I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE FUNNY | ✓

▬ 10

'WHO'S MAKING YOU?' ABSTRACT PRESSURES FROM SOCIETY AT LARGE

            By the end of the month, both Miles and I have learnt to relax at Hannah's Pantry. Unlike I expected, the amount of antagonising I receive hasn't increased since we started frequenting it, even if Lysander, and therefore the whole year, thinks that I'm the one being tutored, nor does Miles report any threats to his position in the hierarchy. I guess everybody's too absorbed in revision to have time to care much about anybody else's business.

Sonia never had any issues to start off with but on Monday she did state that she's glad we're "not on edge all the time anymore since it leaves more time for actual tutoring". Another remark she made entirely out of the blue and moved on from, wholly oblivious to the embarrassment it drenched us in, like beer cans discarded from boats by millionaires who never once look back to see them tarnish the ocean view.

Nonetheless, as most things she says, it's true, because it is much easier to focus on the task at hand when it's not necessary to blaze through stifling tension first. Tutoring turns out more enjoyable than I'd expected. On several occasions, like during Zuhr today, I've even found myself looking forward to it.

'What you keep gettin wrong is you're not realisin it's two separate functions.' I underline each within the trigonometric integral. 'You have to do the chain rule and then the product rule within that. The issue is that you're not identifyin all the separate parts of the composite function accurately.'

I glance at Miles for signs of understanding only to find him dewy-eyed. With a dopey smile on his face, he leans against his hand, elbow perked on the desk, and stares at me without noticing I stop talking and frown. He's not even listening. Daydreaming about football, no doubt.

'Oi, hello.'

When I snap my fingers in front of his face, he jerks upright and nearly knocks over his coffee. Once his mug is stable, he attempts to look at me, fails, and glances around the other tables instead.

I fling my pencil onto the notepad. 'You know, I've got my own exams to study for. I'm not gonna spend time tryna teach you if you ain't even listenin.'

Miles grips the back of his neck and forces eye contact, though interrupts it with rapid blinks. 'I am— I am listening... Sorry. I'm just reet rubbish at this.'

'I've got places to be, crimes to commit.'

Sonia snaps her head up. 'What?'

My hand rises to the knot of braids gathered at the top of my head as if to check the scrunchie hasn't torn without my notice. 'That was a joke.'

'Oh...' She scratches the eczema scars on her forearm before her wrist starts to flick repetitively. 'I can never tell when you're joking. It makes me feel like an idiot.'

'Sorry.' My voice remains heightened when I turn to Miles and repeat myself, putting in immense effort to stop a sigh from weaving into my voice. 'You're not identifyin all the functions within the first.' I explain the chain and product rules to him again and when he nods, I push the notepad back to him.

I watch him solve them again with a gentle knit in his brow. Miles has an odd habit of parting his mouth slightly and running his tongue along his upper canines when he concentrates. His hair has grown past its awkward phase and now falls into his eyes. He pushes it back at each hitch in his calculation which makes his hair perenially messy. From all this time together I've learnt one thing about Miles for certain: he's really not good at maths.

'Um... Have you already picked your unis then?' Hopefully, my voice is only nonchalantly curious and doesn't give away my desperation for someone else to be as clueless as I am.