Drarry One-shots *TW* lots of angst

Desperate

AN* HEAVY TW FOR SH AND BLOOD. (like frfr it was hella triggering)

More, more, more.

Shut up, shut up, shut up.

You know you'll feel better if you do Draco, pick up a blade.

Draco's brain was going at 200 miles per hour and he couldn't get it to slow down. He had been broken up with, he deserved it but it still opened him up to too many risks. Main one being his ex-girlfriend found out he was gay and only dating her to cover that up. He had loved her, he had loved her a lot but not in the way she wanted. He knew how petty and vengeful she was and he knew exactly what she was going to do when she got a chance. Pansy was going to tell the whole school he was gay. He knew how his friends felt about all that and he was going to lose everyone he ever cared for.

I'm going to lose everyone.

Draco knew what would ground him, dragging a sharp silver blade through the pale skin of his arm, hip, thigh, or sides. He knew everyone who was rooting for him would be let down but then again they were all going to leave him so there was no guilt to be had. Love had and always will be conditional for him. If he wasn't perfect, love was out of the question.

He let the thoughts he had been suppressing fill his mind as he climbed the stairs to the astronomy tower. Step after step his brain showed him images of fresh blood, open skin, pink new scars. He sat on the edge of the tower letting his feet dangle while letting the bars support his chest. He sat in silence for a few moments letting the crisp mid-November air chill his limbs. He then drew 19 red angry dripping lines on his arms, one for each time he had kissed a boy while he was with Pansy and one for each year he was alive. He then let the blood drip and pool in the crevices of his hands and form a small reddish pool on the shingles of the roof below.  The red trails were beautiful to Draco to others he was sure they appeared gruesome but they were calming to Draco. What was not calming was the sound of footsteps coming up the stone steps. Draco had nowhere to hide so he just sat. "Malfoy?"

"Shit."

Harry fucking Potter, had caught him of all people it had to be Potter. Frankly Draco didn't care that he had been caught, he cared that the boy he had been in love with for years had been the one to catch him. "Malfoy?" Harry's voice had hit a bit of a panic tone.

"What Potter?" Draco said without moving.

He still could feel the steady drip of the blood off his hands. Draco heard Harry gasp quietly. "You're bleeding."

"Thank you for pointing out the obvious, Potter."

Harry knelt next to him, Draco had to resist the urge to lean into the warmth radiating from Harry. "Did you do that to yourself?" When Draco didn't answer Harry spoke up again. "That's a lot of blood Draco." Draco felt the heat of tears springing to his eyes. Damnit. "Give me your arm." Harry commanded, still speaking gently. Draco turned his head and moved his arm so Harry could see it. Draco was too focused on keeping the cursed tears at bay to hear Harry whispering summoning spells. "Draco, what happened?"

"What does it look like happened, Harry?"

"Not what I meant, I mean why are you doing this."

"I don't know, maybe it was the abuse, the rape, the trauma, the death who fucking knows."

Draco was snapping; he could feel it within himself, the small amount of control he had slipping quickly.

Harry sat back almost shocked but inside he wasn't surprised. Harry stayed quiet for a moment while he wiped blood away. Draco could no longer hold the tears back as the beauty of the situation hit him. The open skin was beautiful, the drips of blood were beautiful, the bloody handprint Harry had left on his upper arm was beautiful, most of all Harry was beautiful. The just risen moonlight glinting off his face was angelic, the focus in his eyes was beautiful, he was beautiful. Draco tried to focus on Harry to stop himself from crying but that failed when he realized Harry was also crying, tears ran down his face dripping onto Draco's hand. It was then that Harry looked up. He let Draco's arm fall back to his side and reached forward to hug him. Everything finally snapped at that moment. They clung to each other like they were the last people alive. It was probably close to an hour before both boys let go.