A part of me is missing (saiouma/oumasai)

I love you

I stayed quiet and just enjoyed everything. ,,Shu I'm tired~", at the end i yawned. I don't know why but I'm tired. I closed my eyes and felt asleep in his arms.

-After some hours-

I woke up and still layed in Shuichi's arms just in another position. It was really comfortable, but i felt bad for no reason. He read a book, it looks very interesting. I noticed that the sleeves of the hoodie I was wearing were pulled up and bandages were wrapped around my arms. So he did noticed that i cut myself... I felt even worse. I guess he didn't noticed the cuts on my legs. He didn't noticed that i was awake so he continued reading his book. I felt the need to cut again. Why now? I closed my eyes and turned me around so i lay with my face in his chest. I felt the need to hide, ,,shu?", He laid his book away and answered: ,,oh you are awake", he sounds a little worried. I guess he is worried about me because of my cuts. Maybe i can say that it was a cat, but it's to much and i don't have a cat. ,,Mhm i am", i spoke in his chest. Omg wait he kissed me... I blushed and felt something in my chest. It wasn't my first kiss but the best I've ever had. And he saw my cuts... I hope he isn't mad at me or something. I don't want him to be mad at me. He turned me so that I was on laying my back and he was sitting on top of me, i blushed even more and tryed to hide it. What is he doing? I kinda like it... He looked me right in my face and laughed softly. ,,Kichi?", He looked to my arms. Oh shit i guess he will ask me a question about it... ,,Mh?", I looked away kinda embarrassed. ,,How are you?", I didn't expect him to ask me that kind of question, but i answered with an: ,,I'm fine", sure it was a lie, i don't want him to worry about me. ,, Don't lie to me okay?", He sounds a little sad, why is he sad?! ,,Fine...", I made a break: ,,Sorry I'm not doing so good." ,,I can totally understand why, but please don't ... Do that anymore okay?", He still looked to my arms. I guess the sleeves were pulled up when I was asleep and than he saw it... ,, I'm trying...", I don't want to stop... But he want me to and i love him. I will trying to stop just for him! I really love him. He was still sitting on me. I guess he is doing that so I can't run away or something, i would runaway if he didn't sat on me. ,, Thank you", he laid down next to me again. I was embarrassed so i didn't moved. I want to cry, but i can't. Not a single tear. I just laid there without any emotions. He wrapped one of his arms around me.

-After a while laying there-

We laid here since some minutes and didn't spoke. It was just quite. I looked to him and he looked to me. I bite on my lips and he sayed: ,,please talk to me if you feel the need to do it okay?" I nodded, he smiled a little bit and kissed me again. I kissed him back and after a minute we pulled away. Is he my boyfriend? Or what is he now... I smiled. ,,I-i have a question...", I want to ask him... ,,Are we a couple now...?", I looked away a bit embarrassed. He just smiled and Sayed: ,,if you want to be my boyfriend!" I felt really happy in this moment, i nodded happy and hugged him. I've never expected that i will have a relationship in my life. He looked very happy too. I gave him a small kiss on his cheek and looked to him again. He is mine. I've never felt that happy.

-Some hours later-

I noticed that it's Christmas in some days and i have absulutely no money, so I can't buy shuichi something... But i really want to buy him a present. I thought about how i can get money, but nothing comes into my mind. I guess there is no way... Maybe he will go to his parents so i am alone... Maybe i just should ask him. ,,Shu what are you doing on Christmas?", I looked to him. We where laying on his bed because it's more comfortable than the couch. He looked up to me and Sayed with a smile on his face: ,,we can have a date if you want." I nodded and he continued to read his book. I guess he really likes books, maybe i can buy him a book! Oh right i don't have money... I stood up and walked to to the living room, shuichi stood up too, walked behind me and asked what i wanted to do. I want to look what kind of books he likes to read but i just told him that i wanted to grab a blanket because I'm cold. He walked to his bedroom again. I walked to his book shelf and looked what kind of books he reads. I grabbed one of his books and read a pace. It wasn't that interesting but not bad. I grabbed another book and looked to the cover, this one looks boring. I put the books away again, grabbed a blanket and walked to him again. He sat there reading his book. I looked to the cover and that one looks really interesting.

-At night-

Shuichi was sleeping but i couldn't. I slowly stood up, walked quiet to the bathroom and looked the door. I was feeling bad again for no reason. I don't know why but I'm always feeling bad at nights. I hate it.