8th World Wonder

33.

He was exhausted. Completely exhausted and worn out but he couldn't go to sleep. There were too many things going through his mind. The fight with Meredith, the night before and taking care of her when she was drunk. They hadn't gotten to bed until three in the morning because Meredith was either fighting with him or getting sick. And by the time he finally got her to sleep, he couldn't get to bed himself. He went out on the porch where it was quiet and to keep from waking Meredith up as she slept on the couch. She had kept repeating to him that he couldn't love her, but he did. More than anything. And there wasn't anything anybody could do to change that. Losing her was something he didn't even want to imagine. The time they had spent together, making cookies, watching movies and just lying together was amazing. Taking any of that anyway would tear him apart. Except she wasn't ready for what he wanted. He wanted to be with her. Have a relationship, something defined and something serious, but she didn't want any part of it and was weighing on Derek's mind so much his head hurt.

"Hi." She whispered.

"Hey...You're awake." Derek smiled.

"Yeah..." She bit her lip, pulling the blanket tightly around her.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, making room for her on the swing.

"Like....crap." Meredith replied, stepping all the way out onto the porch and moving to sit on the porch swing.

"Do you remember anything from last night?"

"I....some...." Meredith bit her lip.

"You got pretty sick." Derek whispered.

"Being...drunk for the most of 24 hours will do that."

"I was really worried about you." Derek breathed.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing...It's...I understand."

"No....you....I've been awful and...."

"You haven't. If it wasn't for me...then this...nothing would have happened."

"It was the both of us."

"Yeah."

"We just....we threw all of us into this."

"I had no other choice..."

"And now....this happened."

"And it got messy."

"Really fast."

"But I wouldn't change it." Derek whispered.

"You wouldn't?" She asked, pushing her hair behind her ears.

"Not one thing."

"Oh."

"It was...I would do it all over again."

"But we're here and you said you....and I...and you would still go through everything?"

"If it meant it was with you...yeah."

"You...oh."

"Yeah." Derek nodded, not quite knowing what to say.

"But you said you loved me and...."

"I meant what I said."

"I know."

"So what do we do know?" Derek asked.

"I don't know." She whispered, looking out at the street. "You said things and I can't and...."

"It's too much for you right now."