All I know - Lando Norris

Chapter 25

Tia, 17:19
"So you just left without telling me?"

Annoyance was now the controlling feeling. I really wanted, no, needed to settle this thing between us. I loved him but I couldn't shake the feeling that I can trust Lando about his accusations, even though I had my doubts about that. He was in love with me and I was in a long-term relationship with another lad. How was he supposed to get my attention otherwise?

I clicked onto another chat and typed another quick message. If somebody would know about where Lucas was or why he left, it would be Julian. 

Tia, 17:19
"Why did Lucas leave and where did he go?"

To my surprise, the bubble showing that the other person was typing immediately appeared at the bottom of the chat and I waited tensely for the response. 

Julian, 17:20
"His managers got him because of an appointment. I don't know any more than that. He left for New York around lunchtime."

Something in me screamed not to believe this bullshit. The feeling of him betraying me, even more, took over. The anger and annoyance came over. My hands started to shake and I felt dizzy. I needed to sit down if I didn't want to blackout here and now. 

I sat down on the sofa and faced the windows. The view still was great, even though the sun wasn't even close to set yet. My eyes scanned the skyline of Montréal several times and I let my thoughts wander.

I knew that much: I was torn.

Torn in the decision between my wellbeing and my career. I knew the way my management handled and treated me wasn't healthy. I haven't eaten properly in weeks, except today with Pierre. I haven't cared about what my body told me, all the signs of pain and stiffness. I was working more than I should. I haven't got any days off since my visit to the Silverstone Grand Prix. I have been under the constant watch of my management. And most importantly in that matter, I have almost neglected my entire social life.

I was torn between which boy I should believe and trust more. And most importantly I was torn between Lando and Lucas. I knew I liked both of them. I was certain about loving Lucas though. But with Lando, it was completely different than with Lucas. I always felt like I needed to act and behave in a perfect way when I was with Lucas. Being around Lando, I was relaxed and felt safe. But Lucas gave me butterflies I just couldn't deny. 

But what if Lando was right with his accusations? What if Lucas really was hired and paid to be my boyfriend? All of the feelings he gave me, all of the things we experienced together and all of the memories were based on lies then. The way he always told me he was feeling about me would be made up. And all the plans we talked about before would just be false promises. 

I felt warm liquid dripping down my cheeks. I was crying and I haven't even realised. I placed my feet closer to my butt and wrapped my arms around my legs. The tears just kept flowing down as I placed my chin on my knees. The fabric of my leggings was slowly drenching with the tears. My gaze just stared forward out of the window. My head suddenly felt like it was 10 tons heavy. Thoughts were running around my head but I couldn't focus anymore. It was just too much, all this thinking and trying to figure out this situation. All the different feelings I had to deal with.

I didn't know how long I just sat there, but after some minutes, there was a knock on my hotel door. While wiping away my tears I walked over to the entrance. I didn't even care to try to stop crying. I knew I would fail miserably. Without peeking through the door spy first, I opened the door with a strong swing. I faced Lando. He was smiling brightly, but it immediately disappeared when he saw my state.