Lightning Only Strikes Once - Clexa

Chapter 54: Calm Before the Storm

"Please let the Skaikru volunteers know they need to be ready in half an hour, too," Clarke requests. "If you tell Jackson, he should sort the rest of them out."

Lexa raises her eyebrows as Octavia leaves. "Jackson? Your mother's assistant?"

"Sha," Clarke says, "He was the first one to volunteer, I think he's worried about my mom."

Lexa studies Clarke. She has dark shadows under her eyes and her face is tense. This is her plan, after all, so she will blame herself for everyone who gets hurt. "Raven, Jasper and Monty kom Skaikru will all be with me," she says softly. "I will do my best to bring them back alive, Clarke. Linkon will most likely be fine as well, since he is following as part of the largest group, the one only for distraction purposes – the Maunon are likely to watch them, but I do not think they will risk attacking. And Wells, Finn, and Kane will all be in Arkadia, safe. Try to relax, ai niron. Stressing will not change what we have to do."

"I know that," Clarke snaps, then looks apologetic. "Sorry. I just... knowing that stressing doesn't help won't make me stop doing it."

"Nor me," Lexa admits. "I spent two hours meditating earlier, and yet when I think of you at the Mountain I still cannot remain calm."

Clarke moves forward and wraps her arms around Lexa, not kissing her, just pressing Lexa as closely to her as possible. Lexa can feel the thump of Clarke's heartbeat against her body. "Does this help?" Clarke asks gently.

"More than you could imagine," Lexa says honestly.

They just stay in the same place for a long time, not moving, just breathing. It feels almost like meditation does except that instead of being alone in the blankness of her trance she has Clarke with her, and that makes all the difference. After a while, she shakes herself out of it and looks down at the watch Clarke gave her. Clarke has explained how it shows the time passing, and she finds it very interesting, but at this moment she despises the hands for ticking forward. "We must go, Clarke," she says, keeping her voice quiet to not break the spell of calm a second before she must.

"I know," Clarke says back, just as quietly. She squeezes Lexa close once more, and then steps back. She looks better. Still worried and tired, but better.

The journey is silent. No one says a word apart from the occasional quiet orders given by Lexa or Indra. The smallest sound – the crack of a breaking stick, the cry of a bird, the buzz of an insect – causes the gona to jerk their heads around in watchfulness. The Skaikru keep hands on their new guns at all times. Lexa watched them practice with them yesterday. They are not very precise marksmen, but with the rate of fire these weapons have that is probably unimportant.

Monty and Jasper look the most scared, perhaps understandably. Everyone else here has travelled further than they have, been closer to danger. They have been comfortably in Polis fiddling with plants and simple bombs. Lexa can understand why Clarke worries for them. Lexa is also concerned about how they will deal under this unaccustomed pressure, but Clarke assures her they are the best 'hackers' out of the Skaikru (who apparently discourage this practice for some reason), which makes them necessary. When they stop for the first night, Monty quietly admits in Lexa's hearing that his parents believe he is spending time with Finn to help out, and may not realise for a while that he has left with the gona.

They have left Jasper's simpler bombs in Arkadia – Raven has probably produced enough sophisticated ones for their mission, and it may give Arkadia a chance if Clarke's scheme fails and the Maunon come for them.

TonDC is also quiet. Nearly all of the gona from here left for Arkadia. They will come back soon, following Lexa's group at a slower pace as a distraction for the watching Maunon, but for now TonDC has lost its busy, bustling atmosphere. It annoys Lexa for a reason she can't quite pin down.

Perhaps it is this – tomorrow, they attack the Mountain. They may not all die, but at the very least some of them will. Lexa has spent far too many nights in grim, quiet contemplation of her mortality. She would like the liveliness of villagers talking and laughing and running around to dispel that feeling. Perhaps that is why Clarke is over talking with Monty and Jasper, who despite their nervousness still joke.

"You know, yongon, this is one more time when you have shocked me," Anya says to her suddenly, passing her a strip of dried meat. They sit around a fire, but it smokes instead of blazes, and Lexa can't help but feel like the very flames themselves dread the Mountain. It makes their circle dimly lit and cold.

"Have I?" Lexa asks, tilting her head slightly.

"Fighting the Maunon. Such a wild, foolish idea." Anya smiles slightly.

"I suppose it is," Lexa says coolly, trying not to show that the words sting.

"Just as uniting the clans was," Anya says. There is something odd in her eyes, a depth of emotion Anya has never shown to her before. "Just as allying with the Skaikru was. I knew when the spirit chose you that you would lead us well, but I never suspected you would lead us so far. I never knew that someday I would look at you and see not my young Seken, but the greatest of all of us." Her smile widens and she closes her eyes for a second, as if overcome. "If we are to die tomorrow, then there is no better fate I could imagine than to die by your side, yongon."

"Nor I yours," Lexa says, voice slightly choked. She reaches out and they clasp each other's forearms in a warrior's grip, holding for a few seconds.

Anya clears her throat and releases Lexa. "I simply... I felt I should say that, as we may not have another chance."

The Trikru are all raised to believe that facing or defying the Mountain is a death sentence. Lexa can feel the weight of that lifelong belief even in her own mind, and she has seen the Mountain fall before. So she cannot blame the others for their gloom or their fear.

"If we are talking of leaving things undone, there is another you should consider," Lexa says. When Anya looks confused, Lexa gestures to the other side of the fire. Raven looks up and sees her. A frown crosses her face.

Anya flushes almost imperceptibly. "I have told you, Lexa, leave this."

"At least do not continue to act like she has wronged you," Lexa says softly. "You know she has not. Raven does not know what she did, and it bothers her. If you will not tell her how you really feel at least tell her that you care about her and you are friends. You think tomorrow we will die. If that is the case, will you have her die thinking she has angered you?"

"I do not -" Anya begins.

"Hey," Raven says, standing beside Lexa, still frowning. "You looked like you wanted to talk to me. What's up?"

"I merely wished to ask about your niron," Lexa says, feeling a spark of wickedness she hasn't felt in a long time. This is something a much younger Lexa would have done – a Lexa who was not Heda, who was just a feckless Seken running through the woods. Anya looks murderous.

"My... what?"

"Oh," Lexa says, feeling the twitch of an evil smile at her lips. "It means your partner. Finn." That is slightly less suggestive than what the word actually means, but it is close enough.

Raven huffs an annoyed breath. "He's not my partner," she snaps. Apparently Lexa has hit a sore spot. "Clarke didn't tell you?"

"I do not aim to get involved in your romantic affairs," Lexa says with faux innocence. Now she cannot prevent her smile. Clarke had indicated that she thought Raven and Finn's romantic relationship was finished, but it is good to have confirmation. Anya has suddenly stopped fuming next to her and is silent with shock. "I apologise, Raven kom Skaikru. I thought the two of you had reunited after what happened."

"Well, we haven't," Raven says, looking slightly mollified by the apology. "And we're not going to. We're family. That's it." She stalks off, not even bothering to answer Lexa's original question.

Lexa turns to look at Anya and raises an eyebrow. "There, see?"

Anya glares at her, but still can't stop herself from returning Lexa's smile. "If you were still my Seken, I'd have you whipped", she informs Lexa.