JUST IN TIME (Author's Reco)

TRY AGAIN

JENNIE

I had a sleepless night yesterday. Thinking of what happened in my office.

As much as I want to hug Rion and take him in my arms. I don't know what happened that I denied his longing.

There's something inside me that is so hard to pull. The fear. I don't have a strong heart like others have. I am scared.

What if Lisa realizes one day that I am not the woman she can be proud of? What if she'll cheat on me because just being a housewife will make my body change its shape?
What if we'll just keep fighting because I have dreams to pursue and all she wants is to have me in her life?

What if people curses me knowing I'm in a relationship with an intersex? I am the woman of Chanel and I can't take risking our image now just for love. I want to feel powerful in my own ways and not just a shadow of anyone.

My thoughts are killing me. Here they are again inside my head. It's too painful.
I want to cry. Like I want to throw stuff right now because of having this heavy heart.
My head is aching while my chest is beating so loud. I could not even make my signature in proper curve as I sign some papers inside my office.

"Jen."Jisoo. Coming in my office with Rosé and Rion.

My son stretches his arms again and wants to come to me. Crying. Oh, god. I am sorry. I am sorry, Ri.

"Unnie, I have a meeting in a while. Why are you here?"I said after I composed myself as if nothing's bothering me inside.

"Jen, what's happening to you? What the fuck is this? Your son wants to feel you."
My sister's voice is cracking. Her eyes are controlling her tears not to fall.

Ri is crying. The same cry yesterday. No voice. His tears could not stop falling.
God. This is so painful. What if I'll just tell Lisa to leave Rion to me.

"Why don't you talk to Lisa? Maybe you can fix things? Jennie, you have a son with her. What came to your mind and left them in London just like that?"Jisoo is actually scolding me now but she's trying to compose herself.

"Unnie, Rosé, I am not ready for this. I can't-- I can't be with Lisa. I need my own time for myself. You want me to go back to London and what? Just be a housewife? Wait for her at night? Cook her food. Take care of the baby and do it again the next day? Jisoo, I want to become someone. "I said and wiped my tears immediately. Jisoo sarcastically laughed.

"Jennie, this is your son we're talking about. Your blood and flesh. You should have thought about that before you entered this life. I am so disappointed of you."Jisoo said and walked out after he gave Rion to Rosé.

Rosé rubbed Rion's back to calm him. She wiped her tears too and walked towards the door.

God. This is so painful. My son is still looking at me while his lips curved stopping himself to let a cry out. He's even mumbling calling me 'Mama'. Oh, god. Lord, I am so sorry. Ri, I am so sorry!

"You underestimated Lisa. She would never make you feel being a prisoner in her life.
Jen,Lisa loves you so much. You're just not giving her a chance.Lisa would never trap you. I really hope one day you'll make up your mind of what you really want inlife. Can I ask a favor?Never ever play with Lisa's feelings ever again. Goodbye, Jen."Rosé said as she looks down before she finally left my office. She was crying.

I was left alone inside. Screaming. Crying. I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I want to make decisions of my own. Do you think this is not hard for me? If you all just know what I have inside my heart and my mind.

I am in a very dark place.

LISA

Jisoo and Rosé took Rion from our hotel this morning. They said they'll spend time with him and try to visit Jennie again. Me, I went to my parents' house. I am so desperate. I don't care anymore if I am not continuing my dream job in London. I want to be with Jennie. I will try to ask support from my parents. I'll accept the reality that I was born to handle their businesses even if it won't make me happy.

Maybe it's for the best. I don't know. Come what may.

When I got off the cab, our security opened the gate immediately when he found me. He greeted me and looked so happy that I am back. When I entered the house, I asked our helper if Kingston is around but she said he's at school.

I walked to our dining area and my parents are having their early lunch. They just looked at me coldly as I am looking down. Did not even invite me to eat nor have a seat.
What's new?

"Dad, Mom, I--"I am trembling.

"If you're thinking that I am going to give you a chance to come back here or handle my businesses, you're wrong. You may leave."My lovely father said in his normal voice. This is the scenario always; they would butt in without me finishing my sentence.

Fuck. I think, I regret coming here.

"Dad, please give me a chance. Please? I am sorry. I am really sorry for everything."God. Why am I even apologizing? I did not do anything wrong. My tears are flowing.

"We don't need you here anymore, Lisa. If only I knew I wouldn't benefit from you, I shouldn't have sent you to school.You know what shame you brought to me during the Business Club event? Everyone was expecting me to announce that my intelligent child here is taking over but where were you?

You went with your pride to London. You escaped for your personal intentions and shallow dreams and for love. Now, where did that love lead you?She left you right?
How many times I told you before that she would never be in love with someone like you.
But you never listened.Go!We don't need you here."Why can't they just forget the past and give me a chance?

My pain brought me down and I just found myself kneeling and begging to my father to give me a chance. But he is so cold and he looks like he doesn't care at all. While me, I look like a trash.

Ignored. Slapped with harsh words. Pride has no longer room in me. I am sobbing already as I beg. I want to stay. I want to be with Jennie. I want us to be complete as a family with our son.

"You may go now."That's his final words.

I move backward but still kneeling on the floor and crying, looking at nowhere. Then someone held my shoulders and guided me to stand up.

"Let's go."Rosé.

She went here with Jisoo to pick me up. I took my son from Jisoo and introduced him to my parents.

"This-- this is Rion. My-- my son. My son with-- with Jennie. I am so sad that at a young age, he also experienced to be rejected by his own mother.I know I will never make you proud of me in the ways you wanted. But one thing is for sure.I will make my son proud of me because I won't ever turn my back to him whatever happens. Goodbye. Take care of yourselves here."And I left the house with Jisoo and Rosé.

I witnessed how my parents' eyes softened when they saw my son. They even stood up and about to come near to Rion but their tongues were blocking them to speak.

I decided to book the earliest flight when Jisoo and Rosé told me what happened at Jennie's office earlier.

There's no chance anymore. Painful. Too painful. But I could not let myself be buried in this sorrow knowing that I have a son.

We're leaving. We're going back to London. Just me and you Ri.