You completed me. (Sequel to You saved me.)

Chapter Eleven

Beca:

I woke up in the middle of the night. The grief was eating me alive. I sat up in bed and rubbed my face with my hands. I was feeling everything at once. The sadness, the despair, the emptiness... I couldn't handle myself right now. I tried to suppress the tears that were threatening to fall again. I got out of bed and moments later I found myself holding the door handle to the guest bedroom. I hesitated. My mind was telling me not to do this, but he lost the battle against my heart. I opened the door and tip-toed to the bed. I stopped in front of it and looked at Chloe, who was peacefully sleeping. She was facing the door, the skin around her eyes red and puffy like she had been crying. When I realized what I was doing, I turned around to leave and almost had a heart attack when I heard Chloe's voice.

"Get in." She said quietly, I turned around again and saw her lifting the duvet with one hand, moving herself further to the middle of the bed so I could get in in front of her. I got in facing her, my head placed against her chest. Once I was comfortable, I closed my eyes again, sighing in content. Chloe kissed the top of my head and I drifted to sleep again.

The next morning, I woke up in Chloe's arms in the same position I had fallen asleep in. I breathed in her scent, enjoying the warmth of her body next to mine for a while. Chloe was still sleeping and my head was going into overdrive. I got out of bed, carefully so I wouldn't wake her, and trotted into my studio. I needed to get this grief out of my body and the best way to do it was music. Once I was sitting in the chair in my studio, I opened my songbook and let the words flow out of my head and onto the paper. Two hours later I had finished writing the lyrics and putting together the arrangement. I got up and entered the booth to record it.

I felt this song from the bottom of my heart and I was singing from the top of my lungs, when Chloe entered the studio, watching me through the window of the booth. When I was done singing and came out of the booth, Chloe trapped me in one of her when-I-hug-you-you-forget-everything hugs. While we were hugging I could feel her wiping away a few tears.

"This was absolutely beautiful. Beca, this is a masterpiece." She said once we had parted. "Your mom would've loved it." That was the sentence that opened the gates again. Tears streaming down my face, I tried to suppress my sobs as best as I could. Why did I have to be so weak? She wasn't even gone 24 hours yet, but having the certainty that she would never come back was excruciating.

"Oh, Becs. Come here." Chloe said, wiping away some of my tears with her thumb, pulling me in for another hug. I couldn't carry my own bodyweight anymore and sank to the floor still tangled up in Chloe's arms, sobbing into her shoulder. We sat on the floor in my studio for what felt like hours. Chloe was gently swaying from side to side, just holding me until I had no more tears left to cry.

"I can't thank you enough for this, Chlo. I feel awful for dropping my grieving self onto you like that." I sighed audibly. I really didn't want to burden her with handling me in this state of mind. Especially after we had broken up.

"Shh, Becs. No more words. There is nowhe-" Chloe hadn't finished the last sentence when I felt sick. I quickly got up and ran to the bathroom. I barely managed to open the lid of the toilet before throwing up. I don't know how long I had been in there, it must've have been a while, when there was a knock on the door.

"Beca, is everything okay in there?" Her voice was laced with worry.

"I'm oka-" I couldn't finish before I threw up again. After, I leaned against the toilet and took some deep breaths. I felt horrible.

"Becs, I'm coming in. I'm really worried." At least she warned me before coming in, I thought. Not that I could've done much to stop her. She opened the door and walked up to me and sat down next to me. She was holding my hair and rubbed my back soothingly while I was throwing up for the third time. After my body had gotten rid of all that was left in my stomach, I slowly got up, brushed my teeth and went to bed. Chloe tucked me in and left, only to return with a cup of tea and some medication.

"I brought some pills to help with the nausea. Where did that come from?" She questioned while setting down the cup of tea on my nightstand.

"I don't know. Maybe I ate something bad yesterday. The snacks in the hospital vending machines aren't exactly star-rated meals." I tried to joke.

"They're hardly a meal at all." Chloe replied dryly. "Try to get some more sleep." She said while walking towards the door.

"Can you stay here?" I asked hesitantly.

"Beca... we can't keep doing this."

"Keep doing what?"

"This. Us cuddling. You, asking me to stay in your bed with you. I can't do this." Her voice cracked at the end. "I understand that you're grieving, but I can't keep doing this."

"Why not?"

"Are you really that stupid, Beca?!" She raised her voice and it sounded slightly angry. "Because I still love you!"

She stormed out of the room and I was left in shock, unable to move. I let my head fall onto the pillow and let it sink in. She still loved me. I still loved her too. I had never stopped loving her. At some point, while thinking, I drifted to sleep. A nightmare woke me up again after an hour. I needed to get out of bed. I got up, hopped into the shower and put on some comfortable clothes after. I thought about how Chloe had stormed out before while walking down the stairs to find something to eat.

To my surprise, I saw Chloe standing on my balcony. She had put on her coat and was just standing there, her arms crossed in front of her. She had left the door open, a cold wind hitting my body when I entered the kitchen. I didn't know how to talk to her or what to say, so I decided to just make myself a sandwich. I stole glances at her while making my sandwich, not paying attention to what I was cutting with the knife. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my finger.

"Ouch. Shit!" I had cut myself. I grabbed a kitchen towel and wrapped it around my finger. The cutting board was covered in drops of blood and a blood stain formed on the kitchen towel. I was desperately trying to find a band-aid when I heard Chloe's voice behind me.

"Oh god, Beca. What did you do now?" She sounded amused but still worried.

"I cut my finger while making a sandwich." I told her, continuing to search for a band-aid. "Dammit. Where did I put them?" I mumbled to myself. Why couldn't I remember where I put my things, ever? From the corner of my eye, I saw Chloe walking to the one drawer I hadn't looked into, pulling out the band-aids.

"Are you looking for these?" She asked holding the package up in front of her chest.

"Yes." I said while nodding. Chloe came over to me, taking my injured hand to inspect it.

"Let me see." She said and carefully removed the kitchen towel. The bleeding had stopped, but my finger was covered in drops of dried blood. "It doesn't look too deep, but we still have to clean it before putting the band-aid on."

She jogged up the stairs and returned a few moments later with a bottle of rubbing alcohol and some cotton pads in her hands. I was still standing in the kitchen, frozen to the spot. Chloe let some of the liquid from the bottle drip onto a cotton pad and took my hand in hers again. In a slow and careful motion, she moved the cotton pad over the cut on my finger. I sucked in the air through my teeth, a sharp pain penetrating my finger. After cleaning the cut and the skin around it, she put a band-aid on. I looked at my hand the whole time, afraid to face her and the unspoken truth about us still loving each other. When I finally looked up, Chloe was looking at me. We didn't say anything, we just looked into each other's eyes.

"I should go..." Chloe was walking towards the elevator. I didn't want her to go, but I also didn't know how to stop her. I opened my mouth to say something and then closed it again a few times. I must've looked incredibly stupid. Before I found the right words, Chloe was gone.