Their Wife

Twenty-Nine

He definitely deserved that reward, and he was going to get it.

Setting the tablet on the table, I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him down so I could reach his lips. My lips were harsh and fast on his gently and soft ones. I was rushing. I had to do what I planned to before I could talk myself out of it.

Pulling away, I grabbed his shirt in my hands and used it to make his back up against the table. Once he was in place, I reached on my toes to place a kiss on his collar bone before dropping to my knees and reaching for his belt buckle.

I had just pulled the belt strap out of the pin when his hands halted mine. My eyes shot up to meet his heated green eyes.

"What are you doing?" His voice sounded deeper.

I licked my lips. "Thanking you."

The heat in his eyes flared. His hands tightened on mine slightly before his eyes hardened and he pulled me to his feet.

"No."

My brows furrowed in confusion and a deepening pain formed in my chest.

Didn't he want me? I thought he did.

He must have seen the devastation on my face. His eyes and face softened and he pulled me into his arms and pressed his lips to my forehead.

"Not like this," he said, his lips moving against my skin. "I don't want you to do anything because you feel you owe me." He pulled back to look me in the eyes. I could see deepening concern form in his eyes along with something I couldn't recognize. "I want it to happen because you want it to." He cupped my neck on with side with his hands and rubbed his thumbs across my cheeks. "Not to thank me."

I nervously chewed on my lip and looked at his chest, avoiding eye contact.  It should have made my heart flutter that he was so caring and considerable, but it didn't. Even with his words, the sting of rejection remained.

I wasn't normal.

It was moments like these that made it so crystal clear.

He had ruined me.

Because I wanted Ezra to take it. Although I loved his caring and gentle self, it wasn't the kind of love and care I was accustomed to and knew. I wanted Ezra to want me. To own me. To possess me completely. I wanted to be his.

Because if someone truly wanted me, they would do what they had to have me, right?

I was a sick, twisted, freak.

His fingers gently traced over my eyebrow. I didn't realize I was furrowing them as my thoughts raced until he smoothed the crease between them with his thumb. 

"Nea," he started as he grabbed my hand and rubbed circles on the back with his thumb. It was barely noticeable, but something seemed... off with the way his voice sounded. "I just realized I don't know much about you."

I stiffened.

His thumb stopped. He grabbed my hand and led me towards the armchair, grabbing the tablet from the table on the way. Taking a seat, he pulled me onto his lap and situated me so we could both see the screen.

"There's only a little bit left," he said grabbing a pen off the side table. "Let's work on it together."

It was clearly an effort to undo what he had just done. It would be stupid to think he didn't notice my reaction. Who else suggests working on restoring one image with one stylus at the same time? But I didn't point it out. No, I rested my head on Ezra's shoulder as he began making small and precise lines to fill in small lost parts of the ripped edges before filling them with the matching colours. It was calming to watch. I could feel the tension that had built between us melt away with the minutes.