A part of me is missing (saiouma/oumasai)

Friendship

-After the school-

I showed saihara-can the school and nobody was bulling me in his near today. But that can't change my plan.

Saihara walked home with me. I don't want to go in there. I turned around to Saihara and Sayed: ,,Can we maybe hang out a bit?" I looked to the floor. It's embarrassing. I will kill myself today so i guess I'm allowed to have a little bit fun. ,,Sure if you want too", he smiled. ,,Do you have any idea what we can do?", I looked at him and then walked a little bit. i don't want to stand right in front of my house, maybe my parents could hear or see me. He walked behind me and Sayed: ,,maybe we could go to my apartment and watch movies or something i don't know" Mh that's actually a good idea. I answered with mhm and we walked to his apartment. He only lives 2 minutes away from my house. Why is he so nice to me? I don't understand it... Maybe he would get bullied too when someone sees him walking with me. I don't want him to get bullied too... He opened the door from his apartment and Sayed: ,, sorry i didn't cleaned the apartment", we walked in and it was a mess. It reminds me of my own house. The handsome emo boy closed the door and Sayed: ,,i live alone and i didn't expected someone to come over today haha" living alone is great, No one that can hurt you...  I sighed. ,,Is everything okay?", He looked at me while walking through his mess. ,,Yea I'm fine", i Walked behind him and asked: ,,How long did you lived here?" He laughed softly: ,,a long time but i never really came out of my apartment" We walked to a room where DVDs were lying around everywhere. I guess that's the living room or bedroom i don't know... ,,So i have a lot of movies which one do you wanna watch?", He sits down on the couch and waited for me to pick one. ,,I don't know you can choose", i looked to the floor. ,,Okay then a horror movie!", He laughed softly. It's so cute when he laughs. I nodded and walked to the couch. He smiled at me. Even his smile is super cute. I sat down beside him and he started the movie. I'm scared of horror movies but i didn't told him. At a very scary Szene Saihara wrapped his arm around me. After that Szene he still hasn't let go of me. I felt safe in his arms. 2 boys cuddling isn't gay right? I mean i am gay but i doesn't think that he is gay. Why do i care about it so much? I'm gonna kill myself in some hours and that's all I am thinking about?! I'm so stupid. In my last hours I'm thinking about someone's sexually. Wow kokichi ouma that's the stupiest thing you ever did.

After that movie we both where silent. I wish I could stay in his arms forever, it's really comfortable, but i can't. ,,Ouma?", He looked to me. ,,Mh?", I looked to him too. ,,Do you wanna go home?", He smiled a little bit. I don't want to die now... ,,No can i maybe stay here a little longer?", I looked away. ,,Is everything okay at home?", He sound's a little worried. Oh shit is THAT obviously. I stayed quiet, i don't want to lie but i also don't want him to know. Sometimes it's better to stay quiet. We didn't spoke for minutes. He sighed and asked right after that: ,,did you fight with your parents?" I think he is trying to guess what's wrong. ,,No and i...i don't really want to talk about it", a lie. I lied to him.... Please forgive me. I really want to talk about but maybe it could change my plan. ,,I understand but you can always talk to me okay ouma?", He hugged me. A beautiful, warm hug. I feel so safe in his arms. I don't want to die, i want to change my plan... But i can't just lying in his arms. My head hurts. ,, Saihara...", I hugged him back and closed my eyes. Is this friendship? Oh i finally found a friend. I smiled and a tear rolled town my cheek. ,,Is it that bad?", He looked worried and wiped the tear away. ,,That's not the reason I'm crying...", I wanted too kill myself today... And now he interrupt my plan. I can't just kill myself when I have a friend. He would be sad, i don't want someone to be sad when I'm dead. He would be sad i think.... I'm not sure because we don't really know each other but i have special feeling about him. I've never had a friend so i can't tell if it's a normal friendship. ,,Oh why are you crying then?", He still looked worried. ,,Don't worry about me okay?", I tryed to smile. He stopped hugging me and smiled back. His smile is really cute. I'm glad we meet. He keeps me alive. I don't really want to live anymore but i don't want to die neither. ,,Do you wanna stay the night?", He looked to the TV. I answered with an Mhm. ,,Don't you want to call your parents to tell them", he looked at me again. ,,I... I don't have a phone, and i doesn't have there number...", I looked away because it's kinda embarrassing. ,,Ah i understand, i only have one bed... you can sleep with me in one bed or you sleep on the couch.", He looked me in the eyes. I can't really sleep alone but i don't want to annoy him... ,,Can...we maybe... Sleep in one bed?", I looked down and spoke very quiet. ,,Sure", he stood up and Sayed: ,,follow me i will show you my apartment." He will show me his apartment...

-after he showed kokichi the apartment-

,,I really like your apartment", i smiled a bit. ,, Thank you", he smiled back. We both lay in his bed which was just enough for both of us. It was really comfortable. ,,Good night", he looked at me and i Sayed good night too. He closed his eyes and fell asleep very quick. I watched him sleep for some minutes and then moved closer to him. Maybe i can cuddle a little bit with him...