JUST IN TIME (Author's Reco)

RION GOT THE FEELS

JENNIE

Lisa and I talked that we should explain to Rion our situation right now. We don't want to hurt our son when he's the one who is going to find out. It must come from us, his parents.

I came to Lisa's place around nine in the morning so we can also discuss with Rion that I am taking him to Korea with me tonight.

My chest is still so heavy but when it comes to my son, I really have to be strong.

I cooked first and checked the house. Lisa gave a straight three days off to her helpers and I find the house really not in good state right now. I threw all their clothes at the washer. Cleaned all over. Checked her room and Rion's and ugh! What a mess! Rion just keeps making me smile for me not to get mad at him. I taught him how to fix his bed properly.

Lisa stopped me but I just didn't respond to her and I continued cleaning.

My son can't stop hugging me. He's really a sweet guy. I am excited that he'll come with me to Korea and so he can learn the culture too.

After we ate, Lisa and I talked again how we're going to handle the situation. Knowing her, she's really good when it comes to this. But I don't understand what's happening to her now. She's so nervous.

"Relax. You said before that he wants Sam for you, right? Don't worry. I will help you so he'll understand. For sure, he'll be happy for you. Rion will respect your decision. You raised him so well, Lis. I will help him understand. " I said. Pretending I'm okay. I should have taken my medicines this morning.

Ri is playing mobile games when his Dada called him. We all settled at the living area and he's wondering why Lisa and I are so serious.

"Ri, are you excited? Korea is a nice place. You'll also meet your Aunt Rosé and Aunt Jisoo too. Promise me, you won't give mom a headache okay?" Lisa told him and he nodded and keeps talking that he already researched about the place and he hopes to catch the cherry blossoms.

"Ri, we're going to tell you something. Always remember that whatever happens, Mom and Dada love you so much. More than anything or anyone else in the world. Okay?" I said. Ri's eyes got confused but he still nodded.

"Uhm. Rion, I-- this doesn't mean that I'm leaving you. Okay? Uhm. You're going to Korea because I want you and Mom to get to know each other more." Lisa told him. Lisa's hand is sweating.

We waited for her to continue speaking.

"Go on. I'm here." I rubbed her back as she's running out of breath.

"Ri, your aunt Sam and I are getting married soon. Maybe next year when you come back." She said.

Ouch.

"I hope you understand my decision, son. And I know that you want aunt Sam for me too, right?" Lisa said and her tears fell.

Rion stood up calmly.

"Are you two fooling me? Why is it that when the three of us are together, you're giving me hopes? You're showing me that there's a chance that you'll get back together again. Dada, I know how you feel. I have been there with you all along when Mom was not around. I have witnessed some nights, Mom was crying in her bed too because of you. I know what's happening. You may see me as your young child, but I have my own mind.

I know you struggled, Da. I know you've waited for Mom to come back. And when she came, I thought it's what you've always wanted. I thought you always wanted us to be complete.

Why are you hurting me? You shouldn't have let mom feel that you're still in love with her when you really don't. Why did you give me expectations that you and Mom have a chance?

I love Aunt Sam too, Da. Please if this is just going to hurt her, you better think twice. I know you never loved her the way you loved Mom. Please. Aunt Sam doesn't deserve to get hurt.

I am sorry, but I think I need to go to my room. I need to have my peace. I am sorry Mom, Dada. I am just feeling this heavy pain in my heart right now. I expected. I know, it's my fault to expect. You're grown ups now. You better know what you're both doing." My son sobbed in tears as he ran to his room.

I comforted Lisa as she is shaking. Trembling. I took a glass of warm water and gave it to her.

"Let's talk to him? Tell me what to do. I don't know how to handle our son on this situation as much as you do." I asked Lisa.

"Just hug him tight until he cups your face and kiss your nose. Go. You're the one he needs right now. I am really sorry, Jen." She said and my tears fell.

"I want you to really really be happy. I love you." I told her and walked to Rion's room. Crying. Wiped my tears for I don't want my son to see that I am hurting. Now that I know how observant he is.

I took a deep breath and lay next to my son.

I hugged him so tight and he cried more.

I just let his tears fall down. What's important is I am here beside him. After a while, Lisa was right, Rion faced me and cupped my face and give me a kiss on the nose.

"Son, we're very sorry. Especially me, I am so sorry. Your Dada has no fault. It's me. If there's someone you'll get mad to, that's me. I am sorry for this life. We understand if you're feeling this way now and it's okay.

Ri, as you grow up, we promise that we will not let you feel incomplete. I know your dada very well and I know she loves you so much. Our family might not be the same as the normal ones, but I assure you, we will love you more. So what if your Dada and I are not together? You have us all to yourself." I explained to him and he cried more. I just rubbed his back until he stopped.

"Promise, Mom?" He said.

"No promises, son. We will just do it. We love you." I said and he hugged me tight.

He told me to stand up for us to be back at the living area. Lisa is still there sitting. She looked at us with worries in her eyes.

My heart melted when Rion ran to her and he hugged her tight.

"I am sorry. I was selfish." He told her.

"No. Your feelings matter, son. It's okay. You don't have to apologize. Mom and I want you to speak your mind always. Always remember that we're here to listen to you okay?" Lisa is really superb in raising a child! I should not let her down.

We spent the whole afternoon watching films, talking to each other. Rion asks questions to me about Lisa and I when we were younger. I know this strategy. He's trying to bring back our feelings. Maybe to change Lisa's mind. But I also sense that this is his way to accept the things that's happening around him slowly. No pressure, son. We're always here to guide you.

"I promise that one day you will only not be proud of me as your son. You will be proud of who I will become. Someday, I will build a family of my own and I will raise my kids the way you raised me. I will love my wife and make sure we're balanced. I don't want my kids someday to be in this situation like I do have right now. It hurts. But yes, I will eventually accept this. Thank you Mom and Dada for the love. I really appreciate the two of you. And I will always choose you to be my parents." He said out of nowhere.

Lisa and I just looked at each other. Holding back our tears.

Night came and Lisa brought us to the airport. It's the first time that Rion will be away from his Dada for a long time. But he also wants to spend time with me. I also want to get to know my son because I know to myself that I can be a better mother.

It was too emotional. I did not let Lisa hug me anymore. I just smiled at her but our eyes couldn't get away from each other as Rion and I took care of our luggage in the airport.

You can do this, Jen. You can do this. You know in your heart that everything is out of your control.

Just let Lisa be happy. She deserves it.