You're a Mind Fuck, Babe

Chapter 61: Baby, Can You See Through The Tears

"Oh, no you didn't," I reply sarcastically before dipping my hand into some sludgy green paint and throwing a handful of it at Gerard. He laughs and shakes his head, wiping the paint from his forehead. I grab the rest of the paint and prepare myself for war. He throws a glob at me and it hits my arm as I cover my face. I retaliate immediately, getting some in his hair. I start laughing as the next handful of paint hits my neck and slides down underneath my shirt. I keep throwing paint as fast as I can until the container is empty and I'm left defenseless.

"Truce! Truce!" I shout, a smile still on my painted face.

"Fine," Gerard replies, feigning disappointment. I put the empty container down and go to take a peak at the painting he had been working on. Before I even so much as catch a glimpse, he turns it away.

"All you need to know for now is that no excess paint got on it," he informs me and I shrug.

"Wanna make some cyan?" I say, hinting to the green on Gerard and the blue on myself. Gerard laughs and dips his fingers into the red paint before smearing it across my face.

"Looks like I just made magenta," he remarks, a smirk on his painted green lips.

"I thought we called truce," I say, scowling at him.

"Whoever said war was fair." He chuckles and brings his hand to my cheek.

His thumb touches my lips, gently smearing the red paint around. He tugs on my lip, pulling it down slightly, his eyes are locked with mine before he glances down at my lips for a millisecond. His mouth collides with mine, the paint sliding from my lips onto his. I close my eyes as he pushes me down onto the table, his arm underneath my back. I wrap my legs around his waist and his hands slide up under my shirt, gently gliding across my skin, giving me goosebumps and tainting my skin with paint. His lips move down my skin, nipping slightly and making me moan softly. I can feel the warmth of his hands on my waist as his grip tightens gently, spreading paint all over my torso. His fingers fumble to the hem of my pants before roughly tugging them down. His hand runs down my hips and rests on my thighs, digging into my skin slightly. The warmth of his palms is replaced with cool air as he takes himself out of his pants. His lips tilt out of reach and I bite my lip in wait. I feel him slowly push into me and I moan. I close my eyes and arch my back as he rocks his hips in and out of me. His fingers press deeper into my skin with each thrust. He groans as he leans down closer, breathing into my neck, making my hair stand on edge at the feeling of warmth. He presses his lips to my neck gently, touching his nose to my skin. His mouth opens and he moans into the curve of my neck. I tilt my head back, letting the pleasure course through me as he moves. His hand jumps from my thigh to the table beside my head as he rolls his hips in slowly and groans loudly as he comes. He pulls out and descends to his knees in front of me. His tongue touches the base of my cock before licking up to the tip and he takes me in his mouth. I open my eyes and watch his head bob up and down on my cock. I groan as he places his hand on my thigh. I bite down on my lip hard as I buck my hips, pushing myself further into his mouth until I feel the back of his throat. He moans softly as I come in his mouth. He swallows and stands up before pulling his pants to his hips. He runs his hand through his sweat and paint covered hair before heading to the bathroom. When he comes back, he's washed the paint from his face and hands but he keeps his stained shirt on. I get off the table and pull my pants back up.

Gerard faces his painting towards the wall, hiding it completely from me.

"I need to get more paint now, you should clean up so I can continue the painting as you were before. Don't look at it. Promise me you won't," he demands of me, I nod and promise him. He throws his coat on and leaves. The door slams closed behind him and I can hear the echo of his footsteps as he departs. I turn to the now empty and dirty room. Did he leave just so I'd have to clean this? Whatever. I grab a rag and get down on my hands and knees to start wiping off the paint. I start smearing the paint all over the floor before it starts to come off and the rag is already filthy after just cleaning one spot. This could take awhile.

-

I finish cleaning up all the paint and I stretch my back. Gerard should be home by now. I shake my head, thinking that he's probably just caught in traffic or something. He wanted me clean so I might as well go bathe.

I turn the tap on, letting the tub fill with hot water before taking my clothes off and looking at myself in the dirty mirror. I see kisses of colour tracing my skin and fingerprints left behind by Gerard's filthy hands. I slowly dipping myself into the burning water. I start to scratch at the dried paint on my skin, watching it flake off and melt in the water, turning it into a pale shade of teal before the red makes its way into the dance, creating a diluted violet. I run the soap over my skin, the bubbles staying behind. When my skin looks untainted, I dunk my head into the pastel coloured water. I run my fingers through my hair beneath the water's surface, feeling the strands of short hair like seaweed tickling your fingers in a lake. When I emerge from the water, the cool air hits my face like a swift punch before I pour some shampoo into my hair. I wipe off the layer of paint and sweat that coats my hair and rinse. It's funny how such simple acts like washing your hair or your skin can make you feel so much more alive and so much less robotic.

I lay in the steamy water, feeling the heat sink through the layers of skin covering my bones. Solitude's metronome ticking in my head as the second hand moves forward. Tick, tock, tick, tock. I close my eyes and watch the light dance around as my eyes adjust to the dark behind my eyelids. I'm alone now. For what seems like the first time in forever, there's nobody in the room next to me or anybody to watch me. I'm completely and utterly alone and I really don't mind. I can finally hear the silence and breathe freely. The solitude wraps itself around me like a warm blanket that I used to know so well but haven't felt in so long. The ring on my finger seems to weigh my entire being down but I don't mind. It reminds me of what has happened and who I am now. What I've done doesn't seem to matter. I know Gerard might come at any moment but this peace and tranquility is my only companion for now. I dunk my head beneath the water, feeling the heat rise over my eyes and into my nose. The water begs for entrance into my mouth but its sealed shut. The water tickles my skin and dances through my hair as it buries me. I sit up in the water, having it slosh around and take a deep breath. I rest my arms on the cold porcelain and open my eyes. The room is still the same though the air seems stale. I can feel my heart beat against my chest in sync with the metronome that counts time. Ba bum. Ba bum. Ba bum. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. I pull the plug and listen to the pastel water glide down into the drain before getting out of the now luke warm water and picking up the towel I had set aside for myself. I rub the soft cotton across my face and dry off my hair. I can feel the pads of my fingers and toes are wrinkly and bloated. I watch the remaining pool of colours fade down the drain before wrapping the towel aryound my waist and heading to the bedroom to find some clothes. I pick up a worn band shirt from the floor and pull it over my head. I pull on a pair of boxers and I crawl onto the bed, spreading myself out and covering myself in blankets. I feel like I'm floating on a cloud as I bury my face into my pillow and close my eyes. Tomorrow's Monday and the start of a new semester and how I wish I could just sleep through it all. I push the thoughts from my mind and let the silence creep in and make a home in my head. It's almost beautiful to hear absolutely nothing. It's pure bliss. The town seems to be asleep. No cars to race by and no people shouting or moving about. Just a state of calm. It won't last long but the few seconds I have, I will grasp onto. I curl up, holding my legs into my chest as I focus on the breaths I take and the warmth of the sheets surrounding me. Gerard should be getting back soon. I don't know what's taking so long. Should I let myself fall asleep or should I wait for him to get back? The sun is almost set and he's been gone for nearly 4 hours now. On Sunday, don't most places close by 5 pm? I run my palm over my forehead, pushing the thought away. I'll just close my eyes for a few minutes....

I'm startled awake to the rapping sound on the door. I stumble out of bed and make my way to see who it is. I open the door to see Gerard, still covered in paint with his hair messy and his clothes looking pleated and disheveled, a crestfallen expression on his tired face. I breathe in the alcohol on his lips as he walks in. I close the door behind him, remaining silent, unsure of how to react.

"It was only one glass," he justifies, laying down on the couch and curling up.

"Well maybe it was two or three. Or five, or so," he reveals finally.

"It's the guilt, isn't it?" I ask, needing confirmation for my suspicions. He nods and I take a deep breath before making him an offer.

"I can teach you how to be free. Your guilt is bothering you but I can teach you how to overcome it. Let me be your teacher."

---------