A part of me is missing (saiouma/oumasai)

Cooking

-30 minutes later-

I layed in Shuichi's arms and watched him doing something on the phone. I couldn't saw was he did. He looked at me a little worried and Sayed: ,,Kichi...your parents called the police and they are looking for you...", Fuck fuck fuck, i got panic and breath faster and faster. I can't go back!

Why did they called the police?! ,,Kichi?", He hugged me and tried to calm me down. The school knows that we are both are not going to school anymore, maybe they will come and... No please i don't want that to happen! I tried so hard not to think about it. Why me?! I tried not to cry and closed my eyes. We can do it... He still tried to calm me down and it kinda worked. I just feel asleep.

-next day-

I woke up and noticed that i were laying alone in his bed. Where is shuichi? I closed my eyes again. I heard Shuichi's voice, he was talking with someone. I opened my eyes and saw him standing right in front of the room calling with someone. I turned around and tried to sleep again. He ended the call and walked to me. I turned around again so I can see him and he Sayed: ,,good morning Kichi." I smiled and Sayed good morning back. He sat down next to me and gave me a kiss. I love those mornings with him. I kissed him back. We pulled away and i hugged him, i wish I could hug him forever. Without him i would be dead. I pulled away from the hug and he grabbed my hand. I sat up and looked to him. He asked: ,,Are you hungry you didn't ate much..." Not really but i guess i will try to eat something so he doesn't worry. I nodded and we walked to the kitchen. ,,And idea what you want to eat?", He looked to the fridge. ,,Uhm i don't know, you can choose", i sat down on a chair. Maybe i can help him cooking! I smiled and asked him if i could help him cooking.

-after cooking-

He wanted to eat with me so i guess i need to try to eat everything. I don't want him to worry! He started to eat and i started too. I was very slow but i ate everything. I never want to eat again... My stomach hurts. I looked to Shuichi and he was cleaning our dishes. I just watched him and forgot everything for a moment. I didn't knew that cooking is so cool, it was making fun with him. He turned around and looked to me: ,,i finished cleaning, wanna do something?" I nodded and thought about what we could do now. He seems to have an idea. He walked to me, grabbed my hand and pulled me up. He walked with me to his bedroom and then let go of my hand. What is he doing? I looked to him a little confused but then he kissed me. I kissed him back and after like a minute we pulled away again. He smiled and slowly grabbed my hand again. I feel really comfortable when he is around. I smiled back and looked to our hands. My hand is pretty small next to his. ,,Cute", he laughed softly. I blushed and looked a bit embarrassed away. He grabbed my chin, turned my head to him and kissed me again. It was a quick kiss. ,,Can you do me a favor...?", He asked and looked to my arms again. Did he noticed again... I didn't checked if the bandages were new... I nodded. ,,Wake me up when you feel bad okay?", He noticed... I nodded and looked away a little bit sad. Why am I so stupid, sure he would notice... I hugged him and he hugged me back. He played with my hair a bit. I need to cut my hair again, it's getting too long... I pulled away and he looked at me. I grabbed his hand and looked to the floor. My heart hurts. I lied to him, normally i doesn't have a problem with lying to someone but... I love him and it hurts! I don't want to wake him up every night just because of my stupid problems... Why do i feel the need to do it Everytime when something is happen that i don't like... Tf what's wrong with me. I got a little angry because of myself and i guess he noticed that too. ,,Hey don't be mad okay I'm sorry", i looked to him and Sayed: ,,I'm not mad at you... I'm mad at myself." Why am I like this. I don't know what to do now... He will think that I'm weird right? I let go of his hand but he grabbed mine again immediately ,,Don't be mad and yourself okay?", I looked up to him and nodded. I hate my height, I'm way to small for a boy! My heart hurts again... Fuck i hate my life. Why can't I just be happy? I sat down on the bed, let go of his hand and lay me behind. I don't want to stand anymore. I don't want to live anymore. I closed my eyes, turned around and tears where came out of my eyes. I didn't make a noise, so he wouldn't noticed. He sat down next to me and he were just quite. So he really didn't noticed. Maybe it is really better when I'm just dead. Maybe i should do it...

-some hours later-

We where sitting on the couch again. A new movie came out so we decided to watch it together. It's pretty good but not my favorite. I laid on his lap and watched him. He is really cute. After the movie he goes to make him some food and i just watched tv. I tried to found a nice sender but i didn't found one.