𝑷𝑨𝑺𝑺𝑰𝑶𝑵

☀︎︎𝑭𝑶𝑹𝑻𝒀 𝑭𝑶𝑼𝑹☀︎︎

"We just finna find the nigga that shot Mani instead of me." He admitted. "He gon kill me or Shawn when he gets the chance, so we gotta find him first."

I believed him but not fully, "Be careful." I paused. "Is it just him going with you?"

Savior sighed and sat back down next to me. This was gonna consist of him trying to assure me that he would never leave me and yada yada yada...

"Gee, Ion get why you don't believe me. I've been good. I've been here everyday doing what I'm supposed to be doing as a boyfriend and a father. I'm just going out to do this, so that y'all don't have to worry about nothing happening to me, ight?"

"I get it. I'm just making sure you doing what you say you are."

"Really, Jia? I explained to you mad times that I cut off the girl from the bar. I talked to your mama and I realize what I did was fucked up. You gotta stop holding this against me every chance you get." He was speaking like he was tryna beg me or sum.

"I got a right to question you. I didn't know where you were for almost a week, Savior! You left me here by myself with a new born, knowing that I wasn't good at mothering! I'm not tryna hold shit against you! I'm tryna keep my own sanity!"

"Baby, calm down. I ain't attacking you. I'm just letting you know that you worrying about nothing. I'm never doing no shit like that again."

I was still upset. He kept telling me that I shouldn't be worrying, that I should just let it go. But, that's how I was before. I wasn't worried about him leaving me while I was pregnant, because I thought he was better than that. I wasn't worried about him cheating on me because I thought he was better than that.

"Ion care anymore. Just go do what you gotta do, Savior. Tell Rashawn I say hi." I picked Samari back up.

"Ight, now Ion wanna go cause you feel some type of way about it." He began to follow me upstairs.

"No, just go. You said that you need to and I told you I get it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

I could tell that he knew I was fed up with this conversation.

"Okay, baby. I'll see you later." Savior gave me a kiss on the cheek.

I was relieved that he left. I wasn't entirely sure if he was being honest with me, but I had to listen to what doc was telling me. I was gonna parent my son even if Savior wasn't here.

I tried this new thing I saw on youtube where I could
wrap Samari to me in the front. It was convenient for both of us.

I always took the time to realize how grateful I was to have my son when I was with him. I never could truly understand what my mama meant before about the connection between a mother and child.

But, just because the connection was there, didn't mean that mother was prepared for the child.

Me and Samari laid down for a bit while I watched  my show. Doc told me that I needed to treat myself, so I needed to get back into this art show.

Watching this show gave me a taste of how carefree my life was before giving birth. I wanted to get back into my art more than anything. I hadn't done much of anything in weeks.