Does It Matter?

Chapter 45

Bug nodded slowly.

"What are your thoughts?"

"I thought Brayan was my destiny. All my life I believed that. I told you about the vision I'd been having for years that was fulfilled this morning, but there was another I had with Brayan in it. One where the two of us were together, up in the mountains. That was what convinced me to stay instead of joining the Wrasher."

"That was why you asked Maric if they could come with us? I had thought that an odd question..."

Bug nodded. "But maybe Brayan is right. Maybe these visions can be deceptive. What I have with Brayan is not what I expected my relationship with the man in my vision to be like. Maybe it has the potential to be, but Brayan is right that this exact point in time is not what I was led to believe. I don't know that those mountains I saw were in Ticia. For all I know, the future I saw was one where I stay with Brayan as they return to their normal duties. They serve near the border, after all. The mountains look similar on both sides of it."

"Does that mean you want to leave?"

Bug swallowed and looked down. He nodded. "I have family. I know you do too, but I haven't been gone nearly as long. My parents only had two children, and they'll be struggling without me. My older sister was with child when I was taken, too. I'll have a niece or nephew now who I've never met. I let myself believe that Brayan, all of this, was my destiny, but if I can have my freedom and my family and my home back..." Bug's voice broke. "Dara."

Dara wrapped an arm around Bug and pulled him close. "We'll go, then."

Bug leant away to look at him. "Really?"

Dara nodded. "I'm not sure what I want, but I won't stand in the way of your freedom."

"Do you think Maric will really be okay with that?"

"I think Maric made the offer with the intention of honoring whatever we decided. Whether he'll be okay, whether I will..." Dara sighed. "I suppose we'll see."

"I hope you will be. And Brayan and the prince, too. Well, I'm sure Brayan will be, but..." Bug shook his head. "I haven't known them long, but they seem like good people. They must be, if they're willing to do this. You're a healer — quite a thing to willingly give up — but the prince didn't seem to be concerned about that at all. Only how much he would miss you."

Dara let out a shaky breath. "I know. I wish I could take him home with me, introduce him to my family and show him where I grew up, but I can't have both. I'm glad you're here, a part of this decision, because there is no right choice for me. I feel like I would inevitably regret whichever path I chose if it were only for myself, but if it's the right thing by you, I can't truly regret it."

"I'm glad it helps. I don't want to make you feel like you have to do this for me, but I can't pretend I don't mind whether we stay or go. Maybe that's selfish, given how much more important you are than me—"

"Stop," Dara interrupted. "I'm not. The value of two slaves can be compared, but Eth are equal. What you would sell for means nothing."

"You're right. My parents never let me think I was better than my sister just because I had an ability and she didn't."

"My family was the same," Dara said. "Healers are rare and my family was happy when my ability began to emerge, but I still had to muck the stables, brush and feed the horses. It never crossed my mind to think that I was too good for such things. My family ran a ranch, so those were things we all did. Like any child, I complained about chores at times, but I don't think I would have been happy if they had told me I didn't have to do them anymore because I was a healer. I wouldn't have wanted to be singled out like that."

"Do you know where your family is now?"

Dara shook his head. "We took the horses and fled. We were always ready to. I don't know where they would have ended up."

"We'll find them," Bug assured him. "I'm not sure where my family will be exactly at this point either, but I know how to hunt for food, start a fire, find water. We can travel from town to town looking for as long as it takes."

"I was never much of a hunter, but I think I remember enough about survival and travelling that I won't be a burden."

"There was never any danger of that."

Dara gave Bug a fond smile, then sighed as it slowly dropped from his face. "I suppose I shouldn't leave Maric waiting any longer. I should go and tell him what we've decided."

Bug nodded. "I'll let you have that conversation with him alone. There are parts of this that are just between the two of you."

Dara wrapped his arms around Bug, pulling him into a hug. "Thank you."

"I'll wait here, I suppose," Bug said as they pulled apart and Dara stood. "Hopefully Brayan won't mind me being in his room a little longer."

"He didn't seem to mind your being in his room one bit last night," Dara said, shooting Bug a grin before leaving the room and shutting the door beside himself.

#

The smile faded from Dara's face as he headed towards the stairs, the weight of the conversation he was about to have settling in on him. It was hard to believe he'd come to care for Maric so much in so little time.

But maybe time didn't matter for much. They'd be through more in the time they had spent together than many couples went through in a lifetime. Dara had almost died twice and Maric once. Perhaps numbers of near death experiences weren't something most people measured their relationships by, but the events had certainly brought them closer.

As soon as he reached the bottom of the stairs, Maric spotted him and hurried over. His eyes were on Dara's face, searching, and Dara suspected from his grim expression that he had already figured out what Dara was going to tell him.

"Can we talk upstairs?" Dara asked.

Maric nodded, took Dara's hand, and led the way.

Once they were inside Maric's room with the door shut, Maric went and sat down on the edge of his bed and let out a sigh. "You're leaving, aren't you?"

Dara sat down next to him. "Yes. I'm sorry, Maric."

Maric shook his head. "I've been trying to think what I would do in your position. The same thing, probably."

"Leaving you is the only hard thing about this decision," Dara told him. "I want to be free, to see my family and let them know I'm alive, to go home, to bring Bug back to his home and family. There are so many reasons I want this, but I want you to know that it was still a difficult decision because of the love I have for you. This is not something I've chosen because I don't care for you, Maric."

"Love is often tragic," Maric said. "Though we've been together only a short time, you've changed me to the core in ways I will be forever grateful for. You've reminded me of things I always knew but chose to ignore at times because I could. That we're all people, that we all deserve a certain standard of treatment and respect. That even the most powerful of men should have accountability to himself and, failing that, to others."

"You gave me back my sense of self worth, my confidence," Dara said. "You reminded me of who I am and what I can be. I hope this isn't the last time we see one another."

"I hope that if we do see one another again, it will be under circumstances that are better for both of us. Circumstances that let there truly be an us, if that's what you still want."

"Who knows what the future will bring?" Dara smiled. "Well, Bug, but as he says, he isn't very good at it."

"Well, I hope that whatever devils lurk in that boy's head make up for some of the grief they've caused him and keep the two of you safe on the road."