24/7 DREAMER

[1] Who Are You?

Ashyna

~Oh now, holding this pain
Like the day I abandoned everything
It grows more painful every day
Endlessly in front of my eyes, deja vu

Far away through the dense fog
The far path I departed on only left hurtful marks
Even as I try to grasp the ends of the dream
Eventually, longer and longer
I fall asleep in a deep silence~

I TURNED off my phone's alarm as I woke up from a recurring dream. That dream again. I've been dreaming about it for three consecutive days already, if I'm not mistaken. I don't know if it means something. It's just unusual for me to dream about someone unknown. Hindi naman kasi ganito ang mga panaginip ko noon.

***

Today is the 7th of July, we're having a family reunion on my father's side here in our house. Just like the previous years, I'm always alone sitting at the corner. I was reading a book far from them, I can't concentrate because of their noises.

I closed the book that I was reading when two guys showed up in front of me. I narrowed my eyes trying to recognize who they are. I don't know them, and I don't think they are my relatives.

The smiling guy waved his hands at me, but the other one was just looking at me directly in the eyes. I felt my heart fluttered when our eyes met for a second. I quickly looked away because of embarrassment.

"Hi, would you mind if he asks for your name?" the smiling guy asked me. "Nahihiya kasi siyang magtanong."

I don't know how to react on this kind of situation. I'm not that friendly, but I want to avoid being rude either lalo na nandito si Daddy.

"I'm Ashyna Medina,"I said, extending my hands to them.

The other guy was still looking at me, but he immediately reached his hands when the smiling guy tapped his shoulder. I felt something on my stomach while holding his hands. I don't know what is it, but I kind of love it.

"I'm -"

For the third time, nagising akong hindi nalalaman ang pangalan niya. I'm dying to know his name already. Not only that, the friend he was with was kinda familiar to me as well. The serious and the smiling guy, I felt a strong connection with the former one. I think that's the reason why I keep seeing him in my dreams.

Hindi ko na naaalala ang itsura niya tuwing nagigising ako. I can only see a tall man's figure, but I can't recognize his face. It's like he suddenly became faceless.

I reached for my phone at my bedside table and wrote what I dreamed about on my dream journal. I rarely remember my dreams when I wake up, so I always write it when I can still remember some bits of it.

The time on my phone say its pass 1pm in the afternoon already. I still want to sleep hoping that my dream will continue, but I know it wouldn't.

For almost 16 years, dreaming has become my life. It's the only way I can think of, to escape my reality. I can forget my problems, and I can't feel pain while I'm sleeping.

Sa panaginip lang kasi ako nakararamdam ng mga emosyon kasalungat sa reyalidad ko.

I'd rather sleep 24/7 than to face the world, where everything and everyone makes me feel anxious.

I'm just actually going along in this river called life.

Sadly, I'm living alone in this big house. I don't have my parents with me here. They were separated when I was 8 years old. They already had their new families now. Mom is living with her new husband, while Dad is at France, managing his car business with his wife.