Y/N's POV **3 days later (funeral)**
The past 3 days we've all cried, slept, and talked about Shawn. We talked about all of our memories with him and we watched videos of him singing on YouTube. Seeing him is what hurt the most. Because I can watch those videos and look at the pictures with his arm around me and him singing "never be alone" but no matter how hard I try, he will never wake up again. His family flew in yesterday. Aliyah told me that he would FaceTime her and talk about me, "he really did love you" she said crying. I cried too. Not because I doubted it, but because he did love me and It will be years until I see him again. He honestly is the best friend anyone could ever ask for. Whenever I miss him I do what he told me to, I watch the video of him "singing never be alone". The thing that makes me feel secure when I listen to that song is that he did mean the lyrics. He meant every word. Whenever I hear him sing "take a piece of my heart so when we are apart you'll never be alone" I think of how I do have a piece of him, his lungs, it's not as sweet and romantic but it's something and it makes me feel safe. It makes me feel like he's still with me, he's still looking down on me, he always will be because he loves me. Having all of the guys there helped. Honestly they were all as sad as I was so there was no one there to comfort you. Matt helped me, because he knew that no matter how hard it hurt him, it hurt me just as much. Matt and I talked about him and we would watch the video he made for me the day he died. We would watch it because it made us feel better. When he told me to marry Matt in that video, even if we were sobbing we both smiled because he really does care. He is the most carding guy I ever had the pleasure to meet and say I loved. I will always remember him. I will always watch those videos of him singing to me and the videos of him talking to me. Because just hearing his voice makes me so happy, even when it reminds me of how much I miss him. Today, was the funeral. It was in a big, big church. There were 2 sides of the church and a path down the middle. His family sat on the right side on the front row and all of the guys and I sat on the left side on the front row because all of us were speaking at the funeral. It was open casket. I didn't want to walk to the front of the church and just stand there looking at him. I went up beside the casket and immediately started crying. I started talking quietly so no one would hear me, "Shawn," I said crying. I took a picture of the 2 of us hugging with all of the guys out of my pocket. I placed it in his pocket. "Shawn,........I love you.....and since I have part of you with me always.......I.....I want you to have part of me with you forever.....so.....so..so that...." Matt came up crying and put his arm around me. "So that....you'll....you'll never be alone....because I'm always with you and we're all always with you....and I promise that....that I'll see you again. I want you to come to my wedding whenever that is....and I want you to walk me down the aisle because I know you'll be there......I want you to know....that I do wish you were still here and if it had to be someone it should of been me.....but I still love you.... I really do....and I always will.....because nothing can break love...even death can't do it.....because we are all stronger than that......I'm still gonna talk to you......I'm gonna visit you and talk to you every day......and even if I can't hear you respond...I don't care...because I know your there and i know what your saying. I love you so much and I love the letter and I love all of the videos. I won't watch the videos for special occasions until it's time. And thank you for being in my life because you will always be in my life and I know that I'll see you again and when I do.....the only thing that will have changed is you'll be able to say "I love you" back and I'll be able to hear you." I said now sobbing. "Do you want to talk to him alone?"
I asked Matt. "Yeah, babe, thanks" he said wiping tears. I walked over to the seats reserved for the guys and I. The only person there was Jack Gilinsky. I went and sat beside him for a second. He was looking at his phone. "It's a video of him and I singing "I'm yours" at the beach" he said crying. I cried to. "Cameron took it, he sent it to me so I could have it" he said. "Can you send it to me" I asked. "Yeah" he said crying. I hugged him and stood up. Matt was still at the casket. I looked around and spotted Hayes and the same time he spotted me. I just needed a hug. Be both began walking towards each other. We were both crying. He hugged me. "I needed a hug" he said. "I did to" I told him. We walked over by Gilinsky and sat down in front of the casket. "Do any of the fans of anyone know" I asked Hayes. "No, I think his Mom is going to explain on the news" he said. "I don't want this to be one of those things where I take over his Twitter and Instagram or anything. I want to leave it with whatever he had there forever." I said. "Yeah" Hayes said. After a couple more minutes, everyone found there seats.
