Fragile

Chapter 28

I nodded, though his words only seemed to make me more confused. How was I supposed to learn Noah's different 'faces'? Even if I learned more about him, there would always be things I didn't know. I would always feel like he was hiding things from me. Was that really what relationships were like? Filled with secrets and constant worry? 

"If he's causing you this much trouble, maybe it's just not worth it," Seth said. 

I blinked, wide eyed. "What do you mean?" 

"I mean, there's no point in staying with him if he doesn't make you happy. You shouldn't feel the need to worry all the time," he explained. When he sensed my hesitance, he quickly added, "and my door is always open." 

Despite everything I knew about Seth, part of me wanted to trust that offer. It was an offer that seemed so genuine, so friendly. Exactly what I needed at that moment. Maybe if I had been on the outside looking in I would have known then that his words were too good to be true. 

Instead, I just nodded, a small smile forming on my face. "Thanks." 

****

It was past dark before I finally decided to head back to the dorms. It seemed that I was staying out later and later, freezing my ass off in the cold winter, but unable to be comfortable in the warmth of my own room. After the conversation with Seth, I felt slightly better, which internally was even more conflicting. It was hard to know which side of Seth I could trust. The side that I heard about, or the side that I saw. Then again, Seth was the one that said people could have many faces. Maybe they were both right. But if both were right, then how exactly was I supposed to proceed from there? 

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even realize I was being followed until I was tackled to the ground. I let out a yelp of surprise that was quickly shushed by a small, sweaty hand. I thrashed against the frail person who had a surprising amount of strength, but she continued to hold me down, both of us pinned behind the bushes of a building, just conveniently out of the sight of security. 

That was when the smell hit me. A painfully familiar aroma that had my entire body go rigidly still, my heart rate skyrocketing and my head pounding. It was a rather unique cherry vanilla perfume, one that I only smelled on one person my entire life. I was afraid to open my eyes, but also desperately afraid of my suspicions being confirmed. However, when I heard that sickly sweet voice, my eyes snapped open to lock with a face that resembled mine. 

"My fragile fairy, my baby," she cooed. 

"M-mom?" the words barely left my mouth, a ghost of a whisper. 

Hovering over me, she was gaunter than I remembered. My memories of her were fairly blurry from the basement, and she never was exactly healthy looking, but in the streetlights she looked half dead already. Her fingers caressing my cheek felt bonier than before, and I flinched at the contact, unable to move under her wirey frame. Her hair was knotted and matted into a haphazard bun, her wrinkles made her look thirty years older. Her shawl hung off of her body like a corpse. But what frightened me the most wasn't her appearance, but her eyes. 

In the basement, I always feared looking my mother in the eyes. If I kept my eyes glued to the ground, I could pretend her sickly sweet voice came from a place of love, of nurturing. I could pretend she was just overprotective, that she was doing her best trying to keep an unnaturally fragile daughter safe. But every time I made the mistake of looking into her eyes, I always felt my heart stutter to a stop. Because those eyes that looked oh so similar to mine contained no warmth, no emotion at all. They were wide, bugged out, like a crack addict in withdrawal. Her eyes revealed the insanity she had succumbed to in a way that both horrified me and saddened me. I knew she wasn't always like this, despite being unable to remember. I just knew. Something before the basement had happened, something that made a piece of her die inside. Something that left her a shell of a woman, driven only by insanity and obsession. 

"I made it in time," she breathed, nuzzling my collarbone like a decrepit kitten. I trembled under her, bile rising in my throat. I was too stunned to move, to yell for help, to even react. I had completely forgotten about my mother's threats; so much had happened since those photos, it had spaced my mind. But my mother, I realized, had never left. This was planned; she was biding her time, getting to know my schedule, knew even a place to hide me that was out of sight of security. All I could do was lay helplessly, a whimper caught in my throat but never released. 

"That awful boy tried to take you again," she tsked under her breath. "But Momma found you. Momma kept you safe, Momma will always keep you safe." 

I was frozen under her, almost as if I was watching this encounter from a distance. I could barely register the coldness of the ground on my back, the trembling of my body, the way my breathing became labored and wheezy. A million questions spun in my head, but not a single coherent sentence was able to stand out. 

"Quick, before that boy finds us." 

Boy? Who was she talking about? Why were we running? Part of me wanted to believe it was just another one of her delusions, like her fears of books containing portals and the sounds of cars that always seemed to trigger her delusions. 

"What boy?" I knew it was my voice, but I didn't register my mouth moving. I was too terrified looking at this shell of a woman that had me pinned to the cold, wet ground. 

She narrowed her eyes at my question. "Don't play stupid, Fay," she chastised. "You've been getting way too comfortable around these strange men. And letting that boy into your room? Surely he has brainwashed you." 

Was she talking about Seth? Then again, I wasn't close with Seth. He had never been in my dorm before. But who was this boy that seemed to have a history with my mother? 

"Noah?" the name fell off my tongue. 

Her nose scrunched disdainfully. "After all these years trying to keep you from him, and you couldn't stay away," she said. "Did you forget who he was? What he did?" 

"What are you talking about?" my mind was spinning. How did Noah know my mom? Since when did Noah know me? What exactly did Noah have to do with all of this? 

"Get off her!" The weight of my mother was suddenly ripped from my body as she flew back with a screech. I was too stunned for a moment to even process my savior as I came to a terrifying realization. 

Noah knew my mother. 

Noah knew me, before college. 

Noah was apart of my past. 

"Fay, are you okay?" Kiera's face hovered over mine, concern written over her face. 

"You can't have her!" my mother screeched, but her voice seemed distant, far away. My mind felt foggy, and I could no longer feel questions spinning in my mind, because my mind was completely blank. 

the world is a dangerous place, I heard my mother's voice. I will make sure to keep you safe from that man. They will never hurt you again.  

Noah's face came into view next to Kiera's. "Fay? Fay, are you hurt?" 

His voice felt muffled, like cotton had plugged my ears. I could see my vision was getting blurry, but right before I fainted, two words escaped my lips, barely above a whisper. "You lied..."