His blood on my hands

Jamia six

I sit in my room. Of this castle that I hate. I stare at my empty wall. I've never felt the need to decorate. It's been almost two weeks since I've flown home. And after my aunt and uncle found out that after two years of 'hands on investigation', I found nothing, they beat me. They beat me so hard I felt as though I would faint. Then they stopped. And they haven't spoken to me. They haven't given me food. I go scouring through the maid's quarters for a bite to eat. I only shower in cold water, and I overhear them talking about me. How they should have sent my brother instead. I've never considered him, Jaquai, my brother. He's my half-brother, technically, but honestly, a stranger.

I think about her everyday. About her skin, her lips, her hair, her voice. Her smile, her laugh, and our talks throughout the night. And how I screamed. I screamed like a monster. Maybe I am a monster. I remember going to the room after I had searched, with no success, the entire campus for Kendra. I thought I could, as a final resort, toruture her into telling me something. Belle was already gone, and her bags were gone too. And the last thing I told her was that she ruined my life. I wish I could see her again. Just once. So I can apologize. So I can kiss her. And hold her. And then say goodbye once more.

It's weird to be back home. I'm not quite sure what to do. I spend most of my time staring at my wall, or going for walks in our garden. I used to draw, but I don't anymore. Is this what life is? It's such an odd question. But, is this what I am set out to do? To stare at walls and walk in circles so that I may pass the time. I will never be anything as long as I live in this household. But I dont have the stability to leave. And I won't get it as long as I stay. What a situation. Where would I even go? I don't know. But there must be something, somewhere for me.