Like Real People Do

2. Rhiannon

TW: Eating disorder

All your life you've never seen a woman taken by the wind. Would you stay if she promised you heaven, will you ever win? -Fleetwood Mac

The air was lighter here than in Rhiannon's old suburban town. It was clean, fresh, and smelled of the opportunity for a new start- something that she needed desperately after spiraling out of control six months earlier. She didn't fully understand why her grandfather left his old farmhouse to her in his will, but she didn't dare question it. All she needed was an escape, and that's exactly what this place provided when it fell into her lap. It wasn't perfect, but it was hers, and that was enough for now. Anything besides being a fucking HR rep for a mega-corporation would have been enough for her at this point. It was freeing, living in the country for the past few weeks, and Rhiannon had never felt better.

Granted, her choices were limited, but she was still glad to be there.

The months leading up to her big move had been nothing short of unbearable. Her storied past of disordered eating and anxiety made sure of that. Nothing was ever great as far as mental health went, but it wasn't often something she couldn't handle. Rhiannon had issues for as long as she could remember. At some point, all the counted calories faded into the background and she became comfortable with a baseline level of bullshit. Meals were hard, but that was to be expected. Mirrors made her want to disappear, but she could just avert her gaze when necessary. Whenever she ate she felt out of control, but it was nothing that couldn't be solved with strictly regimented rules for herself. No matter what, she was fine. Rhiannon never needed help. She was never sick enough to. Some times were better than others, but someone always needed it more than she did.

That's what she told herself, anyway, as she faded away alone in her one bedroom apartment.

She never handled bad news well, and the loss of Agnes was no exception. After a five minute phone call, Rhiannon was left to grapple with the fact that she would never see her best friend's face again. They hadn't spoken in months, but she never thought that the standoff would end in a graveyard.

It was all downhill from there. Par for the course for her. The day Agnes's life ended was the day that Rhiannon's spun out of control, and she was fucking desperate for anything to set it back on course- even if it put her in a box right beside her best friend. If not for her sister, Sara, it might have, but that was a conversation for another day. For now, Rhiannon was alive. Not thriving, but surviving, and what more could she really ask for?

She had the air in her lungs to run, so run she did. As far and as fast as she possibly could. However, try as she might, she couldn't outrun it for long. She glanced at herself in the mirror and winced. What a sight it was- last night's eye makeup smeared everywhere, curls frizzy and tangled. She didn't usually bother to put much effort into her appearance because whatever confidence it offered never lasted for long. The only thing she had the mind for was a carefully applied coat of nail polish to distract from the cuticles she picked at and the marred skin on her hands.

She glanced over to Henry who was sleeping peacefully in the window and couldn't help but be jealous. What she wouldn't give to be a deaf cat sleeping in the sun. He didn't have to worry about smeared eye makeup, dead friends, counting calories, or ugly hands. All he knew was sleep, eat, scream, and love. The weight that last night carried with it was too much for her to handle on her own, so she ventured out to the local bar to wash her worries away. It was never her intention to bring home a souvenir, but the night led where the night led and there was nothing that could be done about it now. She wondered why he had been in such a rush to go. It had undoubtably been a bit of a sloppy night for her, but nothing terrible enough to warrant a reaction like that. Not that she thought, anyway. After how quickly he ran for the door, she couldn't help but wonder what kind of stupid shit she said this time that drove him away.