"Did you ever feel anything at all?"
"What do you think? I have no better job than to engage myself in meager things like feelings?"
"Then why......w-why did you act as though you cared?"
"Coz it was fun in the beginning then I grew tired of it. Lo...
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This is where I started working to fulfill my another dream which is to study medicine. For my first dream has always been Sakshi. I worked my ass off for tge next two years. Daily schedules, assignments, tests, quizzes, study modules...this was my life for the next two years. I kept myself so busy that there was no time left to even think about anything else. Yet my nights were always for Sakshi...she occupied my being like an ocean. What would she be doing? Was she still interested in history?...all sorts of questions.
My hard work did payoff and I got 21st rank all india level and I knew this was my ticket to get admitted to my dream medical college. Everybody was so happy for me...I think dad even cried a little and mom bawled while hugging me. In a few days my admission was confirmed and I had to leave in 2 days. That's when I decided to visit Sakshi. I wanted to see her one more time before I left for the new journey...in a way I wanted her presence to cool my aching nerves and tell me it's going to be okay.
It was evening by the time I reached the town...and I skimmed tge locality searching for her. And there she was sitting on a swing, her back to me...her long hair flowing freely. She was wearing a white kurta with a bangle on her right hand. And when I closed tge distance between us yet maintaining safe distance from her...I was spellbound. She looked so peaceful sitting there basking in the sunset. Looking at her like this made my heart leap out of my chest, my emotios were all over the place. I missed her so damn much...seeing her after two years made me want to just go and throw my arms around her keeping her close.
I could feel my eyes stinging with unshed tears and my heart beating wildly. I wanted to tell her about my rank...I wanted to share all my happiness with her and for the first time I admitted the kind of feelings I had for her till now. I loved her. I have always loved her. I loved her when I didn't even know the meaning of love. But now I knew exactly what I was feeling. For I really understood what love meant in that very moment.
I was smiling at myself after my realization. I loved her not because she was a fantasy that I built up in my mind...I loved her because she brought out the best in me without even knowing. And in that very moment I decided I want to be a better person for her. I wanted to make her proud. I wanted to give her all the best things in the world because in that very moment I saw a future with her. My mind conjured all the images my heart was scared to do so.
She was my future...my forever. That is why I decided I will be the person she will be proud to choose one day. I didn't feel the need to go and confess everything to her because she was barely 15...straight out of school. She had her whole life in front of her...to just barge in and disturb her yet budding life seemed unfair to me. Yes I was in love with her but she was not. I wanted her to explore her life as she deemed fit. I'll find her when the time is right and we would be one.
I know it may seem stupid to let go someone and expect them not to find anybody else in the meanwhile. The thought of her finding someone else through her journey burned my insides. But I couldn't be that selfish prick who wouldn't wish for her happiness...if she really did find someone to be happy with...I would let her go.
You may ask why i was being so sacrificial or benevolent?...but I was clearly not. I'm very selfish when it comes to things I love. But I had this insane faith in universe that we will find our way back to each other no matter what. For this universe has brought us together in the first place and it will definitely aid us again in the right time.
I promised myself that I will become the man Sakshi deserves. One she'll be proud to call hers and can love with all her heart. I promised I would find her after 5 years when I'm finished with my degree and confess my feelings for her. Till then I just had to wait patiently and work on my other dream.
I bid Sakshi goodbye that day. That was the last time I saw her...5 years ago. So you can imagine my surprise when she showed up right in my college as my opponent.
After my dumfolded stage the first day of meeting her at college, I was perplexed. As I said I was not at all ready to handle this situation. Yes, I planned to meet her once I'm out of college and I was way too excited for that but I didn't expect her to show up in my college as a part of my opponents team. Among all the scenarios I planned in my head this was the last scenario I thought I'd find myself in.
*find me a Randhir 😭 I wish my male fictional characters were real!!
