Mastering Illusions

17

District 2 belongs to HYDRA, governed by the Red Skull. The Statesman flies low over the US as we travel toward the district, allowing us to watch the landscapes pass by below us. Veers and I stand at the window, watching the deserts, mountains, and meadows flow past.

Something changes in Veers' face as we stand there. Her expression grows softer, almost, her eyes more distant. As we fly over a highway, there's a look in her eyes that I recognize from somewhere, and it takes me a while to place it.

It's the look she gave me, in the days leading up to the Contest.

"What is it?" I ask her quietly.

"I feel like I've been here before," Veers answers after a long moment of silence. Her voice is soft, and her eyes are unfocused. "Like it's something from my past."

"I could have sworn I'd met him before."

"I believe he has some connection to my past."

Veers said that, during her interview before the Contest, after Luis asked her which contender she had a connection with. She was supposed to say Yon-Rogg, Luis had been trying to segue into asking her about her partnership with the other Kree and her time on Starforce, but then she had said...me.

When I look back on it, that must have been the moment the idea to use romance, or at least our partnership, as a strategy was born, but whether it originated in me, Veers, Hela, or Ronan, I don't know. But she had claimed she had a connection with me and Luis had suggested love and....

Without that, perhaps everything would have ended differently. I could have gotten out of the arena as the sole champion, and Thanos wouldn't have painted a target on my back, wouldn't have singled me out.

But I can't change the past. Not now, not yet, probably not ever.

"Veers," I say quietly, lifting my eyebrow at her.

She looks over at me, starting slightly. The Kree looks like she's about to cry, a look I've only come close to seeing once before, during the recap of our Contest following our victory and we had to watch everybody die again. "I feel like I've been on C-53 before," she says, looking back out the window. "Like...like this belongs to my past."

"You said you didn't remember your past," I remind her.

"I don't," Veers murmurs. "That's why I think this must be...must be a memory I...a memory I no longer have."

I look down. "During your interview, you said you felt like I had some connection to your past."

"And you said you didn't." Veers sighs. "I know I'm Kree, Loki. But...I have these dreams. And they have nothing to do with the Contest."

That's because you're from Midgard. I saw you here, when we were children. But I don't tell her that. For some reason, she doesn't remember that past, and so I don't tell her about the time we met, when she crashed her go-cart and stood up out of the wreckage and impressed me enough for me to remember her, all these years later.

Before, I hadn't told her because I didn't know why she didn't remember, or why Yon-Rogg seemed to resent me so much. But now, I don't say anything because ignorance, in light of the past, is truly bliss. I had once thought I was a son of Odin, a brother of Thor, and with one touch, Laufey has made me doubt all that.

Am I truly Laufey's son?

And not Odin's son? Not Thor's brother?

I didn't want to know that. I didn't want to know why my skin had changed hue when Raze had grabbed my wrist in the arena, I didn't want to know why my body overheats while I sleep and I wake up in a pool of sweat. Thor is an oaf, but he was my brother. Is my brother. Maybe. I don't even know anymore. And that makes Frigga...not my mother. Nor Hela my sister. Nor me Asgardian.

But I wanted to be Asgardian. More than anything, I wish I was Asgardian again. I would be content with being Odin's son, if I could only go back and change what I now know. I would change so much, but I can't. The past is done, and I am no son of Odin, no brother of Thor.

But being the son of Laufey...I don't even want to think of that.

I need to be a worthy son. I need to prove to Odin that I can still be his son, even if I am...even if I am frost giant.

So am I nothing more to Veers than her clinging to a memory that barely exists anymore? A memory that is nothing but a chance meeting, a locked gaze? I didn't do anything that day for her to remember me – so why does she?

When we arrive in District 2, we're brought out to give our speech, with Red Skull introducing us. HYDRA is allied closely with Thanos, which means my task in celebrating the Balance should be easier here, despite the fact that Veers and I killed both their contenders, Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton.

When we step on the stage, I see the Barton family, a widowed wife with three children, one only a little boy. I see Cooper Barton, the boy who was supposed to have been in the arena, but his father, the Hawkeye, had volunteered for him, had taken his place and died for him. I remember Clint in the arena, when he went up against Peter Parker, and hesitated when he saw the boy behind the mask, unwilling to kill a kid who could have been his son, if things had gone differently.

"He had heart," I tell his family. "And he had my respect."

I have no words for Natasha. I didn't like her that much, and she didn't do anything to make me respect her. Besides, there's no one standing on her platform to appease, anyway.

Darren Cross, Ava Starr, Bruce Banner, and Bucky Barnes are the four contenders for District 2, and they all refuse to interact with us at the feast. The event is overall hostile, and I am glad when we leave to make our way to Wakanda. They're monsters, all of them, and I have nothing to say to them.

Except, when I think about it, we're all monsters. Any heroes among us died in the arena. Only the monsters are crowned champions, because the Contest of Champions is only a reenactment of Thanos achieving Balance, and he's the greatest monster of all. So who are we but his lackeys, following docilely in his footsteps to fruitlessly pantomime snapping our fingers, to remind everybody that only monsters win in the end because the heroes all sacrificed themselves?

What did it cost you? Gamora had asked me when I returned.

The thought that I'm a monster bothers me long into the night.