𝑷𝑨𝑺𝑺𝑰𝑶𝑵

☀︎︎𝑭𝑶𝑹𝑻𝒀☀︎︎

"𝑻𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝑴𝒂𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒆"
MAJIA | jia
MAY
Atlanta 📍
"Just let mommy put your clothes on MyMy." I unzipped a grey onesie.

Samari hated when we combed his hair or put on his clothes. He was always trying to move around, even though he was barely a month old.

I got on his clothes after only a few minutes of struggling. To keep him calm, we usually swaddled him after we put on his clothes.

"Savior! Bring up a bottle!" I yelled when I got into our room.

It was around the time MyMy got sleepy and cranky. I wanted him to go to sleep on a full stomach, because I was barely getting sleep myself.

"You want me to feed him?" Sav came into the room.

"It's okay. I can do it."

Savior got into bed and I knew where he wanted to sit. He liked to sit with me between his legs as I held Samari because he wanted to spend time with both of us.

"He can't keep his eyes off you, Savior. His daddy his favorite," I played.

"Yea, that's my best friend. He just be giving you a hard time cause he know you gon put up wit it."

"Not too much on my baby."

"He getting tired. You ready for bed Mari?"

Mari was dozing off and wasn't even drinking his milk anymore. So, I began rocking him to put him to sleep faster. If I could get just one night of good sleep, I'd be good. I handed him to Sav so he could put him in his crib across the room.

When he got back into bed, I got on top of him to lay on his chest.

"You okay, baby?" He asked me in concern.

"No."

"What's wrong?" He rubbed my back.

"Being a parent is so hard."

"I know, baby. I know, but we in this together. It's gon get better. We new parents. You gotta give yourself a chance to get the hang of it."

"Okay." I said, still discouraged.

It seemed like he was doing so much better than me. He could keep Mari calm. He could immediately tell when he was hungry. He could even get Samari to be still when he was putting his clothes on.

I could barely do any of that. It was hard for me to keep Samari calm. It was hard for me to realize why he was crying right away. And, it was hard for me to even put his clothes on.

I always found myself questioning why I was so bad at being a mother. I loved my baby and I would do anything for him, but it was feeling like like I should've known how to be better. I should've known how to mother a child.

All I could do was try to get some rest.

____

Crying was what woke me up. I didn't bother checking the time because I knew it was the middle of the night.

I got up and picked up Mari out his crib.

"Shhh," I paced around the rule with him. "What's wrong, papa?"