Until She Was Gone

Chapter 14 | panic attack

Sylvia's PoV

 Saturday is the best day of the week. It will always be. 

I lay lazily on the bed and stared at nothing for a while. I didn't know what to think about. I decided not to think of anything. Which was the right decision. But an impossible one.

Rebecca had gone out to buy some coffee for both of us. She could tell I was tired, or she would have dragged me along with her. 

I was all alone in the room. All alone. My eyes fluttered close. I realized that was a mistake as soon as I did that. The man flashed through my brain. His guns. The sound of the gunshot.

I winced so hard, blood started to gather in my mouth. Being alone in a room always triggered those flashbacks. I was almost used to it by now. What if he just appeared out of nowhere? He was obviously still alive. And wanted money. Even after 6 years I couldn't fathom what money he was talking about. Though I did realize that some past was between mom and him. I couldn't help but think about it. 

My pulse started to quicken and breathing speedened. Nauseous feelings were coming back. I felt like I couldn't breathe. No. Not again. Not now.

I really wished Becca would come back soon. I thought of leaving the room. Outdoors always helped.  I stood up and terror seized me as I heard a sound. My hands started shaking. Footsteps. My heart started to race. I tried to tell my brain it was probably just a student going to his or her own room. This was completely normal. I would not survive if this happened every time I was alone and heard a person.

The footsteps came closer. My back hit a wall. Panic was starting to build up in my chest.It would explode in no time. I took a deep breath like I had always practiced. In, out, in out.

The door bust open. I screamed, collapsing to the carpet. My legs could hold it no more.

Long dark brown hair flew near the door. Chocolate eyes met mine. I heard the door close shut. My breathing slowed. I saw her face clearly.

 Isabelle. Dammit. 

She just heard me scream and collapse. Just like that. She probably thought I was having a panic attack.

But then, she was right. I sighed out through my nose.

" Sylvia!" I heard her exclaim, " Oh my goodness Are you okay? Oh gods, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I should've knocked. Shit. I'm so sorry."

I held a hand up to stop her from speaking anymore. Pressing my hand to my chest, I commanded my body to cooperate, to calm down. I heard her feet shuffling to me. I met her eyes and she looked at me as if I was some scared animal. I swallowed once more. Forcing a small smile, I said,

" It's fine. I was just startled." She kneeled down in front of me. Her chocolate eyes met mine. They were so different from Rebecca's, yet seemed to penetrate straight through me.

" No you weren't. I mean, yeah of course you were. But there was more to that. You were already scared. And you screamed. And collapsed. And you're still trying to calm yourself." Her eyes showed nothing but sympathy. 

She probably had figured I had PTSD already. I bet I looked like a mess. I squeezed my eyes shut. Leaning against the wall I breathed again.

" You're right." I said. She said nothing else as I got up on my wobbly knees. My back leaned against the wall.

Izzy held out a coffee cup for me. I could tell she wasn't sure what to do. I smiled a bit wider. This time, it wasn't completely forced.

" Thanks." I said, and looked at her nervously, " Is it okay, if I don't wanna-"

" It's fine. Totally fine." She said quickly, " Whenever you're ready." She paused and smiled back at me.

" Rebecca decided to go somewhere and demanded that I take this to you. She gave me the key too." she said.

" Somewhere?" I asked with a coy smile on my face, " With who?" She threw her head back and laughed,

" It's not like that. The sun rose in the west today. Brady wants to play soccer. So Austin, him and Rebecca decided to go to the field in the back here." she said, with a slightly wistful expression on her face. I looked at her with a confused face,

" Huh? Why is that surprising? Wasn't he the 'Lionel Messi' of middle school?" Izzy bit her lip.

" Was. He um, stopped. And started becoming an arrogant ass. And started sulking. And dooming himself-"

" What? What happened to him?" I asked. I blew my coffee. It was still really hot. She shrugged.

" Someone broke the poor guy's heart. He was so nice before. He changed." she said, again wistfully and sadly. 

I didn't know what to say. What to think. I felt undeniable anger. But at what? From what I had known about Brady, he had really been a nice guy. I didn't know how a girl could ever break his heart. He was every dream a girl had. Except me. Or maybe...even me. I groaned internally.

 I took a sip of my coffee. Isabelle looked like she wanted to say something.

" Go on. I'm okay. Really." I said, motioning her to speak with my hand. She hesitated, but then spoke,

" Do you wanna come too? I mean, I was gonna go. It would be refreshing to see Brades play again. But it's okay, if you don't wanna go. We're just walking up to the back of the campus. There is a huge area back there..." 

I smiled genuinely at her, to let her know that I was perfectly good now. Except for the fact that she asked me to see Brady. I didn't really want to be near him again. The same chills shot down my spine, even at the thought of him. I was going to say no, but what came out of my mouth was,

" Yeah. I'll come."