Second to None

19. cold war

Mayu sat back and inhaled deeply, but all that entered her throat was dampness. At first she thought it was the humidity of early summer. A second later, it occurred to her that they were tears. Where they had come from, she had no clue.

Tezuka held her hand and grasped her fingers firmly. When she met his eyes, she noticed that she'd never seen him so distraught in their years together.

"I'm really, truly sorry. I should've done my research. I should've warned you. I never wanted to hurt and disappoint you like this."

When he reached out and wiped away her tears, she didn't brush him off again. He then took out a handkerchief and she accepted it.

"I know. I get it now," she said, wiping the corner of her eyes. "To be honest, I was finished with blaming you for quite some time. I spent longer being mad at myself rather than you. How could I have omitted research before I upped and left my old job? How could I have abandoned what I worked for without a plan B? I'm furious with myself for this oversight. I don't like where I'm going because of where I've been, what I've worked for. Do you understand?"

"I do," he said. "It's a mistake, Mayu. Everyone makes mistakes."

"It's a tremendous mistake."

"You're not facing it alone: we'll fix it together. I'm sure."

In his eyes, she saw a spark of certainty that wasn't meant to be false comfort. She remembered that same look of resolution when emotions were heightened at the tennis courts and anxiety ate up his team. Tezuka was the type of man to provide solace and reassurance, she knew then, and time had only reinforced his strength.

Standing up from the bench, she took his hand. "Let's give it our best," she said, and let him take her home.

***

Following Tezuka's advice, Mayu mailed in her application to be a foreign languages teacher at the Aomachi Academy a block down from the tennis association. After some research, she discovered that Aomachi was a privileged elementary school that prepared children for the top secondary and post-secondary schools in the country. In other words, this was the first step of a series to becoming an elite. Starting from first grade, a school day was from eight to four, consisting of eight classes in arts, mathematics, social studies and languages. When Mayu saw the sample schedule, she couldn't help but feel sorry for these kids bound to grow up in a pressure cooker.

A phone call came a day later to invite her to an interview. After multiple rejections, Mayu was wary of in-person meetings. Yet five minutes in, she had a hunch that the panel had already internally decided to hire her and the interview was only a matter of procedures.

True to her predictions, she received a job offer the next day. Though her salary was slightly lower than her previous role in the Parliament, her workload had significantly lessened.

That night, Tezuka offered to take Mayu out to a fancy French restaurant in Roppongi even though she didn't see it as a celebratory occasion. As a quiet melody played in the background and platters of delicately laid out food arrived in succession, however, she began to feel relaxed for the first time in months. Suddenly, she was glad to have come and broken out of this fog of unhappiness. The future no longer felt entirely out of sight.

Both now working full-time, Mayu and Tezuka started a new routine. In the morning, they got dressed and had breakfast together. After a train ride to the Meiji Jingu Stadium station, they parted ways, with Tezuka heading straight to the association and Mayu taking a fifteen-minute walk towards the academy.

At Aomachi, she taught Japanese, English, French and social studies, and had a maximum of five classes a day. In her spare periods, Mayu polished her syllabus, prepared for the next class or marked that day's quizzes. 

Unlike many other sectors in Japan, education rarely required extra hours and Mayu got off at four-thirty sharp each day. With Tezuka working until six or seven, she shopped for ingredients and cooked dinner. Occasionally, they'd go out to see a movie or take long walks around the neighbourhood. For the most part, they stayed in.

A few weeks into her new role, Mayu started meeting student parents and got a grasp of the policy landscape in the jurisdictional and regional government. Many were intrigued by her background and unique experiences, some mothers even inviting her out for tea or dinner. These women, having grown up in well-off families, were sophisticated and intelligent. Mayu enjoyed conversations about world affairs, literature and social issues, yet she always felt a certain distance. 

These wealthy women could talk to her, she realized, but something about their tone of voice and demeanor made it clear that she was not—and would never be—a part of them.

On days when Mayu had free time and no other engagements, she walked the block down to visit Tezuka at the association. They'd have lunch in the café nearby or take a stroll around the Meiji Jingu garden. Once in a while, Tezuka would take Mayu to see the national team's practice matches or exchange tournaments with international players. 

She appreciated him for including her in these events even though she knew visiting him at work wasn't technically appropriate. Even though Mayu had a full schedule and was making the right moves towards her future here, she was lonely, feeling more cut out of this life than ever.