It Has Always Been You (Sonadow)

Chapter 17 - Admit it Shadow [Shadow POV]

[SHADOW]

"CHAOS CONTROL"

I arrived back at my house. It was in the exact same state as we had left it. It was nice of the guys to try to tidy up, but the place still felt unwelcoming and depressing.

I'll deal with this later.

I decided to walk down to the river to clean myself. I felt disgusting. Energetically and physically.

Taking off my shoes, socks and gloves, I stood on the edge of the bank. I took a few deep breaths to prepare myself. The river was always icy cold, especially in winter.

With an agile jump, I plunged in headfirst and submerged myself in the shallow water. My muscles tensed up as the freezing sensation engulfed my body and took my breath away. It was harsh at first but I knew this was the only way to get the full effects of a river cleanse.

I let the water flow over my body and wash all the bullshit away. Pulling my head up out of the water I panted for a few moments, trying to get my breath back. I rubbed my fur clean and washed my face. I didn't realise how much I needed that.

Stepping out of the river, water dripping of my glistening, black fur, I shook my arms and legs to help them dry. The air was warm compared to the water and my body started to relax.

I let my sight drift to the sky and fell back into deep thought.

This pain, why does it never leave me?

My whole life I have always gotten hurt or been mislead. I feel too much. My emotions are strong and as powerful as my energy. For this reason I hide how I'm feeling from everyone. Because I'm sick of getting burned. Every person I have loved has betrayed or abandoned me. Every person I have I trusted has let me down eventually. As soon as I let someone in, it ruins everything.

I can't believe I let that hedgehog get so close to me. He's nothing but a selfish, egotistical player. Godammit why does this hurt so bad?! Why is this pain more than anything I've ever felt before? The feeling of rejection. He's embarrassed of me. It made me sick to my stomach.

I sat down on the riverbank and stared at my reflection in the crystal clear water. For a moment I thought I saw Sonic's face looking back, but it was just a ripple on the river's surface.

I can't get Sonic out of my head. This is ridiculous.

And then it hit me.

I have feelings for that idiot! Really deep feelings. No! Why did this have to happen?

There has always been something about him. His strength, his fighting spirit, the way his risks his life to save his world. He has everything that I value in a person, values that I uphold myself. We are so alike yet so different at the same time. He is carefree, I care too much. We are both experts at hiding out true our feelings; him with humour, but me with scorn. Have I always been attracted to him but refused to admit it? Using rivalry as a self-defence mechanism so that I couldn't be hurt again?

Could it be that there is something more to the vision of us I saw? I still can't get over that beautifully perfect creature that was a complete merge of him and myself. How my heart opened and I felt love. It was on a different level to anything I've ever felt before. I can still feel it and I hate it. Because it's met with equal amounts of pain and rejection.

My state of being flickered back to anger.

I despise that hedgehog. He has hurt me physically in battles but I never imagined he would be capable of causing me this much pain.

Being back at my house was depressing. There was nothing to do here but think. I decided to sleep of my sadness.

Walking into my room I pulled the heap of blankets that Rouge had neatly folded onto the mat where I slept, and wrapped myself up tightly to block out the world.

*SHADOW'S DREAM*

Back here again. I'm outdoors in a crowd of people who I don't know. I don't know why I'm here or how I got here. Walking around is making me feel uneasy. Everyone here is in transit, rushing from one place to another. I have a strong urge that I have something to do and somewhere to be but I don't know what or where... I stand there watching the emotionless faces of people pass me by. Why do I find myself here so often? What am I supposed to do here?

This dream has been reoccurring for almost the whole of my life. I still can't find the meaning in it. It is the same every time and I walk around feeling lost for what feels like days sometimes. I just have to remember...

"Huh? What's that?!"

A sudden jolt of anticipation bursts through my chest as I see something shoot through the crowd in front of me. This is new, I have never seen it in this dream before. I try to push through all of the people walking in different directions around me to catch another glimpse of the object that is moving faster than anything else. Picking up speed I start shoving people out of the way. I know I need to catch up with this thing!

I can see it, I'm getting closer! The crowd starts to thin out and I finally get to see what I'm chasing. My heart skips a beat.

It can't be... It's... Sonic.

But he looks strange. He looks different, like there's something up with him or he's sick. I run towards him.

"Sonic!"

He sees me coming towards him but instead of talking to me he turns around and runs away.

"Wait!"

In an instant he's gone. Is he angry at me? What is he hiding?

I decide to chase him. I think I see him and run in his direction, but when I get close he disappears again. The keeps scenario keeps repeating itself and I find myself searching for Sonic over and over on some merciless loop.

The never ending search for Sonic starts to feel like torture and I grow tired and frustrated.

Suddenly I see him again. No! I can't take any more of this, this is driving me crazy!

I force myself to look in the other direction. To my dismay I see him in my sight again.

I try looking a different way. He is there as well.

"Argh stop this!!" I shout.

Sonic walks up to me. His face is twisted into a look of concern. He holds out his hand.

"Shadow, I've got something to tell you..." he says in a serious tone, and then a second later, turns his back and runs away again.

"Sonic wait!"

I try to run after him but I trip and fall, and keep falling, all the way down into my bed.

*END OF SHADOW'S DREAM*

I hit the ground hard, or at least it felt like I did, as I fell out of my dream and back into my body.

"What the..?!" I gasped.

My reoccurring dream, the one that has been exactly the same every single time I've had it for years on end, has suddenly got an extra element. Sonic.

But that dream made no sense. Why was he running away from me if he has something to tell me?

I nearly lost my mind trying to find that hedgehog. This is very unsettling.

What does this all mean?