Tango

I need you now

"Alex, stop thinking."

"What?" The Caribbean man didn't understand.

"You're stuck in the past and the future. I need you here, in the now, with me. Do you understand? I know this situation probably has you thinking a lot about your past relationship but, it's over. I need you now. I don't know everything either I doubt myself every day too - this is uncharted territory for both of us but, we need to get to it first. Okay? Stop thinking about what could've been and what might be. Right now, you and I will take this day by day, and we'll see how it goes."

"But-"

"I don't know it all, and neither do you, and that's okay. We'll learn along the way. You don't have to be scared."

The darker man squeezed his partner's hand tightly, the younger man didn't say anything but squeezed his hand back, a meek and hopeful smile on his face.

                                                          ***

More and more as the days passed, Thomas found himself thinking about his lover's newfound state of mind. He'd never seen the younger man so anxious in the whole five years he's known him. It was even scary at the time, just because he had managed to appease his other half's unusually active imagination, he didn't know if he'd be able to do it the next time it happens. The taller man was himself struggling with crippling thoughts of what might come but he had to push them away and keep his head straight for his mate even though it was getting increasingly harder with every new worry. What was troubling Thomas now were jealousy and a lack of self-worth. Why was Alex constantly thinking about his ex? Was she better than Thomas? Is Alexander not happy with him? Does he want to be with a woman again? Is Thomas too old? A myriad of thoughts was cycling in his brain day after day until he had finally had enough questioning and took matters into his own hands so to speak.
The older man decided to do some digging. Eliza was her name so, Elizabeth... The younger man had mentioned the last name once but they were drunk, how did it go? Sky? Sky-something? The man wracked his brains as he typed the name in the search engine and it automatically filled in. Eliza Schuyler... that was it. With a single click, the woman was less of a mystery. Finally, Thomas could associate a face to the label, her information popping up along all of her philanthropic work. Thomas went through the site, scrutinizing every word like a detective gathering info on a cheating lover... he prayed that thought would remain a metaphor. After hours of scrolling and reading, he hadn't learned anything that would help him but he did see some contact info. Should he call her? Should he send an email? What would it even contain? What was Thomas looking for?

Answers.

He had to do something if he wanted to have answers. So there he was in the middle of a workday writing draft after draft until he wrote what he thought was a well-worded email. He was so nervous, he couldn't stop thinking about it, as the workday came to a close he still hadn't received anything back. Was that address even still up to date? Did he type it in right? He checked everything he could on his phone but everything was correct. She's probably a busy woman, you can't expect her to answer you right away, he thought. That might've been his first rational thought all day. Going to bed he had decided he'd stop thinking about it, otherwise, he wouldn't fall asleep, and he didn't think about it once he awoke as well. It was only once he had gotten to work and turned on his computer that he saw the notification pop up, and all of yesterday's thoughts flooded right back in. But he had to see the message.

Hello Mr. Jefferson

I must admit an email about one of my past partners is not what I had expected opening my work inbox but, I'll admit it was a pleasant surprise nonetheless. Yes, I do remember Alexander Hamilton, I would honestly be surprised if anyone who has ever met his, forgot about him. He is quite the character - I'm sure you know it well. From what you wrote it seems your relationship is going quite well but, there must be something if you have taken it upon yourself to reach out to me so why don't we meet, and then we'll discuss what the matter is. I'll send you a message with a time and place, I hope to see you there.