All I know - Lando Norris

Chapter 23

After Lando left me standing alone in the little alley, I didn't move for another few minutes. The hugs from Lando made the pain fade away a little, but now it started to really settle in. Tears were falling down my cheeks regularly now and I sobbed silently. I kneeled down and after some seconds I sat down. I knew I needed to calm myself before going back to the paddock. I just didn't know if I would be able to do that. 

Was it true what Lando had just told me? Was my boyfriend hired to pretend to love me? If so, how the hell could he have played that role for so long? It's been two years since we started to date, almost three years since we met for the first time. I thought I knew him. I thought I could trust him. And I thought he loved me. 

Or was it my fault? How could I have not noticed this game of charades? Was I just this blind? I felt like I was being played. I felt like I was just a dumb girl, too in love to actually see the true intentions of other people. Not just Lucas, but also other people in my surroundings if I thought about it right now. 

The muffled sobbing got quieter with each minute that had past and after the news had completely settled, I was kind of alright to go out in the paddock again. Of course, it still hurt like nothing else I had experienced so far, but I was an actress. I knew how to play emotions I didn't actually feel. With one swift motion, I pushed myself back onto my legs and turned towards the paddock again. I wiped away the rest of the tears that were set on my face. Then my feet walked me back into the sunshine and the busy side of the paddock. 

Being this close to the race start, a lot of people were running around. A Ferrari employee here, a Haas mechanic there, another Alpine employee on the other side. Everybody was busy, and nobody noticed me. Excellent. Just to make sure I didn't get recognised, and also to cover my red and puffy eyes, I put on some sunglasses. I once more looked around and saw Pierre standing in front of the AlphaTauri motorhome. With quick steps, I walked over to him. 

"Hey.", he greeted me with a soft voice. "How are you doing? Are you alright?"

"No. But it doesn't matter now. I'll be fine.", I said and looked around. I felt like I was a fugitive who just broke out of prison. He knew exactly that I was too confused and tired to talk in French now. Even though I was fluent and mostly didn't have any problems, it was easier for me to talk English. My arms crossed in front of my chest as my eyes laid back onto Pierre. He was scanning my face, well the parts that were still visible regardless of cap and sunglasses. 

"I'm sorry, but we needed to tell you.", Pierre said.

"You knew about this?"

"Yes, Lando told me back in Austin.", Pierre admitted. "But really. He didn't mean any harm. He didn't know how to react at first. And he needed to be able to focus on the race, you know? So please, don't hold this against him."

"I won't. I didn't mean to sound this harsh. It's just all so confusing right now.", I explained my feelings. Pierre nodded. I knew he needed to leave for the race, so I laid my hand on his shoulder. 

"You should go. Good luck with your race.", I said and smiled slightly, even though it didn't feel right. Pierre nodded again and stayed silent. On his lips, a smile appeared, before he turned around and ran back into the garage. While running, he put on the upper half of his race suit and closed the zipper. I took a deep breath in and fought the tears that were shooting back into my eyes. I shook my head, the tears disappeared and I entered the AlphaTauri garage. Pierre and I talked beforehand and agreed that I would be following the race from the back of the garage. A big TV was set up there. 

I let myself drop onto the chair and closed my eyes. Now that I was completely ignored by the others, the feelings took over me once more. In the next moment, I was crying hard and tears were streaming down my cheeks. Fuck, why me? Why did I have to experience this shit? After the release of Toxic, everything was supposed to get easier. No more reports, no more homework, no more examinations, no more deadlines. That was the plan. Instead, I got a shitload amount of rules I needed to follow. I needed to act and behave in a certain way. I needed to be a perfect role model that was always happy and friendly. But nobody mentioned the heartbreak and all the duties I had before. At this very moment, I wished my old life back.