fight, when she told me she needed space, something flickered in my heart. I needed to forget her. Memories I didn't want to remember flooded in my mind and in that moment, it finally dawned on me, I couldn't let her fall for me, not again.