~ Chapter 12 Part 1 ~

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~ CHAPTER 12~

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MONDAY MORNING

12 AM

I sign and rub my eyes, looking down at Violet who is in her baby sling, strapped to my body. I'm looking over my college notes. Finals are in a week and I am stressed. The word stress is an understatement though. I feel so unprepared. I never understood how hard it was to be a mother. Now I barely shower, let alone study. My life is crazy nuts and I am surprised I make it through most days, they are so busy.

I see what kind of life Jax has, and my brother has. My brother comes home every holiday or event with some cool story of what they got up to, and most of the time I am alright, but nights like these, when I am stressed and tired, I wish it was different.

What I didn't realise is that I needed to give myself the time to mourn the loss of the life that I envisioned for myself.

So I fuss over my notes and sift through my cue cards. I cross off what else I need to do before that's on my checklist, and I knock Scarlett over her head, she's flicking through tik tok.

"Hey," she says and she looks up at me

"Stop getting distracted" I direct

"Mummy's bossy," she says to Violet and she lets out a snore in response

"I'm going to sleep Scar, I am exhausted" I reply and she smiles at me and nods

I carefully take Violet out of the sling and place her beside me, she doesn't move and is still content in her slumber. I put her in the baby bassinet, and I take a huge gulp of the water beside Scarlett's bedside table.

"Your welcome" she calls out and I throw a pillow at her which she dodges

"Night Scar," I say "Goodnight" I hear her call back

I pull off my sweater, and I look over at Violet and she is sleeping safely. I climb under the covers of my comforter and I close my eyes, falling into a deep slumber.

2 AM

Violet's small cry jolts me awake, and my eyes flutter open instantly. I move to sit up and I roll over to her baby bassinet, but Scarlett is already leaning in picking her up to console her. I look around the room and it's pitch black, except for the small corner which is our desk space, where a small lamp is on a glimmer of light shining.

"I'll get her," Scarlett says

"It's okay Scar" I reply and I move to sit up

"I said I can get her, where is her bottle," she asks and I sigh

"I pumped last night, there is a couple filed in the fridge," I say and she nods

I lay back down and I hear her and Violet walk down the stairs. I also hear rustling which is Scarlett making the baby bottle, before I hear her trudge up the stairs, where she softly opens the door.

"We got to be quiet baby, mummies still asleep," she says and I snicker

"Oops, she awake" she then says and Violet whines "Oh really Vi," she says before Scarlett slides into the bed next to me.

She sits Violet upright and begins to feed her

"What are you still doing?" I ask her

"I still have so much homework to do, you?"

"Can't sleep now she's awake" I say and she nods at me, I lay back down and I focus on the small white noise sounds that are playing, closing my eyes.

4 AM

I hear Violet whimper beside me, so I roll over and pick her up. I grab a fresh diaper and wipes and turn on the baby light next to me so I can see what I am doing.

I change her nappy and feed her quickly, nursing her back to sleep, which I then lay her back down where she softly snores, and I turn off the light laying down again, closing my eyes.

Violet wakes up to be fed every 2 hours, which is a lot of times a night and exhausting, but we manage. Scarlett and I take turns looking after her, so does my family, which is a great help.

6 AM

My alarm goes off and it wakes me up for the 3rd time today. I roll over and Scarlett groans

"Turn it off," she says and I nod turning the phone off

"Morning" I mumble and I sit up, Violet is unharmed and I swear this girl can sleep through any and everything.

"Too early" Scarlett replies and I chuckle

I force my eyes open, and I look around the room, and I guess I didn't notice how messy we were last night. Violet's baby cady which keeps all the things we use during the night has been torn apart, which I guess I did earlier this morning. There are papers all over our desks, dirty washing piled in a corner, and dishes piling. We both try our best to keep this room clean but it gets messy so fast. I swear to God, I tidy in here all the time.

I creep through the room dodging all of the mess, and I walk into the bathroom where I wash my face and shake my can of dry shampoo before I try to run it through my hair. I swear this stuff is a lifesaver.

I brush my teeth and head back into the room where the snooze is going off and Scarlett is searching for the phone with her eyes closed.

This time Violet wakes up and I tend to her whilst I watch Scarlett stumble through the room.

8 AM

"Morning mum," I say when my mum walks into the kitchen. I am preparing lunch for myself and Scarlett, as well as waiting for the kettle to boil.

"Good Morning Tori, my beautiful granddaughter," she says scooping her up

"Busy day?" I ask her and she nods

"Always busy" she replies before the rest of my brothers and Scarlett pile in for breakfast. I hurry what I am doing before I drop Scarlett at school and make my way over to the Shepherd residence. I wait in the car for Jane, so I can avoid Jax especially after that night at dinner, and I drive to a little cafe so we can get something to eat.

10 AM

"Good morning Hol," I say walking past the reception desk, Holly is always the first one here

"Hey girl," she says and I smile, she greets Jane and we catch a ride up the elevator to Jane's office

I brief Jane, and get our day started before Violet is hungry again, I feed her and make my way down to get progress checks from the staff for Jane.

I answer a few phone calls and file some files before I take a break and have a mid-morning snack. I am so grateful for my job, and my boss.

After I eat, I walk down to see Holly and talk to her before Jane summons me for a board meeting, where Holly takes Violet. I really am lucky to have such good friends.

12 PM

"Lunchtime!" I hear Jane call out and I smile and walk into her office

"Hello dear, did you hear?" she asks giggling at her rhyme "it's lunchtime!"

"Yes, and I am starving," I say dramatically and she laughs at me

"Where's my precious girl?"

"With Holly," I say and she nods

"What do you feel like eating?" she asks and I laugh, Jane knows I bring lunch every day but she always asks what I want. Whatever she gets she will share with me. It's funny because she always says so she can remain a beautiful and fit glammie, but I think it's so she knows I am eating consistently, I sometimes forget to eat real food during the day, other than a snack or a drink, I guess that's what it's like being a mum, with a full-time job, whilst going to school.

"Whatever you want," I say and she smiles

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