Mastering Illusions

22

"So, you and Gamora seemed to be getting along," Nebula comments as we trudge down the deserted corridor toward the champion wing. Valkyrie hangs heavily in between us, her boots dragging against the polished floor. "For a while, anyway."

I sigh. "What do you care, Nebula?"

Nebula stops, jerking me to a halt since she is holding on to Valkyrie. Annoyed, I glance over at her, at her angry glare. "You are such an idiot," she hisses. "We may not have been friends before, but my sister cared for you. And then, that was enough. And between you and your brother...I hated you the least."

"I knew that," I tell her, remembering her laugh when Thor volunteered for the Contest.

"Don't hurt my sister," Nebula instructs me. "Or this time, I will make you pay, Loki." She steps forward and I start walking again, both of us silent as we bring the drunk and unconscious Valkyrie back to her room.

We lay her down on her bed, Nebula instantly turning and leaving the room at a swift clip. I stay for a little bit though, staring down at Valkyrie, who we have turned onto her side. I haven't seen her this dead drunk in...since before the Contest. Even at the Reaping, she fell down but didn't pass out.

Why? Why now?

Then I realize that Valkyrie doesn't need a reason to get drunk. She has a problem, so there's no reason at all for her to be this drunk aside from that.

I exit her chambers and make my way back toward the throne room, but I don't make it that far. As I pass an open door, I see a figure silhouetted on the balcony and know instinctively who it is. Who else left the party? So I turn off the corridor and silently head toward her.

"You want to run." Gamora doesn't turn around, barely even stirs, but her words still cut through the air as I stop beside the doors leading onto the balcony.

I don't hesitate. "Yes."

Now she turns, her eyes meeting mine as I step toward her, joining her beside the balcony railing. "What made you change your mind?"

"Your father," I tell her, lifting an eyebrow. "I don't want to wait around for him to punish me, Gamora. I want to leave all this behind and run away with you. I don't care if this is an illusion, I don't care about Thanos' warning."

Gamora holds my gaze, her own steely. "So you failed."

Even though they're true, the words still sting. "Veers and I did our best, Gamora. But the districts...they don't want our romance or Thanos' Balance. They want our rebellion, my illusions. The very name of Thanos made Sokovia angry, and acknowledging the Balance caused the death of Peter Parker's aunt. Balance isn't something they want restored, it's something they want overthrown, dismantled." And Balance isn't something I want, either.

Gamora lowers her gaze, which is now distant and calculating. I watch her, anxiously waiting for her to reply, to say something, anything. "Loki, it's too late to run."

I draw back, furrowing my brow. "What? No, no, Gamora, we still have time."

"No," Gamora insists in a low voice. "We don't. Don't misunderstand me, Loki, I want to run with you." She lifts her gaze to mine, full of bitterness. "But the time to run was before you were drawn into all this, before the Reaping. Then, Thanos could have let us go, back when nothing was at stake."

"You sound so sure," I murmur, fighting to keep my voice and features impassive. Part of me wants to scream, to demand why I can't show her the route off Asgard, why we can't steal a ship and escape anywhere we want to go. But the other part of me sees a need to keep calm, quiet. To not let her see how much this rejection hurts.

"I am sure," Gamora says. "I know my father well enough to know that. He would have let us believe we were free, but now? Now, you are a public figure, you are someone who everyone knows. And you are someone he has promised pain to. It's your blood he thinks he needs, to right this, and therefore you are not someone he can just allow to leave. If you leave, others will know." She goes silent for a moment. "Besides, you were right. The Kree would be on us before we could get very far. There's nowhere we could go where we would be safe, free."

I feel like I've just gotten stabbed, like the wound I received in my abdomen from Carnage, back in the arena, has just been ripped open with all the force of a ragged edge. I can't breathe, for a moment, at the sight of the illusion disappearing all around me. I had fallen again, for something that wasn't real. I had run right toward it and toppled right over the edge when it faded on contact.

I used to think it entertaining, when Thor would stagger through my illusions, but now there's nothing funny about it. The hope I had allowed myself to have, the hope I had guarded like one shields a flame on a windy night, ripped at my heart like thorns, burned my flesh like that flame unleashed. It betrayed me, without a second thought, even though I trusted it and nurtured it.

No, no, no. Gamora's telling me no, she doesn't want to run with me. I can't run, can I? Or can I? I can run without Gamora. I don't need her. But...but I don't want to go alone.

Whatever it takes.

It's the thought of my promise that slaps sense back into me. My control is back and I glare at Gamora. "What happened to 'Whatever it takes?'" I demand. "What happened to that, huh? You made me swear to come back to you, no matter what, and then I came back, and that wasn't enough. And now, when I ask you to come with me, when I ask you to do whatever it takes, you just tell me no."

Gamora bares her teeth in annoyance, striking up with her forearm. She hits me in the throat and forces my head back as I gasp. "I told you that whatever it takes isn't enough," she spits, pressing her arm against my throat. "We can run, but we won't escape. You can't escape Thanos, Loki. All my life, all he's wanted to do is preserve the Balance he's brought to the universe. And since he has all six Infinity Stones, he can preserve that Balance. With a snap of his fingers, if he needs to." For emphasis, she lifts her free hand and snaps her fingers, the sound crisp and cold. "What are you going to do against six Infinity Stones?"

I scowl at her. "Whatever it takes."

Gamora jerks away from me. "You don't get it!" she yells. "You just don't get it, do you? Loki, you're supposed to go on your mission with the other space champions. Thanos isn't going to let you walk away from that!" Her voice lowers. "Or me."

My eyebrows shoot up so far, I think for a minute I might have lost them. "You?"

"Me," Gamora confirms. "My father has decreed that Nebula and I are supposed to accompany you, Thor, and Veers to Titan tomorrow, for your assignment. We are to ensure you keep your focus."

I furrow my brow in confusion. "Tomorrow?"

Gamora nods. "Your mission has been moved up. That's the other reason we can't run. The Other is more watchful now. We would never make it. Both of us are expected to depart tomorrow. Running will do nothing but kill us faster."

Turning, she strides away from me and I'm left alone on the balcony, with only the knowledge that the pain Thanos promised me will find me, one way or the other. But that knowledge is nothing to knowing that even when I offer her a way out, Gamora still won't accept it from me.

What did it cost you?

It cost me Gamora. It cost me my freedom. And it may cost me my life.