Do We Let Go?

26| Last Hope II

Maybe I can't stop the downpour, but I will always join you for a walk in the rain.

"I even tried to hurt myself."

This admission of Zara scared the living daylights out of Zach. Till now, he'd been just listening to her, because when a person talks about something so traumatic, you listen. You make them feel heard.

It wasn't really about him, it was about her, but Zach couldn't stop the words that came out of his mouth next, "Oh, my god. Zara, you didn't." His words were one of denial and disbelief.

He didn't want to sound disappointed or bummed out by this revelation of her, because right then, anything could've hurt her.

As a result, Zara couldn't look up to meet his eyes. She nodded her head, confirming it once again. "I did. I tried to hurt myself."

On instinct, Zach's eyes strayed to Zara's wrists and then ran up along the length of both of her arms to see for any visible scars. Zara noticed this and cracked a hollow smile.

His cheeks burned at being caught doing such a thing.

Shaking her head, Zara shrugged. "I tried. I tried really hard because the depression was getting to me, you know? For a few dark days... I was like, what's the point? What's the point of living? I felt like I had no one. So I tried to...to hurt myself. I thought..." she shuddered.

"I thought that the physical pain would distract me from the emotional one, but I couldn't. I couldn't do that to myself."

She closed her eyes and shuddered again as if the remainder of the memory was haunting her. Gently, Zach took her cold, sweaty hands into his warm and comforting ones, entwining their fingers together so that hers stop shaking.

He felt a sense of relief that she had never gone down that road. Because self-harm is a very suicidal road and coming back from it is nothing less of hell either. He didn't want her to feel any sort of pain.

"I was trying to, you know, one day...when Travis caught me." For the first time ever since she started talking to him about her past, a real smile took over her face. Zach felt some weird sensation in his stomach.

"I was drowning during that time, Zach, and he was like a breath of fresh air. He became my anchor. When he found me in my dorm room, sobbing, trying hard to just cut myself...he was gentle with me. After he'd gingerly taken the blade out of my hand, he enveloped me in a tight hug and let me cry."

"He wasn't angry or disappointed. He was just there for me. He let me cry and get it all out of my system before he washed up my face and asked me if I wanted to take a nap. He had a big test the next day, so I thought he would be gone by the time I would wake up, but he was right there. Right there for me."

Zara adjusted in her seat, such that she could meet his eyes. Zach realized she was ready to meet his eyes now because this topic was something she was proud of bringing up. She was proud of Travis. It was clear in her eyes.

"And he was right there every time I woke up screaming after a horrible nightmare. Andy would be with me, we shared a dorm, so he used to sit outside my dorm room, waiting for when my screaming would stop or if I was comfortable in his presence so that he could come in. There were many nights, Zach, countless of them, when he lost his sleep for me. He would only go back to his dorm down the hall when he knew I was fine."

A small smile flickered up Zach's lips too. "He sounds like a great man," he murmured.

"Perfect." She whispered back immediately, as if great wouldn't cover it, only perfect would.

Zach felt a weird sensation at her answer, it was like his stomach lurched sharply in its place. He couldn't explain it.

"Do you still love him?" He wanted to slap himself the second he blurted that out. With bated breath, he waited for her to say something.