Do We Let Go?

29| Like A Date?

Lust rushes, but love waits. 

- Bridgett Devoue

Once I got home, I quickly texted Andrea and Mira that I was back and they'd better hurry coming to my place. While I waited for them, I went into my room and changed back into my comfort clothes; a hoodie and sweatpants. 

All the while, I had a stupid smile on my lips. I was over the moon. I'd just felt like it will be a girl, and it was! As a teenager who dreamed about living the perfect life, I'd always pictured me having a girl first.

Oh, well, not a perfect life, but a girl!

In my truly happy state, I forgot my baby wasn't a keeper, literally, and before I could ponder over the negative aspects of this journey, Andrea had arrived.

"Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!" She squealed at me. 

I chuckled at her enthusiasm but shook my head. "Nah, let's wait for Mira too."

"Whaaat?!" She pouted, feigning a dramatic hit to her heart before slumping down on the sofa like a sack of potatoes. I entertained myself with her antics, although I too was unable to sit patiently until Mira came. 

We waited for twenty minutes more before she arrived, causing both Andy and I to take sighs of relief. I didn't think I could've held the exciting news in for much longer, or Andrea could've held onto her patience for much longer, either.

"Oh my god finally!" Andrea groaned, getting up.

Mira ignored her and faced me. "Okay, what is it?"

I grinned, taking both of their faces in, feeling the excitement in me rise again. "Okay, so...before Dr. James told us, I guessed it, you know, just for fun."

"I bet you guessed it to be a girl!" Andrea said.

I nodded slowly. "Yes I did." I hoped they'll catch up soon with the way I was grinning at them, but they kept looking at me so I rolled my eyes. "Yes! It's a girl, guys! I'm having a daughter!"

I jumped, squealing, as they did too, and we all came together for a group hug.

"Oh my god I'm so happy for you!" Andrea shrieked, clapping her hands. "Oh my, Zara! You're gonna have a daughter!" She pulled me a hug again, peals of laughter escaping my mouth as she swept me off of my feet.

Mira, on the other hand, already looked a little too baby-struck to me. 

"Oh, sweet Jesus, she'll be so damn cute! I mean, the genes she's getting? No doubt, man."

Andrea nodded solemnly. "Absolutely none."

As they continued gushing, growing more and more excited, my smile started to dim. 

"Yeah, she's gonna be a heartbreaker, I just know it."

"Heyy, don't go that far ahead. Just imagining her in a little crib is sending me in an overdrive. I mean, I'm gonna be the cool aunt--"

I folded my hands over my chest and interrupted her quite rudely. "Yeah, except that you won't."

I didn't even realize that I was breathing harshly, my nails digging into the skin of my palms. Both of them looked me at me in surprise, understanding dawning on them a little too late, giving way for guilt.

"Except that I won't know if she's a heartbreaker. Except that I wont--I won't see her in a crib! Except that I won't get to me a Mom, okay? I'm just the--" I choked on a mirthless laugh, "the--'birth mother' who she might even hate if god forbid she gets to know that she's adopted. So yeah."