A Life Worth Living (an Edward and Severus friendship fanfic)

Chapter 4- Guilt

Author’s note: Hi guys! Welcome back to A Life Worth Living :)

I have been overseas the last couple of weeks, but thankfully managed to finish this chapter for you :D Sadly there will be a wait for the next instalment of ‘Leave Me’, but I hope to have it done this week before I return to work (ie. Within the next week).

I hope you enjoy this chapter; I enjoyed writing it and taking a trip through Edward’s psyche this time ;)

Finally, I wanted to mention that I have changed a portion of chapter 2 so it matched aspects of this chapter (and canon, in fact). Don’t worry there is no need for you to read the changes as I have summarised them below:

Originally when the Cullens were driving towards the airport (and Spinner’s End) they communicated via phones. However, I realised (just now- slow right?) that as vampires they would be able to hear each other talking from within either car. Now, the chapter reads so they communicate without the assistance of a phone. It is so strange I never realised this before, but anyway, the change is made now and will be carried through the story from here on :)

Anyway, enough of my rambling; please enjoy the chapter and don’t forget to vote and share your thoughts with me! :D

‘A Life Worth Living’

Chapter 4- Guilt

Edward’s POV

            I was grateful it was late on a Tuesday night when we left Spinner’s End; it was easier to drive at dangerously high speeds (for a human) when the roads were deserted. When the Volvo’s wheels touched the highway, I pushed the car to well beyond the speed limit; we had half an hour to complete what was normally an hour trip to the airport.

            Although Carlisle was easily able to keep up with me, he did so reluctantly; my father was concerned whether I should even be driving.

“I feel fine, Carlisle,” I spoke to him in a conversational tone knowing he would be able to hear me.

Are you sure, Son? My father asked through his thoughts, his concern evident in his tone. I am sure Jasper would willingly drive for you so you can take a moment to process the night’s events.

“I can drive if you wish,” Jasper offered from my left, unaware of the perfect timing of his suggestion. I could feel my brother’s dark gold eyes staring intensely at me, his thoughts filled with concern for my well-being.

“No thank you,” I said politely to my brother, and indirectly, Carlisle.

I felt perfectly fine. In fact, driving prevented me from over-analysing the conversation I just had with the young wizard. If I were persuaded to swap roles with Jasper, my mind would then have free reign to examine the role I just played in that boy’s life. If I were permitted to consider how I left him close to tears, how I trapped him in between a guilt-ridden afterlife or an agonising existence, and ultimately destroyed any chance he had of being at peace, my own emotions would likely affect Jasper and his driving ability. Therefore, it was best that I continue to drive for everyone’s safety.

“Very well, but be careful, Edward; we do not need to drive at quite this speed,” Carlisle said calmly so the rest of our family could hear his warning.

I looked at the speedometer and realised I had been gradually increasing speed since Carlisle gently questioned my capacity to drive in my present state. I could not decide whether this indicated I was losing control of my senses or because I wanted to escape Spinner’s End as soon as possible. It was likely a combination of both, but I was not in a suitable physical or mental state to examine my psyche any further. Nevertheless, I released the accelerator slightly to show my father I was in control of my actions- that my mind was not lost in the night’s events as he had feared.