Changed Since Texas / Post Malone

7.0

"Austin don't blame this on Dre" I said shaking my head causing my gaze to falter from his only for him to slowly bring it back as he gently pushed my chin back in his direction. That was common Austin, always placing the blame on others instead of stepping up and taking it himself. But, there was something about his urgency that made me feel like he wanted me to know the truth and was also hoping I'd forgive him so I gave him the courtesy to listen.

"I'm not blaming him Char, but I want you to know that if he didn't ask her to come this wouldn't have happened" he said, his eyes serious as they searched mine for hopeful understanding. I guess I kind of did understand and could see how Dre was a small part of it, but when it really came down to it, it was mostly all Austin.

I didn't give him an answer, I just stared blankly into his eyes desperately needing to hear the rest, not matter how much I didn't want to.

"I was drinking really heavy on the bus before the show, shit I even fucking forgot half of the lyrics to my own songs" a heavy look of disappointment in himself gnawing away at the normal clarity of his sky blue eyes. "They cut my set short and I just ended up partying in the club with everyone. Things were getting crazy and I ended up doing a few lines with everyone" my eyes leaving his as I swallowed hard. I knew that he had had a problem with drugs in the past, but I had thought he had moved passed that. I guess in his career though that was a little hard to do but that wasn't the issue right now.

"And the world just became blurry, my thoughts and feelings became numb and Ash really started to take advantage of it all. I don't really remember how it happened, but the next thing I know I was in a bathroom stall with Ash and before I realized it was too late, I had already finished" his voice sad and his eyes downcast as he let out a disappointed sigh.

I wanted to ask if he finished in her, I needed to know if there was a chance that she could become pregnant and this time for real, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. If he did I knew that there was no going back to him and it would be me, Austy and our new baby living by ourselves because I wouldn't risk the chance of having to share him with someone else. So, I was willing to pretend that that thought hadn't even crossed my mind because despite everything I needed him to be in my life. I knew I could raise the two kids alone, but that was besides the point, the real fact was I didn't want to raise them alone and I was willing to take him back just so I didn't have to.

"Char please I know it seems like a bullshit excuse and there really is no one else to blame but myself, but I can't even begin to tell you the guilt and hatred for myself when I realized what I had done. If you don't want to be with me anymore I understand that, but I just had to come and tell you in person" he said softly his voice sounding like it was giving up all hope that it came here with. He laid next to me for several more minutes as I stood at the fork in the road, trying to pull myself into the direction I wanted to go but a small part of me trying to pull me in the opposite direction.

I felt the bed dip as he pushed himself from the soft covers of the bed, the sound of his body sliding against the cotton material coming to an end causing me to look over my shoulder to see him sitting on the edge. His head was hanging low being gently cradled by the palms of his hand. Defeat and regret covering him like a warm blanket on a cold day, the heaviness of it weighing him down leaving him stationary in all movement except breathing. I let out a sigh accompanied by a crooked smile as I sat myself up on the bed, my hands running through my silky locks as I looked over at him. Three strikes and you're out I said quietly to myself as I started to crawl over towards his motionless body.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, his head moving to the side just slightly as I softly pressed my lips against his cheek, his whole body turning to look at me a sparkle of disbelief reflecting through his irises as a small smile appeared on his lips. I couldn't help but return the small gesture with one of my own before placing my lips softly on his, the feeling making my heart melt a sure feeling that we weren't ready to be over.