Train Wreck

thirty seven

"No," we said at the same time before locking eyes and laughing.

"I could never do a white bedroom," Remington stated firmly.

I nodded, "Exactly! It's so..."

"Cold."

The word sunk in and I nodded again, echoing his word. "Cold. Yeah, it feels like some kind of model house.  Not a home."

"I like when a bedroom is more... like..." he started to flip through another and I noticed his dark eyes glimmer as Remington found another, "This... this is what I'd want."

The pages showed a stunning light gray wall color with another dark wood four poster bed, but this time the en suite included navy and rich chocolate brown as accents along with gold. There was a television over a fireplace with an entire couch and chair setup as well, making this bedroom much larger than living room and kitchen in my house, but I smiled up at him anyway.

"It feels so homey. Like you could curl up in bed and just sleep during a thunderstorm."

"Yes! Exactly!" Remi's eyes lit up as he flipped the page and let out a soft gasp.

A nursery.

The room was pale blue with forest green accents and a woodland creature theme. I cooed at the sight of a stuffed raccoon and bird in the crib while a larger teddy bear rested in a rocking chair nearby.  A gold railed crib was settled in the corner, plaid sheets on the mattress with plaid accents throughout the room as well.

Like a hunter's cabin, but for a baby.

"I think I'd like the gliding rocking chairs like this. It's like how the chairs in the hospital were and those were really comfortable." I tested the waters a bit with my comment and pointed to the chair, smiling at Remington as he stared down at the page.

He was frozen.

Whether it was shock or horror or fear or excitement, I had no idea.

A moment passed before I slid my hand over his and took the brochure away, tucking it into my purse. Remington let out a long breath and I noticed the corners of his lips turn up.

"Want to share something with the class, Mr. Lowe?" I asked with one eyebrow quirked.

He looked away a moment, mind clearly racing, as I slid my hand to his wrist and tried to help him calm down.  The nursery triggered him somehow and I wanted to show Remi that it was okay.

We don't have to discuss this now.  We haven't discussed children at all.  I'm only 22 so while I would love a family one day, I am in no rush.  There is plenty of time to just enjoy life and see what happens.  I'd rather wait awhile anyway, especially since everything is so busy now anyway.

Remington let out a shaky breath, returning his focus to me.  "Do you want kids?"

"I believe that's a decision I would need to make with my partner eventually.  I also firmly believe that choosing your family means more so I am in no rush and would rather focus on building a strong relationship with the right man.  Then we as a team can discuss everything and decide together."  I made sure to keep my tone calm and even, speaking slowly as his shoulders loosened and posture relaxed while I spoke.

"Thank you.  That's... that's amazing.  Just thank you."

I tilted my head, curiosity taking over a moment.  "Did something happen, Remi?"

He paused a moment but nodded, "Dana always insisted she wanted kids instantly.  I even caught her poking holes in condoms once which is when I ended things finally with her.  It was a really bad situation so ... I mean..." I noticed a flash of fear in his eyes as Remington scrambled and spoke faster, "I know you're nothing like her, but I guess I wanted to make sure you didn't have any expectations or whatever."