Road Back to Love

Chapter 2

ERIN'S POV

I rode the elevator up to the 16th floor and stepped into literal hell, or at least it was mine. I never imagined a world without Jay, but I never thought I would have to. I've also never been a thousand miles away from Hank before and that alone makes me uneasy for me but for him too. 

"Agent Lindsay" I heard as I passed the receptionist. That makes two nice people here. The rest either don't know who I am or don't care to ask. Honestly I don't care, I only want to do the job and be the best at it. I guess maybe I should stop with the vodka coffee's...but not today.

We had been working a case, multiple bombs in a federal building linked to terrorism, but had hit a dead end. We were sent home and would start fresh in the morning, as I was leaving Adams invited me to the bar down the street to grab a drink. "Sure, I'll meet you there after I change." I smiled and accepted her invite. I was a little happy to make a friend here.

Kelsey and I have more in common than I thought. We're both going through relationship hardships, hers a little different as her boyfriend cheated on her. She was cool and down to earth. She wasn't snobby like the others, maybe because of her southern roots. I shared a few details about Chicago but not enough to let her see who I am. "I can tell you're hurting, you must really miss Chicago" She surprised me by saying this, I wasn't aware it was that obvious. "I can't tell if I miss Chicago, or just the people I left behind. But ya I am." I grabbed the bartender to pour us some shots and changed the subject but she wasn't oblivious. 

I woke up in my bed, but have no idea how I got here. Honestly I don't remember much of anything. "Ouch" I thought when I tried to sit up, my head was pounding. I made some coffee and threw on clothes for work. I stood at the kitchen counter starring at the alcohol knowing I was playing with fire. I feel like I'm drowning and maybe that's my life vest. I totally knew it wasn't but I had no other option, and if I think about Jay I might lose it. So I took the bottle, poured and stirred.

JAY'S POV

It's been 6 weeks and she hasn't come home. I thought she would change her mind and come back but I guess I hurt her that bad. I know Voight said she has no choice but everyone has a choice! I can't think, I can't eat, I can't sleep, and now I can't leave this house. I'm no good to Voight.

"I won't make it in today, sorry Sarge." I texted Voight and then threw my phone out of sight.

I went to the store and grabbed enough beer to last me, that was the only thing I was in the mood for. First I looked through our old pictures and then watched her favorite movies. Somewhere between Dirty Dancing and Pitch Perfect, and my 5th beer I got upset. Mad at her for leaving me instead of trying to work it out. Mad for not asking me to go with her. Mad at myself for not telling her about the ring. Mad at myself for not opening up more and telling her how I feel or what I was going through. Mad I kept my past about Anna from her. Just plain mad. 

There was a knock on the door and I assumed it was Will, but I was very wrong. "Sarge, what, what are you doing here?"

"Well you don't look sick to me, maybe drunk but healthy as a horse."

"Uhh ya sorry, I just couldn't do it today. I wa-"

"Halstead! You need to get it together. She's gone. Maybe being in this apartment isn't good for you? I need you 100% so have your meltdown but then get back to 21"

"Get out." Voight left without another word. Who does he think he is? I grabbed my coat and walked up the street to Molly's. More beer, and unfortunately whiskey shots. 

I was drunk last night. I must of walked home and passed out in the middle of my bed. I looked at my phone, 8:02am and was painfully late. I threw clothes on and grabbed my stuff but as I went to call Voight I felt like I hit a brick wall. Missed call: Voight (2) Outgoing calls: Erin <3 (2) My heart sank into my stomach and I wasn't sure if it was attached to my body any longer. "What did I do? What did I say? Did I talk to her?" First call was 20 seconds which means she didn't answer, second call was 1min 3seconds.

I jumped in the truck and threw on the lights to the district. I know that is frowned upon but so is your boss killing you. I was doing us both a favor. As I walked towards the door I checked my text messages. "I miss you...so much. It's killing me not to talk to you. So can you call me back? I'm so sorry Er. You'll never know how sorry I truly am." There was no reply from her and I was slowly losing hope. 

"Oh Chuckles, nice of you to join us! Good luck up there, he's not happy." I nodded and ran to buzz myself up. "Ya ok thanks Trudy."

"Halstead, you're late! My office now!" I rolled my eyes, put my stuff down, and went to get my ass chewed out. 

"What's the deal? You look like you've been out all night and you smell like a brewery. You're already late, you could've at least done us the favor and showered. Is this all about you and Erin or is something else going on? I mean, I know how special she is but you can't live like this Jay!" Voight continued to tear into me until I couldn't take it anymore.

"She's gone because of me!! If I had just told her about Abby in the beginning then all of this drama would have never happened. She wouldn't have been stressed that day and maybe she would've handled the case better. That's on me so let me deal with it how I want!" I dropped my head and had more to say but didn't want to freak Voight out.

"Sarge, I want to know how she's doing. I know how I'm doing and it's not good. We all know Erin can go down dark roads and I need to know that she is okay. I reached out to her last night but didn't hear back. I have a bad feeling."

"I'll get in touch with her Jay, but you need to promise me that you'll get it together. You're a good cop and self destruction doesn't look good on you. I know I'm hard on you but I want the best for you."

/ HV-Hank       OB- Olivia     E- Erin        J- Jay     

HV- "Hey Liv, have you heard from Erin? I tried calling her but I got her voicemail and she always answers my calls. I hope she's not mad at me for not checking in, you know how it is."

OB- "We need to talk, Hank. I'll call you in a few."