Like Real People Do

19. Hello My Old Heart

Hello my old heart, how have you been? How is it being locked away? Don't you worry, in there you're safe, and it's true you'll never be, but you'll never break. -The Oh Hellos

Sunday, June 20th

Of all the stupid holidays and festivals that this town had to offer, the Flower Dance was by far the worst for Shane. Supposedly, it was meant to celebrate the end of Spring and welcome the coming Summer, but he knew it was just an excuse to make a spectacle of oneself. He didn't care to be a spectacle. He loathed to be seen. Shane preferred to find a private spot to sit out the merriment, but every year he was somehow roped into it, and every year he felt ridiculous.

Shane Callaghan never thought himself a looker. He was an athlete in his younger days, but it was impossible to tell now. Almost four years of varsity soccer didn't stand a chance against the following decade of heavy drinking and disuse. Even on his best day, he stood no taller than 5'8, and had a perpetual 5 o'clock shadow that refused to budge no matter how close of a shave he got. He just never cared much about how he looked because it never mattered. The best case scenario for him was being able to fade into the background, and he was just average looking enough to do it with ease. Living in a small town where everyone knew his name and business made it more difficult to disappear amongst crowds, especially with a reputation as spotted as his own. Shane might have been more frustrated if it didn't precede him.     

"Daddy!" A small voice interrupted his internal monologue. Jas was tugging at his pant leg, starry eyed and bouncing out of her skin. "Look at my dress!" She twirled to show him, pink with little hand-embroidered flowers on it. Marnie had outdone herself this year- the craftmanship was perfect and Jas was elated. Shane softened a little bit. There it was- the smiling reminder of why he put himself through this thing every year. Anything he did for Jas was always worth it. She was all the goodness that he had to offer, and he loved her more than life itself. Shane would have given her the world if he could, but a flower dance would have to be enough for today.

She was all the goodness that he had to offer, and he loved her more than life itself. Shane would have given her the world if he could, but a flower dance would have to be enough for today."You look great, squirt!" He ruffled her hair and she swatted it away.

"You're messing it up! Aunt Marnie did it for me and it took so long. I want to be the Flower Queen this year so I can't have messy hair!" Jas huffed.

He chuckled softly and lifted his hands in defeat. "Well, I think you'll be a beautiful Flower Queen no matter what your hair looks like."

"I know!" She sang. "Now hurry up!" She scurried down the hall, excitedly giggling the whole time. For a little girl Jas's age, this thing was like a holy pilgrimage. As miserable as Shane was at having to attend, he still had that beaming smile to look forward to.

His relationship with Jas was healing slowly but surely since the last time it slipped through his hands and shattered like a dinner plate. It started with the apology and only got better from there. Her trust needed to be earned, but he was working hard for it every day. Shane had been able to wake up in the morning to get her ready for school, and awake enough to spend time with her when she got home. He would never be able to undo the damage done, but he could do his best for her from now on. Loving her had to be enough, after all. It was all he had to offer.

He paused for a moment in the mirror, taking careful stock of his face. Shane's relationship with Jas was not the only thing that had improved over the last month. He looked noticeably different. Noticeably better, even. The dark bags under his eyes had lightened up some, and the ever-present red hue of his cheeks had disappeared. It seemed as though sobriety agreed with him, and far be it from him to look a gift horse in the mouth. One whole month of being firmly on the wagon. Who would have thought that there was a halfway-decent looking guy under all that bullshit? For once, the traces of his father in his reflection were fading.