A Tall and Small Collection | Soren

Goodbye

"Ashlynn!" he called in the softest shout he could manage. The boys didn't need to be awake just yet. Ashlynn froze and scanned the ground until she spotted him, a visible and slightly sleepy smile crossing her face as she knelt.

"Morning," she muttered, stifling a yawn. "What are you doing up so early? I didn't wake you, did I?"

"No, you didn't wake me. I mean, I heard your alarm, but I was kind of up anyway," replied Soren. Ashlynn blinked a few times, seemingly reading into his words.

"Good to hear I guess. Everything okay?" she asked. Soren's chest tightened involuntarily. There was a pang in his chest. No, everything isn't okay. I'm about to make a decision I don't want to make.

"Kind of," was the response he gave. "Do you... I mean, do you think we could talk for a second?"

For a moment, there was something in Ashlynn's eyes – something that seemed to already know where this was going. She didn't say anything and, instead, laid her hand on the ground for him to come with her. Soren noticed only after he had climbed onto the tips of her fingers and knelt that he hadn't flinched when she approached and climbed on with ease. Silently, he wondered how much he had changed since staying with his human friend.

Friend. Yeah, I guess that's what we are. I have a human friend. I can only imagine what Dad would say.

Ashlynn ascended carefully, but it still sent a rush of chills through Soren's entire body. The sensation of rising quickly made his head spin. It was exhilarating. Ashlynn stepped out of the room, past the hallway, and into the kitchen to start her morning coffee and breakfast, setting Soren down on the counter by the breadbox. She was quiet for a minute, as was Soren.

Ashlynn seemed to understand wordlessly that Soren was working out what he wanted to say and how he wanted to say it in his head. The silence hovering in the kitchen was only mildly uncomfortable until she spoke.

"You're leaving, aren't you." The statement was like a knife to the side. Soren couldn't help but look away, his chest tightening again. It was said so conclusively, like she expected him to say yes. His reaction was all she needed to confirm. Her jaw tightened and arms instinctually folded across her chest, head bobbing up and down in a nodding motion as if that would help her accept it. There was a harsh pang of guilt in his chest, but his words were failing him. What should he say? What could he say?

"When? Where will you go?" she asked eventually. Soren swallowed the lump forming in his throat and leaned against the breadbox.

"I'm... not sure yet." This earned an almost disbelieving look from Ashlynn. "Really, I don't know. I think we should just go ahead and leave today. No sense in prolonging it and, I mean, we're supposed to leave the building entirely, but..." Soren couldn't believe himself. His heart was pounding in his chest. The tightening was beginning to constrict his lungs. The Borrower didn't need to look to sense Ashlynn's blue-grey eyes on him.

"But... you don't want to?" she finished hesitantly. Soren was shaking his head before he realized what he was doing.

"Then just stay! I know you said you're supposed to leave, but why can't you just stay? I already know about you and your brothers. Sure, there are rules, but you can still do your thing without feeling trapped and everything else." Ashlynn hadn't raised her voice, but there was a distinct tremor in each word she spoke.

Soren placed his hands on his hips, keeping his eyes averted, as he absorbed Ashlynn's words. It was true. They could in theory stay and continue their lives, but it was more than that.

"We could do that," he muttered. "But the same thought keeps coming back to me." He paused to breathe. "What if something else happens to me and I can't take care of myself and the boys? Or, worse, I'm not around to take care of them. They're young and need to learn how to be proper Borrowers in order to survive. They can't rely on you to take care of them, and I don't think they'll take training seriously if they know they can come back."