Stupid To Fall For You ~ Harry Styles ~

042

"No! Why-why didn't you tell me about any of this?! Why did you keep it all a secret?!" He shouts back, his eyes red and his lips a deep shade of pink.

"There's nothing to tell about it!" I shout, my chest feeling heavy and my heart thumping rapidly in my chest. 

"What do you mean nothing Vada?! 'It was a really nice Christmas, not that I really have anything to compare it too, but it's definitely better than having to sneak out of my window so I wouldn't be hit that day.'" He shouts back, using my own words against me. 

"It's not important, ok?" I shout once again, my voice cracking at the end of my sentence and my eyes starting to sting. No, I will not cry.

"It seems pretty important to me, so tell me what you meant when you said 'And right now, I really want to escape my life. But I don't know if I ever want to come back to it.'" He shouts, a tear rolling down his cheeks. 

I shake my head and run my hands over my face before letting them rest in my hair, pulling at my roots. 

"I can't Harry!" I tell him, back to my whisper. 

"Yes, you can." He persist gently. "I can't because then that's the end for me! That's me falling apart!" I shout, sniffling as I take a step back. 

"Just tell me, nothing will change." He presses again. I sigh and throw my hands in the air. 

"My father used to hit me, ok? And my mother would let it happen and no one would try to help me! No one cares! So I didn't tell anyone and kept getting beat by my father until I was 17 years old! Now can we stop talking about this?!" I shout back, feeling drained and back to my empty state when Harry looks at me.

"We can't just drop it, Vada. Why didn't you tell me anything?" He says, his jaw clenched as he talks normally now.

"I didn't tell anyone about it Harry." I reply flatly, not daring to move my eyes away from his as I subconsciously fidget with my fingers.

"Fair enough. But why did you write the letters instead of telling me how you felt?" He whispers now that he's so close to me, holding up my notebook near his head. 

"Look at the end of my very first letter again and you'll understand why." I whisper back, briefly glancing at the notebook before meeting his eyes again. 

He furrows his eyebrows but regardlessly does what I told him. He nods and sniffles after reading what I told him to, another tear rolling down his cheek. The stinging in my eyes returns but I try my best to ignore it. 

"If you heard me tell you that I think I love you more than 2 weeks ago, why didn't you tell me?" He asks, his voice cracking once again. 

"Cause you said you think you love me so I thought if I ignored it, it would go away." I reply honestly. 

"What if I told you I loved you right now? What would you do?" He asks, making me freeze and hesitantly shrug my shoulders. 

"Are you saying that?" I ask. 

"What if I asked you to describe all those things I make you feel with one word, what would that word be?" He asks, not answering my question. 

"It wouldn't be love if that's what your expecting." I reply, staring into his emerald green eyes. 

"Why not?" He asks. 

"Because don't you think I should know what love feels like before I say it to somebody?" I ask him, furrowing my eyebrows as a frown takes over my appearance and I face reality. 

No one has loved me before. 

"Hate to break it to you Vada, but I have been in love with you since I asked you to come on this tour with me. You know what love feels like, your just scared to admit it. But I won't make you." He whispers, putting the notebook down on the bed before walking to the other side of it and sitting on the edge of it.