all my stars lead to you

chapter 10

it was seven in the evening, kavin was supposed to be home, but he rather found himself in the middle of nowhere, with nothing but cigarettes. he was on his third, the guilt coming from the realization that he isn't supposed to be doing this, didn't help. he just wanted more. 

he rested his head on the steering wheel, knowing very well what happens when he goes down this spiral. 

"these are early signs of cardiovascular disease, kavin. agar abhi cigarette nahi chodoge, toh agli baar jab behosh pade hoge, koi uthane bhi na aaye.."  recounted kavin, the warnings of that doctor. 

He remembered going home, looking at his mother, and thinking who else except for him did she have at this moment? but the turning point for now was, she didn't need him anymore.

he threw out the cigars, as he started to drive home, probably because there was no other place to go to. 

                                                               ***

purvi came out of the lift, walking towards her appartment, only to find someone unexpected but familiar. 

"aap?" she questioned. 

"kaisi ho?" asked shivani, with a  gracious smile. 

"thik hoon, agar uss din aap nahi hoti, toh shayad aaj iss tarah...." replied purvi while expressing gratitude. 

"arre, maine kya kaha tha uss din? ek hi galti hui hai tumse," reminded shivani. 

"usse apni puri zindagi mat banao.." recounted purvi, feeling bittersweet because of that memory. 

"waise thanks, apne mummy ko nahi bataya...." appreciated purvi, as shivani chuckled. 

"you kept my secret, i'll keep yours..." retorted shivani playfully, as purvi too chuckled. 

"trust me, woh, miss karta hai aapko..." assured purvi, as shivani nodded in agreement. 

but, they didn't realise that dushyant had witnessed all of this, as he stood behind them, only a bit far away. 

"dushyant..." said shivani.

"nahi, nahi, kariye baatein....iski maa aapki best friend hai, yeh kyun nahi ho sakti?" said dushyant tauntingly, as he was unlocking the door to his appartment next door to purvi's. 

"woh, kuch baat karni thi tumse..." said shivani, as dushyant raised his brow at her. 

"ok, bolo." he replied casually, as he crossed his arms. 

"i know tum mujhse gussa ho, and it is fair, but ab main yahan hoon toh woh gussa mere upar nikalo, just spare meera and your dad, unki koi galti nahi hai..." said shivani, earnestly taking responsibility. 

"oh, to ab aap aur meera bhi best friends hain?" questioned dushyant, as shivani rolled her eyes. 

"no, listen to me, meera ko kaho, mujhe usse koi problem nahi hai. in fact, woh agar ghar nahi aayein aaj ya kal, mujhe koi khaas farak nahi padega. aur aap dono apni fantasy se bahar niklo, ki aapki ek sorry se maafi mil jaayegi aapko." clarified dushyant, in a fairly neutral tone, as he went inside his house. 

"aur tum." called dushyant, pointing to purvi. 

"agli baar meri gaadi ke saamne mat aana, agar peet-peeche inse baat karni hai toh." ordered dushyant as he slammed the door shut. 

                                                             ***

it was five minutes to seven, meera gazed at the clock, waiting for jyoti, as she thought. she looked around her cabin, tapping gently on her desk, as she spinned in her chair for one round. suddenly, there was a knock on the door, as she quickly got back to her original position. 

"uhh, dr meera?" confirmed ishita, as she stood by the door. 

"uhh, i'm sorry, i was expecting someone..." clarified meera, as ishita got inside and placed the prescription on her table. 

"yeh, tumhare paas?" questioned meera. 

"aap ek general physician hokar, apne patient ko mood tranquilizers prescribe kar rahi thi?" interrogated ishita after she seated herself. 

"and, you cannot disagree, mere paas aaj ka phone call recorded hai." claimed ishita, as meera reclined back. 

"aapne kaha tha ki aapne mushkil se do hafte pehle unhe appointment diya tha?" confirmed ishita, as meera nodded in agreement. 

"well, that's around the time my mom died..." informed ishita. 

"wait, jyoti is dead? but how?" baffled meera. 

"car accident..." responded ishita, bluntly. 

"anyways, mood tranquilizers kisliye de rahi thi aap inhe?" questioned ishita. 

"listen, i was just doing her a favour..." defended meera. 

"yeh prescription mahine purana hai...is that the only time you saw her?" intervened ishita with a question. 

"no...uhhm, i have known her for quite a few years, actually. i think tum kuch 2-3 saal ki thi uss waqt." responded meera. 

"she came with complaints of sleeplessness, extreme weight loss kyunki unka khaane ka man nahi karta tha, she felt too numb to do anything...classic signs of depression. toh maine unse kaha ki woh ek psychiatrist se milne..but she was reluctant, and itna uncommon nahi help naa seek karna mental health ke liye, so i just gave her a few medecines jinse unhe bhook lage and minor dose of sleeping pills." explained meera, feeling a little guilty, but assured that she did what she thought was right at the moment. 

"toh woh itne saalon se appke paas...." attempted ishita to follow up. 

"nahi, she was fine for a year, until she came to me again. she confessed ki usne in a fit of rage, tumhe ek hanger se peeta tha.....tumhe bahaut serious injuries hui thi...i realised she needed help, so maine humari hospital ki psychiatrist ko consultation mein liya, taaki hum unka treatment shuru kar paayein." revealed meera, as ishita sat there, frozen from this revelation. 

"unke through, medecines prescribe hui, including the mood tranquilizer. she was still not taking counselling. but, she started to get addicted to them in a way, it was like, unn pills ke bina woh function hi nahi kar paati thi. so, naturally, unn pills ko usse prescribe karna band kardiya." explained meera, as she paused for a deep breath. 

"she came to me last year, she confessed that she had attempted suicide. i realised ki she's a lot worse without those pills than with them, so i prescribed the mood tranquilizers, obviously, i made sure ki she comes after every two to three weeks, jahan main thodi sa dose kam kardeti thi, that prescription, is the last one.." narrated meera, as she just shook her head in disbelief, she was unable to understand what drove her to do this and why. 

"i am really sorry...." said meera, as ishita just scoffed. 

"trust me, you don't have to be...." said ishita, before she left the cabin. 

"hey." said meera, as she stopped ishita. 

"she wanted to get better because she regretted hurting you..." comforted meera, as ishita nodded in agreement, but even she knew, the intentions did not affect actions in any way whatsoever. 

but it really made her wonder, what happened to her mother after this marriage that she seemed to be so happy about. 

                                                                *** 

author's note: hey guys, so this is a bit of a darker chapter, and it deals with issues of depression, suicidal thoughts and addiction/substance abuse. please know that if you or any of your loved ones is suffering from them, please take help! they are treatable disorders and you can get better. 

if you are feeling depressed or suicidal, please contact this helpline: 

FORTIS STRESS HELPLINE : +91-8376804102