D A M A G E D • HS

3

TW: Themes of suicide

ARLO P.O.V

I'm pissed, I'm fuming, I am so angry I feel like my blood vessels are going to pop at any moment.

All I see is red. I'm so blinded by pure unimaginable anger, and it's all because of some dickhead named Harry Styles.

I fucking hate him with a burning passion.

I've had the shittiest day and interacting with him made me boil over. I have shitty days everyday, but I'm used to them, so they don't affect me like they used to. Yet, when Harry opened his damn mouth, I lost it.

I kept cool in front of him when we were in class because I knew that wasn't the place to cause a scene, but all I wanted to do was scream at him at the top of my lungs.

He really had some nerve to comment about my shaking foot. Why couldn't he just ignore it? Why did he have to make me realize? When do I get a break?

When he started talking about the fact that I probably was like that because I didn't get a fix, upset me, because the sad truth is, he's partially right.

I was extra shaky because like he said I didn't get my fix. I didn't have any coke, I didn't have a pill, I didn't have weed, fuck I didn't even have a cigarette or a vape. I have nothing in my system and it is causing the problems I'm already facing to worsen.

I guess I truly am an addict. Honestly I know I am, but to have someone I've never talked to in my life notice and comment about it, pisses me off.

Do other people know I have drug problems?

Do other people notice that I'm shaky?

Do other people think I'll end up on the streets?

Hell, he's probably right. I most likely won't amount to anything, lose myself to drugs and end up begging people for money on the streets just so I can get a fix.

That's my future, a homeless drug addict that can never be saved.

I know for a fact I'll never quit taking drugs. The only way I'll stop is either by an overdoes that kills me, or by something else taking my life, weather it be natural, car crash, murder, or I finally grow the balls and off myself to make everyone's life easier.

Whatever it may be, death is the only way to stop me from doing drugs.

I never planned on being like this, I never planned to have a drug addiction, but when you're me, you would do the same thing. You would take drugs too because you have to.

So Harry's words affected me more than I'd like to admit, his words lingered in my head. I'm the type of person who is never bothered by people's words because I just don't care. So why do his words have such an impact on me?

I hate it, I hate thinking, I hate feeling, I hate living.

I just want it to end, I want my eternal suffering to end, I want my life to end.

For some reason I'm still here. Maybe that is my purpose, to figure out a way to die. 

I wish the universe would become sick of me and strike me with lightning, or suck me up in a tornado, or drown me in a tsunami. Something! I wish the universe would do something to end me, but instead it likes to laugh in my face and keep me here to wallow in incurable pain.

I know one thing for certain about my life is that I will never know what happiness is. I will never know what care feels like, and I'll never experience any form of love.