Secret Love Affair

After a Year

Cate's POV:

My heart was jumping out of my chest, it was exactly 2 minutes before 5. It would be the first time Sandy and I would be alone after last summer. I tried to avoid her last night, but once the alcohol got in my body it was impossible. All my self control was gone. All I had dreamed about for the last year was to talk to her, to fix things, to have her in my life. But deep down I thought that was impossible, I thought she would never want to see me again. However, last night she proved me wrong. She said she wanted to talk about it, she wanted to fix things, but I truly don't know what that means exactly. Does she want to be friends again? Does she only want to apologize and move on? Or does she want us to have what we had that night?

Last summer, things escalated too quickly, not giving us enough time to really think about the consequences of our actions. I was so in love with her, with who she was as a person. From head to toe she was the most perfect woman I had ever come across - inside and out. I was willing to give up everything, anything for us to be together. That night is the definition of passion. It was just us, the waves of the deep ocean crushing behind us, and the star light shining upon our perfect bodies. We touched each other, we whispered to each other, we loved each other. We ripped off all of our insecurities, all of our fears, and gave ourselves completely to each other. It was a night I will never forget, it is a night of pure love. However, what happened after that night was not so picture perfect.
Sandy at the time was in a relationship with a guy, and I of course was married to Andrew. What we did was a mistake, we betrayed our partners who loved us so much. But at the time, it seemed perfect, it was what we both truly wanted. The next morning, I was full of love, but Sandra was full of hate and dislike. Early in the morning she called me and told me she wanted to see me - in private. I had invented this crazy fantasy in my head about how she would tell me she wants us to be a couple, but instead it was the complete opposite.
"How could you let that happen, what were you thinking, Cate" Sandra screamed at me. "Don't blame it all on me Sandra, you wanted it to."
"No, you pushed me, I was vulnerable."
"Shut up. What are you even talking about."
"Cate it was a mistake, you are married and I am in a relationship."
"Don't dare tell me you didn't want to. I felt the way you touched me Sandra"
"You are absolutely delusional. We can never and will never be together"
"What the fuck Sandra."
"Please stay away from me Cate." She screamed as she got in her car and left. That was the last time I ever spoke to her. After that Sarah also came to my house. She was mad at me, they were both blaming it on me. As if I had forced Sandra to do anything. Yes, I started teasing but she followed. I don't know how Sarah found out, or what Sandra told her happened but Sarah took her side and they both stopped talking to me. A couple of months later Sarah reached out, she asked me how I was, and how things were with Andrew. The conversation lasted 5 minutes, but since then I have heard nothing from her. I felt deeply disappointed at the fact that they both blamed it on me. I never understood why Sandra acted that way after, if in the moment I knew she enjoyed it, I heard it. Since then, I decided to hide my true colors, and hide the way I felt, no matter how much it hurts me. Even though I thought about Sandra every day for the past year, I promised myself to never get close to her again. I was in love with her, but I knew I had to let her go.

My phone lit up with a text from Sandra, "Im outside." I grabbed my handbag and headed to my front door. As I walked out the door, I was able to see her, sitting in her car wearing a blue shirt, black sunglasses, and black tights. Wow.
"Hey Cate," she said as soon as I opened the car door.
"Hello" I replied back, "where are we going?" I asked as I tried to hide my nerves.
"There is this new cafe, with a beach view" she said as she started off the engine.
I didn't reply. I was too nervous, too nervous to make the wrong move, to give off the wrong idea. We drove past our favorite places we used to go to. That ice cream parlor that had the best peanut butter ice cream, the restaurant we would always go eat pasta at, and our favorite hairdresser who we used to go gossip to. In our silence, Harry styles was playing in the background.

She
She lives in day dreams with me
She's the first one that I see

I remember listening to that song while I sat in the bathtub, remembering the beautiful moments with Sandy. There is something about Harry Styles' songs that remind you of the perfect but impossible love stories.

Suddenly, we came to a stop. Right in front of me was a beautiful rustic cafe with a huge sign reading "Lotus". As soon as we walked in, I felt as if I was standing on a Pinterest board. The white tables, wooden floors, and the beach view seemed out of this world. We were seated on a table close to the railing, where if we do one wrong move we would fall into the ocean. The white birds flying above us, the sound of the waves hitting the wood, and the ocean breeze hitting the back of my neck. This place was perfect.
"I really love this place" I said as I looked out into the ocean.
"I really love your dress." she replied as I felt her eyes set on my burgundy dress. The thing is, I knew she would love it. I remember she would constantly repeat how she loved the color burgundy, especially on my skin tone. That is the sole reason why I wore it.
"Thank you" I replied back.
We looked at the menu in silence, I could tell she was nervous. Her hands were slightly shaking, her foot hitting against the floor, and she kept holding on to that strand of hair that kept blowing into her face.
"Why did you bring me here?" I asked.
"I miss talking to you, Cate. I realized I made a mistake and I want to make it up to you"
"Make it up to me, by buying me coffee?"
"No Cate, by talking to you, and explaining, and hopefully fixing things"
"Sandra what you did- "
"I know it was wrong"
"I felt betrayed, you blamed me for no reason. Do you even know how that made me feel?"
"Did you ever tell Andrew?"
"Sandra, don't change the conversation"
"Did Andrew find out Cate?"
"No he didn't" I said sharply, I was mad.
"What does he think happened, what excuse did you give for us not being friends anymore?"
"I just told him we had a fight" I was looking at the menu, I refused to look into her eyes.
There was a long silence, we were both looking out into the ocean, with no words left to say. "I'm sorry Cate, let me explain what happened" she said as she touched my hand.
I quickly pulled away, "explain what Sandra?"
"Why I acted the way I did"
"I'm listening," I said.
"I always hid that part of myself, I was afraid of what would happen, of what people would think. So when I started falling in love with you, I was mad at myself and mad at you. I didn't know how to act. So when we went there I felt ashamed and blamed you for the way that I felt.""And how did you feel?"
"I felt wrong, I felt that I had betrayed Brandon. I felt ashamed of myself."
"And what did you tell Sarah?"
"She came to my house the next day and asked what we did. I instantly started crying and told her everything."
"Everything?"
"I told her you started flirting and I was drunk and we just did it."
"Right, so I forced you to have sex with me?"
"I'm so sorry Cate" Sandra said as a tear left her dark brown eyes. "Since then, I was never able to forgive myself. I was desperate to talk to you. Not a day went by that I didn't think of you, of us, of that night.""So why didn't you say anything sooner?"
"Cause I was scared Cate."
"And now you are not?"
"No I am not. I am so tired of hiding what I feel."
I just looked at her. My heart was smiling, but I didn't want to show her how I felt. I was still mad.
"Can we forget everything that happened and start over? Please Cate"
"Okay" I said. I didn't know what starting over really meant, but I knew I needed Sandy in my life.

Our food arrived, and we spent hours talking, sharing stories, and laughing. For a minute I forgot everything that happened, I forgot we had fought and stopped seeing each other. But right now it was just us, Sandra and I, two hearts smiling.
"Thank you for tonight," Sandy said as she dropped me off at home.
"I had a good time" I replied back as I closed the door and walked toward my front door.

I could tell this was the beginning of something. Of a new friendship, of new memories. However, I was sure to not let myself do anything again, nothing that could ruin all of this once more.