Shielding You From Sorrow♡

Special Chapter

Jennie Ruby Jane Kim

Sometimes, ignoring is the best way to pretend that you're not affected from the things that really hurt you.

Lalisa didn't hurt me. I was the one who hurts her. I was the one who puts her in pain, I was the one who put her love in vain. I hurted her yet I was the one who ignored her.

And it sucks. It sucks regretting all those damn decisions.It sucks living in this kind of society. A society that don't support loving same genders. It's sucks. Everything sucks.

I don't know how to continue my life without her by my side.

She was my strength.

My medicine.

My rainbow.

My savior.

My everything.

She was there for me when everytime I needed someone. She was there for me to lean on. She gave me her shoulders for me to cry on. She was there to east my anxiety. She make me calm when everytime I have panick attack. She was there but why did I choose him?

I know I'm being ridiculous but I don't love Kai the way I love her.

I just don't want to hurt Kai cause he is a good man.

In order for not letting Kai to be hurt I needed to hurt her.

And I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for letting the society decide for me. I'm sorry for being coward. I'm sorry for following the wrong path and someday I am wishing, that in the end, you'll be there. I am hoping that you'll take me to the right path. I am hoping lalisa.

I didn't know what happened to us. To me. But little did I know that I am hallucinating things since the day that she went for me in Korea.

I wasn't in my real self since that day.

And until now I am busy figuring it out. Why did I do such thing. Why did I end up like that. I didn't know. Everything is just a dream for me.

It feels like I'm not in my good mind.

I didn't know how I end up in him.

It's like a damn code. A code that I need to decipher to find the clues.

I am just like that in my daily life before. There's the time I am fine and aware at my surroundings and there's also the time that I don't and can't remember things.

My unfathomable self lasts about a month. And all I just remembered is that when she decided to leave us. All I just know is that I am getting married with him.

But why does I am fine now? Why now that she's already gone, away from us? I can't do anything anymore but to accept things.

Accept that I am here suffering while she's trying the process of healing.

When I miss her, I read our old conversations, smile like an idiot, I listen to songs that remind me about her, then miss her even more.

This what life want me to be and I can't do anything but to agree.

If reincarnation do exist. I hope that I am reincarnated in my next life for me to fulfill my promises and for us to continue our untold story.

Life is like about rapping, we need to do it continuously but remember to breathe for us to deliver the words clearly.

This is KIM JENNIE
Once her most expensive RUBY
A once she called MY NINI
TILL OUR NEXT ECLIPSE MY LILI.

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