TW: contains mention of rape
*flashback*
you woke up in your cell, the events of last night going thru your mind, how the winter soldier fucked you and then disappeared. you looked over to his cell, he still wasn't there. 2 hydra agents walked in, they opened your cell, grabbed your arms and took you to the training room. the soldier stood in the training room waiting for you like always. it was the first time after the mission that you had to fight each other again. some part of you hoped the soldier would go easy on you seeing what you 2 been through. you looked over to him, again he had that empty look in his eyes but this time you saw a little shimmer in them too. what are they doing with him, you thought. you heard a gun go off signaling the fight had begun. the soldier stood in the corner not moving. this was different you thought, he would always immediately run towards you but this time he didn't. instead he just stood there, his eyes closed, like he was fighting something inside him. you 2 just stood in the room waiting for something to happen. "boring" the red faced man said "doctor". the doctor began speaking in another language and before you realized what was going on rage came over you, the only thing on your mind was to kill the winter soldier. the soldier was still standing in the corner not moving. you ran up to him and grabbed him by his throat and pushed him against the wall choking him. his eyes looked at you shocked and not that empty anymore. "s-stop y/n" he whispered having trouble breathing. you didn't hear him you were consumed with rage. you saw the soldier turning red but before he passed out the doctor said more words in the strange language and in seconds the soldier pushed you off him with ease. you fought for 30 more minutes when you slowly felt the rage fade. the soldier came running up to you throwing you to the ground and choking you.
you woke up in the torture room, chained and naked. "you were so close darling" Elliot said while sharping the knives "you almost had him". weirdly you felt a bit of pride, you almost had him, your chances were growing by the day, which meant it wouldn't take long before you could go home. "better luck next time, I guess" he said slicing the knife across your back. "so how did it feel to almost kill the winter soldier" he asked you. you didn't answer, Elliot made another cut in your back and another. "answer me when i ask you something bitch" he said slicing the knife across your back over and over. "I don't know" you screamed out in pain. "TELL ME!" Elliot screamed while he kept cutting you over and over. "IT FELT GOOD!" you screamed in pain. "now that's a good girl" Elliot said laying the knife down. he threw your clothes at you. "you can take a shower now" he said letting you leave the room.
you walked thru the door of the shower room. you stood in front of the mirror, looking at your hands, thinking of them around the soldiers neck. I almost killed him, you thought, not so proud of yourself anymore. you were sad as you realized hydra was making you into a weapon, making you into a killer. you heard the door open and the soldier came walking in. he looked shocked at you as he saw your bleeding back, he walked up to you looking worried. "who did this to you" he asked almost whispering looking at the deep cuts in your back. "it wasn't me right?" he asked taking a step back, like he was afraid that he might hurt you. "don't worry, you didn't do this" you said to him smiling softly. he took a step closer to you again tracing his fingers over the wounds, looking at them closely. you hissed in pain as he touched your back. this was the most painful session yet, most of the time they would leave it at 3 or 4 cuts, but this time your hole back was sliced open. "we need to clean it, or you risk getting an infection" he said to you. he opened a first aid kit that was hanging on the wall. the picked you up and sat you down on the counter, so you could rest your legs. he opened the first aid kit and started cleaning your wounds, you hissed in pain as he touched the wounds, cleaning it with alcohol so it wouldn't get infected. "why are they doing this to you" the soldier asked. "because i lost" you said back. "they do this every time to you, when you lose the fight" he said looking guilty. "it isn't your fault" you said to him softly, knowing he would blame himself for it. "yes it is" he said now wrapping a bandage around you. "you can't control it, can you?" you asked him. "they just say those words and i change into a killing machine" he said softly finishing your bandages. "do you remember after" you ask him. "yes, it takes some time but after a while i remember everything" he said tracing his fingers over your bruised neck. "I'm so sorry y/n" he whispered looking deep into your eyes. you looked back at him, his eyes were beautifully blue and this time you could see all his emotions in them. this eyes moved to look at your lips and before you knew it he kissed you. he stepped in between your legs, pulling you in, kissing you more deeply now.
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