save [joshler]

apology

Joshua's pov

Month 13

So Tyler overheard me say to Debs that I took him on a date, and he was a little off put by it. He said if I wanted to take him on a date then I should've just asked him straight up instead of beating around that bush. I told him it was Debby who called it a date, which it was, the word date did not leave my mouth when I first told her about it, and I had just planned a friend dinner thing. I didn't look at it as a date. 

Then he got offended. He asked if he wasn't good enough for me to take him on a date, said I'm just fucking with him and that he doesn't really mean shit to me. To which I said he's just trying to start a fight, and that none of what he said is true. So he asked, more so said in a question tone, if I was calling him a liar. So I said something I shouldn't have and it's been two weeks since he's said a single thing to me. 

Hm? What's up? Oh, what did I say? Well, about that...

And before you go and tell me I was out of line, and that I was a dick for saying this, I know. I know what I did, or what I said, was wrong, I know. Okay, be prepared.

I told him he was acting like Brendon. 

I know! I know okay, I fucking know. That's like, one of the worst things I could say to him. But you can't tell me I'm wrong! I get it okay? He was in an abusive, manipulative relationship for like, seven years. I know he must of learned something from Brendon, or at least had it drilled into his head and he just thinks that it's okay to do it. Not that he thinks it's okay to manipulate and gaslight people, but it's basically all he knows. And I don't... blame him for it. I just said it on the spot and I feel fucking horrible for it. 

I've tried apologizing, I've tried giving him flowers and trying to make it up but he just leaves and I'm left alone with my stupidity. I don't fucking know what to do man. 

"Hello Jim, is your dad home?" I hear someone, no, that's Tyler, say in the living room. 

Jim's padded paws against the hardwood floor is echoed throughout the empty house and soon enough, his muzzle is pushing my door open. I swing my legs over the side of my bed before hopping down to pet him. 

"Hello, hi baby, hi, I know, I know." I said in a baby voice as Jim spun in circles, letting my play with him. 

It takes me a second to notice Tyler standing awkwardly in the hallway. I clear my throat and stand up, opening my door a little more to see him fully. 

"H-hi." I say. 

He scoffs and rolls his eyes. "Stop doing that." He says. 

"Doing what?" 

"Acting like that. Like one thing you say could make me explode. You do it every time I get angry or upset." 

"I just don't to upset you even more." 

He sighs and shakes his head. "Can we go talk? Please?" 

"Yeah, of course." 

He walks away, back out to the living room and I push past Jim to follow him. We both sit on the couch and he clears his throat before speaking again. 

"First, I want to apologize for not speaking to you for a long time. What you said... it just caught me off guard. And I wasn't not speaking to you because I was angry at you, I was mad at myself. For letting me do what I did. For doing to you what he did to me. I want to make this clear right now, if you ever catch me doing something like that again, please tell me." 

He paused to look at me and a small smile found his lips. "I wont get mad at you, and I wont go two weeks without speaking to you again, I promise. And no, I will not just be counting on you to fix and correct my shit. I have been starting to notice, keep track of, and correct myself when I find myself being like him again. I will not be just letting it go like I have been, and if I slip up and I somehow don't seem to notice, just tell me and I'll thank you and that'll be the end of it." 

I nod and lean back in the couch. "Okay. I'm sorry for saying you act like him sometimes. I was flustered and-"

"No, you don't apologize. I was wrong, and I see that. You did nothing wrong, and I appreciate you telling me. I'm sorry for how I reacted to it." 

I nod and smile at him. "So you're gonna talk to me again?" 

He smiles and laughs. "Yes, I'm gonna talk to you again." 

"Yay!" 

He shakes his head and looks down at the ground. "I really am sorry, Joshua. I don't... I don't want to be like him, and I don't want to treat you the way he treated me. I don't want to get comfortable with it." 

"Tyler, if I'm being honest here, I've only caught you doing it like, five times in our whole friendship. You don't act like him, and you don't make me feel the way he made you. You're still my bestest friend in the whole wide world." 

He looks back at me with a smile. "I thought Debby was your bestest friend?" 

"Pshhhh, nah. I love Debby, but I dunno, I'd only do half the shit for her that I would for you." 

His smile grows wider and he lunges himself on me, giving me a bear-hug. "I love you, Joshua." 

Smiling from ear to ear, I hug him back even tighter. "I love you too, Tyler."