Like Real People Do

6. Be Calm

TW: Substance Abuse (Alcoholism), Eating Disorder, Self-Harm, Loss

I don't remember much that night, just walking thinking fondly of you thinking how the worst was yet to come, when from that street corner came a song -Fun.

Monday, April 19th

"Hey, mom. What's going on?" Rhiannon paced back and forth in her kitchen, Henry weaving around her feet with every step.

"Um, well it's about Agnes." Rhiannon felt herself age at the sound of that name. Her family usually walked on eggshells around her when it came to discussions of Agnes, but sometimes it couldn't be avoided. "Her mom called. Wanted to know how you've been doing since everything happened." Rhiannon's blood ran cold.  Agnes's mother had never been a pleasant person to talk to even before, she was high on God-knows-what most of the time. She hadn't had contact with any of them since their falling out, and she wasn't interested in starting now.

"Okay." It came out choked, mangled. "What did you tell her?"

"I said you were fine. Doing well out in the country."

"Okay," Rhiannon squeaked again, still trying to hold it together.  She could feel anger rising in her chest. Her name shouldn't have been in Carol Cooper's mouth at all, and she wanted nothing to do with her. "So why are you telling me this?"

"I think maybe she wanted to talk to you," her mom said, voice barely above a whisper. "She's not in a good way, apparently. Thought that you might be a good to chat with." Even though she knew that her mother was looking out for her in her own bizarre sort of way, it still stirred up a rage in her stomach that clawed at her throat and threated to set itself loose.

"No. Absolutely not."

"Rhiannon, she's hurting too, you know—"

"I don't care. I said no." Her mother sighed before responding.

"Okay. Just think about it. I'm sure she'd appreciate if you changed your mind, but you don't have to do anything you don't want to do." Rhiannon pressed her lips together in a thin line and said nothing. "I love you, Rhiannon." I love you. Not something that was thrown around in their family very much, especially not from the Ice Queen herself. The Turners were not a particularly emotional bunch, so I love you was never taken lightly. Shaking, she hung up without saying a word back. She stood there for a moment, caught somewhere between absolute despair and binding rage before digging her nails into the back of her scalp.

This was the kind of shit Rhiannon moved out here to avoid. She thought that if she ran far enough that nothing would be able to catch up to her, but it always did and grabbed hold with a vengeance. Why couldn't she just leave it behind? Why did it all need to follow her to the ends of the earth? Why should she be the one stuck with holding everything together when the world so clearly begged for her to let it fall apart?

Rhiannon moved like a ghost to her pantry and threw the doors open. The food she kept in her home was limited because of nights like these. A life spent fixated on calories and control led her down every kind of path imaginable when it came to how she consumed. Calories in, calories out meant by any means necessary. Starvation was control, binging was chaos, purging was relief, and she always felt like she was treading a fine line between them all whenever there was food in her hands. Tonight, however, crossed decidedly into mayhem the second she ended that phone call. She started into the pantry, breathing ragged and eyes wide until she slammed the doors shut and screamed at the top of her lungs.

"FUCK!"

It was times like this when she was thankful that poor Henry was already deaf. She tried to shove it down. She tried to breathe to regain her senses. She tried desperately to find control over herself, but it was no use. She had lost it. Everything about this was just so fucked up and unfair. How dare her mother ask that of her? How dare Agnes disappear in the first place? How dare she even consider relapse after how hard she worked to get where she was? With hands that didn't feel connected to the rest of her, Rhiannon swung around and launched her fist into the wall as hard as she could. She immediately felt the pain shoot up from her knuckles to the rest of her arm and shuddered. Just her luck, she'd managed to hit a stud instead of putting a hole in the wall. It was a good pain, though, sharp enough to momentarily distract her from the rest of this shitshow of a night.