His blood on my hands

Jamia eleven

Belle stands in front of me with a handsome yellow suit and her gorgeous smooth skin. I don't know what to say. I feel like a deer in headlights. But I know that I can't wait for her to make the first move or say the first word. This is on me.

"Belle." I stand.

"Jamia."

Now I need to talk.

"Listen you don't ha-"

"No." I cut her off. I can't let her apologize for me, "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay Jamia, really."

"No you don't have to forgive me. I treated you like shit. First, I lied to you, then you brought me on the world's best date and afterwards I yelled at you, to put it lightly, because of my own issues!"

"I mean, yeah." She says, looking at me.

"I'm so unbelievably sorry and that's not for pity. That's because I want you to know." I look at her, the distance between us feels unnatural and staged, "Belle you are the best thing that's ever happened to me. And I guess I didn't know how to process that at the time. I've never really had anyone to be a part of me. And, I didn't even know how I was feeling or how to handle myself and my own insecurities and... these just sound like a bunch of excuses but I promise they're not I just-" She cuts off my ramble.

"Jamia. I forgive you, really. I don't see you as some weak and sorry case and I'm more than happy to be a part of you. I want to be a part of you. This sounds so cringey."

We both let out a small, contained laugh.

"But honestly, I forgive you." And I know she does because of how she fidgets with her hands and the way she looks into my eyes. I miss these moments of magic where I would hold a million electrical sparks because of the way she would look at me.

"How much?" I ask, grinding my foot into the ground nervously.

"What?"

"How much do you forgive me?"
She lowers her eyebrows and smiles slyly. She walks over and my heart beats faster. She grabs my face with both her hands and pulls me in close. We kiss and she grips my face passionately. After a second I put my hands on her waist and pull her even closer. We're so close our bodies are pushing against each other but I keep pulling her in which makes her laugh. After a couple minutes she pulls away, breathing heavily.

We can still hear the music from the dance floor just enough. I pull her into a dance and she smiles, holding me. We rock back and forth for a few minutes and I spin her a couple times. Then she starts hopping so I hop too and pretty soon her arms are flapping and she's doing a party dance. Both of us laugh as we dance like idiots with air guitars and the head shakes designed for rock music to the slow piano. After a bit we sit in a couple rocking chairs, exhausted.

"Belle, I don't want to go home." I blurt out.

"I wish I could stay with you forever." She says grabbing my hand and speaking in the tone used for wishing stars and 11:11.

Suddenly a cartoonish light goes off in my head.

"Then stay."

"What?"

"Stay with me."

"What do you mean?"

As an idea forms in my brain I look at her and kneel on the floor.

"Belle, I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I thought that maybe I would spend it in the same quarters I grew up in. Live and die in the same place like all my ancestors. Or maybe I would feed into the capitalist society and get a job. But even with all that uncertainty. I know one thing. And, god, this sounds like a Hollywood movie but in the best way," I look into her curious and deep eyes, the first thing that drew me in about her, "and I want to spend forever and more with you. Will you marry me, Belle?"