Mastering Illusions

21

We make the lightspeed jumps through the night, but I can't sleep anyway and after a couple hours of attempting, I watch the jumps through my window. The thought of seeing Gamora again gives me chills, and I can't help remembering how, when I had left, we had both agreed to carry on with our lives, separate from one another.

But now we have a chance. Now, things can be different. If we only can run away...if we only can leave Asgard and Thanos and everything else behind....

But I'm haunted by the thought she may reject me, may not want to run even though she spoke about it so often before. So much has changed since then, so much has shattered since then, that I don't know if those conversations shattered as well. But if it is an illusion, I might as well dispel it forever, and if it is not...if it is not, there is still hope left.

Hope. What is hope? I find myself dwelling on that question for the rest of the journey home. I try to figure out what hope means to me, and what it is. Is it survival? Is it family? Is it something else, something else I can't define? Or is hope, itself, undefinable?

Morning comes and I still don't have an answer.

We reach Asgard and are ushered back up to the palace. Frigga hugs me tightly, her smile barely concealing worry. Odin looks like he's aged ten years since I left, his eyes weary and lined. But neither of them say anything to me about the Champion Tour, just tell me they're glad I'm home.

I need to ask them about what Laufey said, concerning my heritage.

A shudder runs through me at that reminder of me being a frost giant. I almost don't want to ask, but I know I shall have to, if I ever want them to affirm what I already know and fear to be true. Afterwards, I assure myself. I'll ask them later.

Selvig, MJ, Flash, and Ned make me spend the rest of the day preparing for the final event tonight. Selvig has brought out the golden armor I wore for the opening ceremonies back on Titan, before the Contest, traditional Asgardian armor. I slip it on, feeling odd to be looking so Asgardian again, when I know my skin tells me otherwise.

No. Tonight and forever, I am Asgardian. No matter what.

I stare at myself in the mirror as Selvig settles the helmet over my dark hair, MJ smoothing the ends down. It feels good, to be wearing the armor again. I allow a smile to play over my lips, but it looks just a bit deranged. Ned and Flash both give me wide berths for the rest of the day, after that, and end up spending a lot of time petting Goose, who doesn't eat them. My scientific curiosity is disappointed by that.

At last, it is time for the event. There is no speech, just the feast and the party. It is held in the throne room, and Veers, dressed in a gold and dark green variation on her Starforce uniform in order to match my dark green and golden armor, and I descend the stairs from the dais, Odin, Frigga, Thor, Hela, and Valkyrie all behind us. Then the music begins and the noise level shoots up and I am left to dance with Veers.

We dance two songs in a row and then Thor asks Veers for a dance. I know he does it to help me out, to allow me a moment to breathe alone, and I am grateful to him for that. I know I call him an oaf, but Thor really is considerate.

He's still an oaf, though.

As they dance, I scan the chamber, searching for one face that I haven't seen yet today. I've already seen Nebula earlier, who greeted me solemnly, but Gamora is the one person I haven't seen yet.

Then I feel an unexpected hand on my shoulder. "You lost something?"

I turn to face my best friend, a surge of emotion rushing through me. To see her again, after deciding to listen to her for once and run away with her, fills me with adrenaline and...other emotions I care not to name. Dressed in a figure-hugging black shirt and obsidian leather skirt that ends just over her knees, Gamora looks even more stunning than I remember. Her boots come up to her knees, and for once, she doesn't have her weapons on her. Of course she doesn't – this is a party, after all, and Gamora doesn't need blades to kill.