Coming for your heart

Chapter 64

Mikasa took a look at her hands and followed her brother with a quiet promise in her heart.
No matter how many people they'd lose - she'd always stay by his side.

Armin POV

Connie and Sasha had been watching him for hours now and still Armin didn't give them any hint that he had noticed their silent gestures in his direction.

Yes, it wasn't normal for him to work way into the night. Not after what had happened to him and not after endless hours of kneeling on the hard floor with swollen hands and a broken heart.

But the worry about his friends kept him awake.

His grip around the brush in his hands tightened and a sigh left his lips as he continued to scrub the dirty patches of whatever liquor had managed to get stuck there.

Yet no matter how hard he scrubbed and how much he focused on the burning liquids on his rough hands, his thoughts never left his friends.

Nor the blond man who had cut any contact after...after Armin...

He shook his head.

What did you expect?

Harder.

He had to scrub harder.

Get that dirt off of the floor.

That he would answer you?

Harder.

That he felt the same way about you?

Harder.

You're a servant. He's a Commander of an army serving the very man you will overthrow.

He gritted his teeth and let go of the brush with a soft snarl.
Tears prickled in his eyes and he brushed them away, not sure if he was angry at Erwin for ignoring him or at himself for genuinely believing that something could happen between them.

Eren wanted me to get close to him. Nothing more. Nothing complicated. And I still managed to...

His fists clenched and unclenched.

The aching in his heart didn't leave him for a second and made it hard to breathe through the disappointment and self-hate.

"Armin-"

"I'm fine.", he managed to say with a smile as real as Eren's blond hair. "Just tired."

Sasha stepped forward, a piece of ham and bred in her hands. She offered both of it to Win with a soft nod.

"Eat something. And then go to sleep.", she said.

"You look like you've seen a ghost, buddy.", Connie mumbled, his eyes red from exhaustion and hands roughed up by working endless hours in the kitchen.

Not a ghost., Armin thought bitterly. Just the ugly truth of what I was supposed to realize long ago.

Of course he didn't voice any of this out loud to his friends.

He was thankful for their efforts to cheer him up and that they cared about him so much.
Sasha stood there with her arms almost reaching Armin. He smiled when he noticed her hungry eyes resting on the food and gently shook his head as he rose from the ground.

"It's fine, Sasha. I'm not hungry."

The girl watched him with an unsure glance on her hands.

"So...I....can have this? For myself?", she asked and Armin thought to see a shiny glimmer of joy at her words in her eyes.

He simply nodded.

It was all the confirmation Sasha needed. A second later her teeth were deep inside the flesh and ripping bits of the bred off.

Connie shook his head but didn't stop her from eating.

With a last worried look he put a hand on his sides and sighed deeply with his eyes closed.

"Whatever, man. But you should go to bed. You shouldn't even be down here after..." He stumbled over his words and avoided Armin's gaze. "After what happened."

"I will." He put the brush away. Suddenly he couldn't care less about the dirt on the ground. "Thank you, guys."

Sasha wasn't listening anymore, too engaged in eating the tasty food to notice anything else.
Connie nodded in his direction, then led the girl to one of the tables and slapped her on the back of her head as she growled at him.

Armin watched them fondly.

The love between those two had always been strong.

Of course it had survived Shiganshina as well.

Connie's right. A bit of sleep might help with those...feelings.

---

Yawning and with tears drying on his cheeks he left the kitchen behind and made his way down the corridor.

The guards didn't acknowledge him in any way but Armin liked how anonymous he could be in the enemy's territory.

The torches on the walls sent strange shadows around the floor and Armin halted his steps to watch them.

Moonlight wandered in between them as if those two sources of light were fighting for control.

He closed his eyes.

It was so calm.

And cold enough to cool his hot head.

I wonder if Eren and Mikasa are already out there...with the Queen...

Without any warning he felt a sudden loneliness flowing through his body, prompting more tears to leave his eyes.

His heart ached as if it was being torn apart and he desperately hugged himself to keep all of its shards together.

A sob escaped his mouth.

Startled he pressed one hand down on it and slid down the wall behind his back.

Strands of his blond hair fell in his face and he hid behind them, begging whoever was listening to end this pain.

"I will do whatever you want...", he whispered. "Take those memories...please...take those feelings from me..."

A soft cry echoed through the hallway.

But not a soul was there to hear it.

Armin pressed his eyes shut and sobbed into his hands.

He felt so alone.

So cold.

Hurt.

He sat there in the middle of the night, crying out the pain that shook his whole body.

Suddenly-

"Armin?"

(HA! Cliffhanger.
This time you can thank the bad weather for inspiring me to write this chapter.

Who is there with Armin? And will Eren and Mikasa get to the forest in time?
We'll see...)